Study Jams

New Pentatonix album today! Best study jams ever agh. Such good beats and originals. So good.

Life has just become so... tiring lately.

The Great Class of 2016

Ordered my class ring, featuring a class of 2016 chemistry logo designed by yours truly! Super excited to get it in ~2 months!

I've told you so many times to stop caring. I've given you reasons. Why won't you listen? Why do you keep coming back to me?

My heart always seems to be searching for something more...

Bring the Tigers Back!

Rory: We have another addition to the saga of ---. They lost one of their canoes.

Maria: I feel like he gets addressed by Your Holiness more than yo Francis.

Jake K: They don't get signal.
Maria: So how are they calling us?
Jake K: You know...

Andrew: Hey Van ---! You're alive? Well done!

Chris C: Thanks for letting us know. No, just thanks for letting us know. No. Just thanks! From all of us.

Jim: What kind of weather are they having right now?
Maria: In Connecticut? Raining, according to my mother.

Jake K: Hey Jesse. We don't know why you were on hold.

Frosh: I actually like not having to shower.

Chris C: Well, some of them are nice to have. Or say that you have.

Caroline: Do you know where the box of red bags is that we knew we were going to lose?

Jim: The text was sent, but whether they read those directions is another question.

Andrew: If I had a child, it would be Ben.

Sarah: Andrew's such a cat. Like, if you made a cat a human, it would be Andrew.

Leader: Everyone knows where Nassau Hall is, right?
Frosh: Oh, that's the main one with the arch, right?

Andrew: GR is Vermont? I thought it was like Green Railroad in Massachusetts...

Frosh: I'm going to do that thing to you that you do when someone's choking, except just to make you throw up.

Delaney: I was so tired that when Bus 1 arrived, I shouted, "The South has risen again!"

Ben: The tent is peeing.

Rory: I don't want to be communicated with.

Rory: I'll be there until 10... 11... 9:40.

Caroline: Please don't get near me, I can't see that well.

Rory: Guys, be quiet. I'm getting a call, probably from the frosh... Hi, this is Rory from Command Center... Oh hi Rick.

Elizabeth: Oh, this is a table.

We love blood, just not on OA.

Chris C: If it makes me sad, it's probably in the South.

Maria: I'm going to make them run an errand for me, and they're not going to like it.

Josh: I don't know why they want to talk to you.
Caroline: Because I'm the coolest, obviously. Get out of your seat.

Maria: Yeah, it's going to be -drops phone- sorry, hi, you guys are still there.

Erica: I love giving blood!

Caroline: Jake, if you text me a week before and also the day of, I will give blood.
Jake K: Any excuse to text you.

Erica: Of course everyone's on my blog.

Jake K: Feel free to get me coffee when you come back.

Josh: It's time for another rousing edition of "Where the Hell is ---".

Jake K: I have to reload this? Who the hell do they think they are?

Jake K, Erica, and Rory: Tell them we love them!
Chris C: Okay, we love you, bye.

Caroline: She's just been given too much morphine, so it's like she's on too much drugs to do anything.
Kathryn: So we basically have a high frosh...

Jake K: Hi Van 1--- You're not a van.

Rick (at 3:56pm): We missed pi time.

Chris C: I would? You would. I would. I will. I am. What do you want me to say?

Maria: You're checking on their diet?
Jake K: Well... Yes. I am.

Kathryn: Hey Van ---! How are your detective skills?

Kathryn: A group drank the Delaware River.
Josh: Really? The whole thing? They must have been really dehydrated.

Andrew: Just leave the pancake extract at the junction; I don't think anyone will want it anyways. Hello? Hello? She hung up on me!

Andrew: I know you haven't done anything yet, but I'm thanking you in advance.

Kathryn: We have an equilateral triangle situation going on...

Andrew: Caroline, what kinds of vegetarian food do you like?
Caroline: Uhm. Ones that don't have meat in them?

Chris C: I don't know. I don't ask questions, I just help.

Jake K: How am I? I'm doing good. Thank you for asking, no one asks that!

Rick: I am not a spicy person.

Chris C (on lawnparties): I'm lucky I have a really great skin tone and can rock all those colors.

Maria: We have a very special assignment for you guys; would you like to hear about it now, or on the conference call later?

I asked EPS Corner for an itemized receipt...

Caroline: I'm the kind of person who usually has a spoon... On me... In my backpack.

Maria: 13.3 megabytes is bigger than 4.2 megabytes right?

Josh: They're doing chopsticks by choice in there.

Rick: So six days before the trip, we had to plan 40 new routes.
Maria: And then they all got cancelled anyways, because of the hurricane?

Ben: I'm the fat one, you're not the fat one.

Rei: There is no such thing as unnecessary aggression.

Erica: Your only blog on my quote is...

 OA Command. Busy saving lives.

Sarah: I feel like I can look at you and see what kind of grandma you're going to be.

Chris Y: I have a game that can involve 13 people and will make you all want to kill each other.
Rei: Killing is good.

Phones Calls and Delayed Meals

Too be fair, all mealtimes have been at a reasonable hour thus far this year!

***

Caroline: You can't that seriously misuse soap...

Jake S: Oh, that's a K, not a chicken!

Caroline: Hey Jake, ready for some babysitting?

Sarah (as Ben sits down at South): Ben, do you even go here?

Caroline: Tell him to stop talking so much and drink some water!

Rick: It sounds like we need you to drink a little less water...

Kathryn: I don't approve of hearts.

Andrew: Could I have your store hours please? 9:15 oh my god.

Safeeyah: I was part of the [Green Team's] inaugural year. It's basically two people who -whispers- are paid -normal voice- to help with sustainability with what the trips bring back.

Sarah: Have I ever demonstrated that I can make a beard out of my hair?

Andrew: Yes. Hello. Yes. Hello. Hi. Yes.

Andrew: -to Command- I don't believe a bear stole their stove, it's just not possible. Maybe a frosh really liked the stove and just kept it? -to the trip- It seems like a good stove so you should be fine. We validate that a bear stole your stove.

Rick: You guys sometimes get dumped on.

Ben: So what is the treat? Is it just a pineapple?

Rick: It says Fifty Shades of OA; people have been trying to hook up.

Ben: Where is the CT binder?
Jake K: On top of the trash can.

Caroline: Man, there's a lot of wild pineapple in New England these days.

Jake S: Like when we all leave and you're alone sort of thing?
Safeeyah: Isn't that like a duh?

Jake S: It's 11:38. I mean 11 and 38 seconds.

Caroline (about Terhune's): I bet they open after we open.

Andrew: I'm sorry, I'm going to put you on hold, I'm so sorry.

Caroline: Not Nick. It was Rick.

If shit goes south in North...

Caroline: She also doesn't have a history of spending time outside.

Josh (to a van): This is Josh from OA Support.
Erica: Command!
Josh: I mean, OA Command. I'm very tired.

Caroline: Van ---! We have some updates for you guys. -to Command- ...Do you guys know what those updates are?

Rick: The short description is not very long.

Josh (trying to pick up a phone): Ah shit ah oh. Dammit.

Rory: How many miles do they have?
Kathryn: Hashtag hashtag hashtag hashtag

Elan: Tell them they'll definitely get the water. And we'll work on the other things, but no promises. And they're going to have a great trip.

Erica: There's no certified water dispensary, no.

Jake K: Just explain who you are, that you're supporting an orientation, drop Princeton if you have to...

Elan: How can you have a nine in his name?

Andrew: Hello? Helloooo? Please call back. Thank you.

Andrew: They might not take you up on the car ride, so just abduct them if necessary.

Kathryn: I'm sure you're associating my voice with evil things by now...

Rick: What are my options here?
Jake S and Erica: Rice...

Kathryn: Get Van --- on the line.
Sarah: Sure, what do I need to tell them?
Kathryn: That they're not going home tonight.

Sarah (to the tune of Grease songs): You better shape up, cuz I need a van...

Sarah: I thought T-shirt chair meant you put a T-shirt on a chair.
Jake S: Yeah, I go to meetings and put a T-shirt on a chair.

Rick: You're being very cooperative, it's just your bowels are not.

Chris Y: So should I get them another room or just order a crib?

Chris Y: I would enjoy the anonymity. Could def use it on the blog.

Kathryn: OA Command, this is you.

Departure Day!

Chris Y: Elan, what would you like for lunch?
Elan: Would you like a pepper?
Chris Y: Uh, I would prefer if that's not lunch.

Elan: I'm just going to be annoying to you as much as possible.

Jake K: Oh, we always stop at Kent School. It's a very nice boarding school.

Trip: So, we're on the bus and one of the mirrors fell off...

Josh: -dramatically- Hi, this is Josh with the North desk.

Kathryn: This trip has a 27-ton bus driving over a bridge with a max weight of 3 tons...
Caroline: NOOOO!

Chris Y: No more than six miles. No more than six miles. Six. Six. Six. Yes. Yes.

Jake K: Is that French onion soup? I thought it had cheese on top.
Maria: Well, I think if it's fancy it does...
Jake K: -condescendingly- Oh, of course, this is just takeout.

Kathryn: What are you reading that says you're shadowing a bus? ...You're reading the header that says Sunday rendezvous; is there anything in the actual box?

Rick: So for future reference, this is supposed to be an ice bucket. For cold drinks. Rather than a really small trash can. Just saying.

Caroline: What's the name of the campground we use in the Catskills?
Rick: Yoooou're kidding, right?
Caroline: Not for the expected reason!

Maria: Wait, this place has a chili cook-out tonight!
Jake K: MY place has a pirate ship playground!
Caroline: OMG DONE.
Maria: MY place has a bouncy fun slide!

Caroline: Oh, you're talking about two leaders, not two liters.

Rick: The system says you're trying to put letters in a number field, I ain't doing it.

Caroline: It's my dinnerware! -holds up two lids labeled CStone-
Rick: It's STONEware!

Erica: Can you grab a piece of pen? A piece of paper?

Jake K: This is Vermont. It's basically Canada.

Caroline: These are my priorities: I hate the outside. I was a Forbes girl. I never go outside.

Jake K: (to a van) Are you guys bored?

Jake K: I'm looking for camping pots for a large group of 10 people - I need a 5-liter pot, a 3-liter pot, and a 9-inch cutting board or something similar. -aside- They're transferring me to Lawn&Garden, I just don't think that's the right department...

Chris C: This is Chris to Command. I mean, OA Command, this is Chris.

Rick: OA is official. We're on someone else's Facebook, that's how you know it's real.

Elan: How are they out of medical tape? We give them so much! Do they have a mummy on the trip?
Kathryn: There you go Erica.
Elan: I'm trying, but without making it sound forced.

Erica: They have spotty wifi - I mean service, spotty service!

Rory: I am... losing functionality as a person.

Welcome to Princeton, now go to the woods!

The freshmen are here today!

***

Matt: I am like the next level of tone-deaf; I can't even understand spoken language.

Chris C: Where is W in the alphabet?
Kathryn: After V. Before V!

Delaney: We're Command - logistically inefficient.

Rick: Penguins, attention!
Everyone: NOOO!

Chris C: It's like reverse bouncing - like prison guarding!

EMS cashier: But you're wearing an outdoor shirt!
Erica: We're the indoor part of Outdoor Action...

If only Command were a Support van...

Unfortunately, due to the craziness that is pre-trip and also my personal stress level, quotes have been a little lacking - I'll try to do better once we're in Command Center!

***

Katie: That's not right, like if you can't feel your face, get that checked out!

Jake S: Oh, this smells like men.

Chris Y: This literally tastes like nail polish, there is no other way to describe it.

Put it in the blogbook!

Erica: Rory, I have Jake on the phone. -to Jake- You're with Chris right?
Jake: Well, I have Chris's phone.
Rory: -to Jake on Chris's phone, on Rei's phone- Jake, talk to Erica.
Erica: Okay, I'm going to hang up.
Rory: Nevermind, talk to me! Jake, talk to me!

Rory: Do you have vegans there looking for food?

Caroline: Vegans! Vegans! We're ready to go!

Sarah: What is the word for a collective of vegans? Like, a murder of crows, a gaggle of geese...
Kathryn: A meet (meat)?

The Blogbook Lives!

Outdoor Action has started up again, and you guys know what that means! The famous Blogbook is back online, to be filled with sleep-deprived quotations from the college students responsible for saving other college students in the wild!

***

Chris C: After you guys left, we did some really irrelevant things.

Rick: They call him the refrigerator. Because he's so chill.

The Fourth and Final Round

It's been a difficult transition already from France back to the bustle and stress of Princeton life... Classes haven't even started yet, but I'm already worrying about labwork, thesis, grades, GRE, applications... Looked at my admission records - mixed feelings about those...

It's going to be a rough year.

But it'll be good too. Lots of discovery, and a last year to enjoy college before becoming slightly more of an adult. I've been so blessed to be here, I don't want to lose sight of that amidst the work involved.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

Maybe I get too invested in how other people are feeling, but I am a bit worried...

Hopefully you're okay. I'm really sorry if you don't think it was worth it. Maybe tomorrow will make it up a bit?

***

The internship is drawing to a close... Fewer than two weeks left, I haven't done anything for the chem GRE, we have barely any results on this DNA integration, and I have only seen my PI for two out of the however many days I've been here.

What can I say, France (and every other country I've been in) has been a crazy experience... It's also really saddening to not know when I'll see these people next... At least in previous summers, I knew I'd come back to visit since I lived an hour away. Who knows where the members of Teams Jerome and Martin will end up even in the next year? And who knows when I'll be able to see them again?

It's been a crazy ride. I miss home still, but I know I'll miss Montpellier when I get back. There's so much more I want to do, should have done, should be doing...

This summer man.

And after a while, though the memories still hurt, they're revisited not out of longing for the old or a wishing for a future that could have been, but for a deeper understanding of who you were and who you can be.

The Quirks of a Different Culture

Work-wise: Work hours are 9-6pm. Pretty much never any longer, oftentimes shorter.

Socially: Lots of actual social drinking. Not social drinking as in parties (though ofc those are big too), but sitting at a bar talking and drinking, or playing cards are drinking. Lots of smoking too, which I wasn't expecting.

Food: Everything is delicious. Also some variations on food we have - kiwi yogurt, Schweppes Agrum, the best baguettes ever, well-made coffee... I wasn't a coffee drinker before I came here and I probably won't be one when I leave, but I can always do a cafe lait or caffe latte or cafe con leche or whatever you want to call a coffee with milk. Dinner is also best eaten at like 10pm.

You know, I really like France (and Europe). Not sure I would ever live here permanently, but I could see myself spending a year or two here. Of course, all this traveling and good food might be biasing me...

Bread, cheese, and fruit Schweppes. Perfect midnight snack ♥

Un petit chat qui rate sa famille

It's been a week.

Sort of crazy to think I've already been here a week... And only been here a week. I feel like I've done quite a bit of labwork (though it being research I'm not used to may factor into that), plus I've spoken more French in the past week than the past year (though that's not saying much). But I've also organized a spontaneous weekend trip to Italy, wandered around cities without a GPS or map or knowledge of the official language, and spent more money in the past few days than I care to admit.

It's pretty amazing.

I really am missing my family and friends though - I would be lying if I said more than a small part of me wishes I were back in the States. That's not to say I'm not enjoying my time here... Just that I miss everyone back home.

But I'll make the most of the time I have, and try not to be so worried about everything all the time (relevance of labwork, travelling plans, GRE...).

Meanwhile, in case you haven't seen them on Facebook, here are a couple of photos from the weekend!

First Day Abroad!

Travelling is tiring man. 

 I'm not exactly sure what to say. I didn't do much today - grabbed a couple groceries, took a really long afternoon nap. I'm actually pretty homesick... A combination of not knowing anyone nearby and not speaking French (at least well enough to get around) is just... It makes me feel lonely. Hopefully things will get better tomorrow after I meet with Andreea and Wolf and get to know the lab. Still need to set up my phone, get groceries, hopefully explore a bit and book some trips to Barcelona, Geneva, etc.

Started with a cancelled flight, ended with barred entry to the UK for a year...

Well, that was a disaster. (In the words of Inside Out, which was an -amazing- movie!)

Unfortunately I won't be able to go to Edinburgh this summer, which is actually quite a disappointment since I had looked forward to it ever since I heard of the program... I feel it's going to be one of the bigger regrets I have looking back on my experience, is not being able to have done this. The research that I would have been a part of seemed really awesome, and the group members were really nice too... It's really just a shame.

I might be able to go to France instead, but I don't want to get my hopes up again. In any case, something will work out...

...No more Scotland?

Visa application denied. Honestly so discouraged and sad and frustrated right now...

Edit: Just feeling so empty and lost. I don't want your pity, and I don't want to worry anyone, but... I'm not okay.

I'll miss you less than I think I will.

Too many voices, all of them mine...

Thoughts

Second (and beyond) chances should be given, but don't be naive or stupid in giving them. Eventually, it has to stop.

It annoys me when people can't see their own flaws, or present them in a way that seems holier-than-thou without realizing, just because I find myself always acutely aware of mine. 

And there's another one.

***

Got my biometrics taken. Mailed in my visa application. All that's left is to wait (and maybe go back to California. Still TBD).

I got a box of salt water taffy today from Kirsten for always trying to make the department a better place. I feel amazingly loved and appreciated, but don't really know what she was talking about... But if you're reading this and in Princeton, feel free to let me know if you want some salt water taffy!

Oh, all the problems...

Update: Apparently we -don't- actually need a visa, but were supposed to go in as visiting students and not tourists nonetheless so IIP still screwed up in telling us what to do... Or rather, in failing to tell us what to or not to do... Submitted my online visa application, going to my biometrics appointment and submitting the paper copy on Friday, and hopefully it won't take too long after that for my visa to be granted and for me to head back to the UK... I've read reviews saying the consulate takes up to a month to post the passport and visa back even if the decision is granted in a week though, so I'm a bit hesitant...

I'll just try my best to enjoy my time here I suppose, and use it wisely in studying for the GRE or whatnot...

Scotland for a Day

Quite literally. So -after- having my flight not only delayed for 5 hours but eventually cancelled and rebooked to two days later, I finally get to Scotland and find out I don't have the proper visa to enter the country. You know, the visa IIP was explicit in telling me I didn't need. So now I'm sitting in the airport waiting to be shipped back to the US. Needless to say I am quite miffed with IIP and unhappy that 1) I have no idea whether I'll be allowed to obtain a visa now that I've been refused entry, 2) I don't know how long obtaining a visa, if possible, will take, and I'd be losing a lot of lab time as well as time exploring Edinburgh/UK/Europe and 3) I'll have to have multiple more 7-hour plane rides assuming I can even get back to this country.

This is absolutely ridiculous and I have no idea what IIP was thinking, trying to get us to trick customs into letting us in when they knew we needed a visa...

On the other hand, I had a lovely day - my flatmate Luke and Sarah, one of the other interns, took me around Edinburgh a bit and we grabbed dinner and everything. I'm bummed to be going back but I guess it'll give me a little more time with friends (and potentially family as I'll fly back to California if the visa is predicted to take a while) and spare time to study for the GRE...

Congrats Christie and the Class of 2015!

It was a very rainy graduation ceremony but you're done! So so proud of my roomie and all of the wonderful friends in the Class of 2015 that I've made throughout the years. You have all been so amazing and such role models. I can't even thank the PEF seniors and chemistry upperclassmen who have helped me through so much my first three years here. Best of luck with all your future endeavors and may you always remember to give back to Princeton in annual giving! =P

And so the year ends...

It's been almost three weeks since my last post! Lots of craziness with prepping for Scotland, packing, and finals, not to mention getting horribly sick during finals. But junior year has come to an end - crazy to think I'm 3/4 of the way through with my Princeton experience (and only a couple months away from grad school applications and senior year!). 

But the end of the year has brought lots of moving boxes, debauchery at Reunions, God's grace with grades among everything else, and now commencement activities for the Class of 2015! A huge congrats to all of my friends graduating from Princeton in two (!) days - you guys have been such role models, sources of advice, and wonderful friends. An especially huge congrats to my absolutely lovely roommate Christie Elford for being such a boss! =]

T-2 days until Commencement.
T-3 days until Scotland.

Maybe I want to believe more than I actually believe.

...

What makes me afraid isn't that people won't care, or won't want to help. It's that it only lasts so long. How long before they just get tired? Tired of having to worry, to care, to ask, to help?

How many times is a sorry only said once, and assumed to suffice?

Thoughts

Nevermind.

There's so much going on that I can't even begin to describe it or know where to start. Just layers upon layers of thoughts and problems and happiness over frustration over 4 years of something that I guess never let go.

You don't get well, just better.

I find myself very often in the situation of feeling inferior to nearly all people while also being frustrated at how superficial people seem sometimes.

I feel like I'm changing in ways that... aren't bad really, but aren't... right.

Happiness shouldn't always be pursued. It's a lesson I've yet to completely figure out.

On Kindness and Insecurity

People think I'm a nice person. A relatively nice person. At least, I think they do.

But I don't really know if that's true. I think a lot of what I do just comes from insecurity in... well, myself. Am I nice to people? Maybe, but also maybe only because I value myself less than I value others. I'm not really kidding when I say the only thing I'm good at is being mean to people. It's the only thing I actually accept I'm good at. Well, not really mean. Just sarcastic. But maybe they're the same thing.

It's not a humility thing; it really isn't. It's a low self-esteem thing. It's a, no matter how much I'd like to believe I'm good at something, or people tell me I'm good at something, I don't really register it on a deep level. It's a logical vs. emotional thing. I cry when my parents tell me they're proud of me.

I'd take the pain for others' happiness, not because I'm "nice" or "strong," but because their happiness is worth more. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be worth more to the world dead than alive. In some situations at least. Saving someone's life maybe. Because their life is worth more than mine, not because I'm "heroic" or "brave." I mean, I always thought it would be okay if I were gone, because she'd still be there. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. But it wouldn't work the other way around. I know it wouldn't.

But I don't want to be another statistic. You know, when people say someone had so much going for them, how could this ever happen, just another case of too much pressure or people not seeing below the surface, or effortless perfection. Because maybe it's a bit of those things, but it's also none of those things really. It's just insecurity.

Do I play into this whole effortless perfection thing? Or not perfection, but at least okay-ness? People seem to think I'm good at things. Or do well at things. I don't really. Do well at things, I mean. Or I don't think I do. But for some reason what I say and do are in conflict when other people look at them. They're not for me. Maybe I'm just too used to feeling like everything should be fine that everything seems fine even when I actively try not to make it seem that way.

Is it a worth thing? Both worth something because of Him and worth nothing because of myself?

Did I really turn out okay? Great, even? For all those years people told me I would do wonderful things... Were they right? Or were they horribly, horribly wrong? Can we tell?

What was the point of this? I don't know really.

One day, your insecurities will catch up to you.

They will destroy everything good that you know, hurt everyone you love, and rip you to pieces from the inside out.

Don't let it happen.
He didn't make you to let you destroy yourself.

I guess I gave you full permission to hurt me.

In that nice spot of really wanting to say screw it to literally everything.

This pool of self-pity is never a good place to be, but neither is the burn of self-hatred as a result of this self-pity.

Why is it that the only big problems I have seem to involve people I'd rather not see again, but can't get away from?

When Sick...

Sleep for too long, and think about all the things you've done, are doing, and probably will do wrong in your life.

What is it about happiness that breeds indifference to sorrow?

It's true, all I am is flawed.

I get angry sometimes for little to no reason.
I cry all too much.
It's hard for me to find motivation to do things that I should.
I judge people for things that are wrong in myself.
It's hard for me to forgive you.
The extent to which I'm insecure is laughable.
I'm too concerned with my own life to really worry and care about other people's.
I take you for granted.

The list goes on. It was never in the plan.

But I'm trying, can't you see I'm trying?

Spring Houseparties 2015

A little mishmash of photos for you all =]

At one point, I trusted you fully.

Some days are just hard.

This week is going to have me perpetually exhausted.

Regressing

Honestly, sometimes I just miss high school, middle school... So maybe I'll go back a little. Look at old pictures, rewatch some episodes of dramas I loved. Eat cup noodles at 2am. Maybe I'll miss you a little more than I should. Maybe I'll try to remember my login details for Neopets and AIM. Read FML and MyLifeIsAverage. Laugh at old blog posts.

Were you proud of me then? Are you proud of me now?

I have no idea what is going to happen. I have no idea if this was the right choice. Part of me doesn't want to care, but I know I should...

I would have forgiven you for so much. If only you truly weren't going anywhere. It's a thing of the past, yes, but how often does that come back to haunt us? How many worries and fears do I have now that I didn't before? How many promises were broken? How many scars are left?

Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?

How does it feel to be spectacularly unremarkable?

You know, pretty good really.

Dancing to Christ's Beat

I don't always dance (I really rarely dance...), but when I do, it's for God.

This is going to be outside my comfort zone, and definitely a challenge, but I'm excited. Here's a short clip/teaser from our first rehearsal today! (Also, I'm aware it's blurry. Probably a good thing.)

Is it wrong to feel guilty to ask for things you don't really need from people you know would help?

From 80 Degrees and Beaches

Spring break was honestly wonderful. Unfortunately I got no work done and thus don't have the liberty of writing a super long blog post about it. But here are some of my favorite pictures!

Couples are honestly so cute.

Two-Way Streets

Sometimes I wonder if my friends care as much about me as I do them. I find it hard when friends I used to be super close to just cease communication because of distance or busy-ness or other factors... It's a bit saddening, like it never meant as much to them as it did me.

More

I feel like I constantly want more of things. More time, more willpower, more beauty. More kindness.

It's so hard to just be content with making do with what you have. Using the time you have, maximizing the willpower, realizing beauty is enough. Being kind.

I don't know. Sometimes it's nice, and other times it's... sort of saddening to just be unremarkable.

Question for Quesadilla and Say Hey!

Question for Quesadilla has been a huge success these past two days! Yesterday was amazingly fun - I made more quesadillas than I could count, but I think we delivered 23 (and ate at least 7 =P). People seemed to be having wonderful conversations too; quite a few of them ran over half an hour. Debating whether to help out tonight - I really would love to but haven't gotten... really any... work done this weekend...

The Say Hey! campaign is reclaiming midterms week! Ambassadors will be walking around with smiles and nametags, so say hey and grab a nametag!

Sometimes I wonder whether I love people out of a fear to not.

Missing California Sun and Summer

I'm missing California quite a bit, mainly because of the lack of sun, warmth, and fruit here. Don't get me wrong, I love the snow, and it's beautiful, but it's March and I'm feeling vitamin D-deprived. Also we had blackberries in our crepes today, which was amazing, but I really wish we had better fruit options here. I miss my berries, oranges, kiwis, melon... And...

Midterms are coming.

Everyone has something to offer, and I'm constantly realizing that that includes myself.

AVOCADO

After a nasty bout of stomach flu this weekend (McCosh kept me from Saturday night til Monday morning), I'm finally feeling sort of normal, if not in tip-top shape. I think I'm supposed to be sticking to plain foods and clear liquids considering my stomach's still finicky, but we had turkey BLTs with avocado at Charter today.

You can't tell me to turn down something with avocado in it. It doesn't happen. So, here's to hoping my stomach will keep the food in my stomach!

For those of you who read my blog, but might have missed my FB status. Unfortunately, this offer pertains only to those of you at Princeton, as much as I'd love to bring food to my friends back in California, or in NYC/Boston/etc. Raincheck for when I'm next in the area or when you're in Princeton!

Crushes

I wonder if crushes are any easier to deal with if you know nothing will ever come of it, for whatever reason.

It seems like it should be. Or at least, it would be easier to argue against your heart. Because you have all these reasons why, even if they liked you back, it wouldn't work. And if it wouldn't work, what's the use wishing they liked you back?

Formula Poems

"Write a poem that uses a mathematical scheme/problem/theory/idea/mystery as its formal motor."

I have an idea. I am excited. Also a bit nervous, because I don't want to screw it up.
Hint: Collatz Conjecture.

Beautiful phrases, broken people, and an insurmountable sense of loss.

Year of the Pig, Gemini, ENFJ. I read my horoscopes and personality traits just to see if I can understand myself better.

I can do this.

Just keep telling yourself that.

I just feel... a pinch of emptiness and a dash of something missing.

You have been throwing my emotions for a loop and I don't know why or how.

Healing

And maybe part of God's plan was for me to be hurt in order to be more able to help my friends through theirs. It's a bit strange to see similar scenarios unfold from another side. I guess it's healing for me in a bit, and I can better understand what happened when I was going through them. And I can better help them understand what's happening now.

I did say I'd take on sadness for my friends.

Charter must be explored!

Initiations was honestly wonderful. A few moments near the end were almost painfully slow, but worth the wait. I'm absolutely exhausted (but doing laundry), and my brain isn't completely functional, so I'll just give a brief summary/list of highlights.

~ The huge balloon Quan got, supposedly from a flower shop
~ Nick giving out badges for completely meaningless random things, like liking pandas and having seen stars
~ "One does not simply become the rice president"
~ Wilderness Explorers! (Charter must be explored! Caw caw (Quan Quan) rawr!)
~ Being used as a battering ram by Bolton
~ Also being piggybacked by Bolton during a relay - he moved insanely fast!
~ Figuring out the riddle and finding the golden tickets in the library
~ Initiations video (esp. Curtis being transported into Smash)
~ Staircase!
~ And of course, the extremely watered down beer shower