Maybe... I just wanted someone to love me.

Dramas and Parents

For some reason, a major story piece of dramas seems to be the guy defying the mom's wishes to be with the girl. Such a stark contrast there...

Why is it that the guys in dramas always start out as jerks?

There is no "happily ever after"

Because after the pages turn,
When the book is closed,
Come more tears and pain,
And happily is never known.
Because love once existed,
And cared he once did,
But the story never ends
With the joy that was promised.
Because not all snow is
Pure and bright,
Beautiful and unblemished,
Shimmering with light.
Because not all rain
Is followed by a rainbow,
And sometimes the storm
Floods wherever it goes.
Because happily ever after
Was ever just a lie
To get our children to believe
That love was worth the fight.

Merry Christmas to all!

Adventures in the United Club

4:07pm: Enters United Club. I hope they have a restroom here. Oh they have a restroom. Good. Ooh and fancy couches. They have showers? They have showers. What is a shower valet? 

 4:11pm: Ooh fruit. Wait baby carrots! Ahh they have cheese. And crackers! And green tea mmm. Oh and lots of cookies. 

4:32pm: Omnomnomnomnom. Oh I should Facebook about this. 

4:38pm: Calling mom... They have food and showers!

4:54pm: Hrm. Half an hour left. Eating more cheese and crackers...

5:17pm: Pockets full of cheese and crackers. And carrots. Maybe I should grab another banana. So glad I decided to check this out. This is great. Much fun. Much greatness. Much food. Omnomnom.

5:22pm: I should remember to fill up my thermos before I go.

5:33pm: I should probably go to the gate now... So worth. So wonderful. Much food. =D

Back to the Bay!

Flying back tomorrow afternoon! Excited to see old friends and family and just chill. =] It's going to be a good time. This week was honestly a lot better than I thought it would be - I think my tests went well, and everyone had a great time Friday since we were all free of work and stress. Granted, I have a lot due right after break, but it will be a good time of rest and thanksgiving. God is good.

Dream of Music

I'm a little ball of stress right now...

It's a long road to recovery.

And these two weeks are ridiculous. Four problem sets, a presentation, and two midterms between me and winter break. Come on Erica, you can do this. You're strong enough. You are.

Happy (post) Thanksgiving!

Hope all of you had a wonderful day with family, friends, and lots and lots of food! So amazingly thankful for God's provision. =]

Interstellar

Pretty out of this world (don't mind the pun). Quite a mindful and take some wrapping your head around - I still don't comprehend relativity - but an amazing movie nevertheless. And the CGI was stunning.

The movie theater we went to was pretty incredible as well. Sofa recliners as seats, with a full restarant menu and little tables. Absolutely ridiculous but a fun experience nevertheless.

It snowed a bit today too! We played a little Mario Party and DDR afterward - tried to do some homework but my brain is fried. Less work is getting done this break than I hoped... But hopefully I'll wake up at a decent hour and get some stuff done. Kerith and Marissa are running a 10K, and I am most decidedly not. But tomorrow will be a fun day. =]

Happy Thanksgiving!

"I knew I loved you when I started making excuses for the way you hurt me. I'll know I'm over you when I stop."

Spent 10am-5pm in lab/doing lab-related things. Granted, most of that involved meetings, but still feeling good. =]

Also finally on the group page!

Because it's so amazing just to have fun with friends =]

Blank Space

Criminally catchy.

God is Wonderful

Finally got to donate blood today! Almost passed out after, and getting up to Nassau for dinner required a few stops but happy they let me donate. =]

Got dinner with the roomies at Cheeburger for Restaurant Week after. Nothing like a ridiculously large burger and fries to get some energy back after losing a pint of blood.

And it's snowing!

Families of all kinds ❤

How many wishes have been whispered in the rain, whisked away by the winds, and bestowed upon others?

Why does my heart feel so... empty?

Because part of me is feeling free, liberated, and loved, but another part wants to go back to when I'd hide from the world and never come out again.

Above all, do not forget to love.

Jackets!

Department gear came in today! =D The number of people wearing designs I've made is a little weird... First the Innovation shirts with the logo, and now this. No complaints though! =]

A Day in Philly

Had an amazing day Saturday in Philly despite the cold the rain. It was great seeing Albert and Lawrence again. =] Also super happy and slightly jealous of Lawrence for the amazing things he's doing in med school (like dissecting cadavers, ahh!). A big thank you to the both of them for taking time out of their busy lives and just showing me around and getting food. =]

Today was pretty chill as well. Finished up some work (more than I thought would get done, yay) and just spent time thinking and relaxing. Life's not perfect, but you do what you can. Second half of first semester, come at me!

First pillow made in college! (Physically, that is.)

I've missed it.

Breathe

I completely didn't realize how much of a jerk you could be...

Like a child, like a fool, I wanted reassurance. And got none.

Campus is so empty. It's just... so cold... It's debilitatingly lonely.

Fall Break!

Finally here! I've been spending the first day of it chilling, but I did finish all of my required hours of psych study participation for PSY252, so I've been sort of productive. Also going to read psych and work on my lab report tonight. I'm horribly tired though.

I feel like it's going to be a bit lonely on campus over break... I haven't spent a break on campus since fall break freshman year. Well, there's work enough to do, and lab to go to. I'll maybe learn how to play uke and sleep more than normal and watch movies and generally just rest I guess.

Got a care package from Handson today. =]

Skyping with Michelle in a half hour - should be fun!

All the midterms and all the stress. I'm not sure what's happening but I definitely don't like it. I'm just so exhausted and anxious all the times. There are good moments for sure, but I'm really starting to doubt some things...

God,

Please help me.

Just because you find that life's not fair...

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime

Completely unique and unexpected. Great use of lights. And the explanation of his A-levels math problem at the end was the best.

I have to say, for my first Broadway play, I wouldn't have wanted any other one. It really takes you into a different sense of being. It's both fun with Christopher taking everything literally, and also disorienting to be in the mind of someone unable to deal with the world socially. But wow, what a night.

And I got to meet Alex Sharp after! What a performance.

Chemistry + Design

Spontaneously bought a Broadway ticket for tomorrow. Honestly, I'm not too sure that was a good idea. I mean, Broadway tickets are an amazing deal, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it, but I have so much work and midterms are coming up... I already went to see Les Mis and I'm going to see Matilda next Wednesday too...

Of course, I shouldn't be complaining. I've been amazingly blessed with the opportunities I have.

Procrastinated on my lab report by designing the chemistry swag that the department will hopefully get! I'm actually pretty proud of it, and I can't wait! It's gotten good feedback from the people I've asked as well, so hopefully people like it. =] I'm holding off on posting a picture, just in case, but if you ask I'll definitely show you. =P And of course, it'll be up here once it's approved and the order is in!

Les Mis on Broadway

Absolutely stunning. I think to say too much about it would be doing it a disservice.

I was a bit taken aback by Eponine's voice, but Jean-Valjean was just amazing. Surprisingly Cosette in Les Mis was Christine in Phantom when I saw it. And my gosh, Gavroche.

What a night.

And the world has the rough, crumbly feeling of an old, frayed rug, coming undone at my fingertips.

Convincing the Department to subsidize gear for majors. One of the benefits of being on the PUCS Board. =]

Vicarious Pain

And maybe I hurt more than I should for the people I care about. But is that really a bad thing?

To Be Uncertain

Fall in love with a dancer named Eve who has an unpleasant past and beautiful legs. Spend too much time thinking about how life doesn't make sense. Your mom suggests journalism. Your friends suggest Burning Man. You only feel satisfied walking around looking at people. You want to see who looks back and who never looks at all. Understand what you must do. Keep moving toward the next thing. You have a calling, an urge, a delusion, an unfortunate itch. You have, as your mother would say, wasted your life.

Why become uncertain of what to become? What things are there to become? These are questions to ask yourself. For example: why are children forced to work as slaves? Why are women bought and sold for sex? These are questions you carry in your stomach, like butterflies. The make you uneasy and nervous.
Take classes at community college because you live to learn. You feel that it's good for your health. You find sanctuary in sociology. You discover that race, class, and gender inequality are driving forces behind capitalism. Be glad you know these things. Be glad you are not just a machine. Apply to graduate school to study anthropology.

From here on in, many things can happen. But the main one will be this: you decide not to go to graduate school after all, and instead, you spend a good chunk of your adult life working odd jobs and reading books. Somehow you end up writing. Perhaps you find rhythm and order in placing words on paper. Perhaps you settle into life. Perhaps you feel stuck.

You leave your boyfriend of too many years because he prefers porn. Quit your job because your boss is a controlling, manipulative baby. Live on borrowed money. Feel bad you have to pay it back. Tend to the garden. Prepare meals. Do the dishes. Keep looking for what's next.

An opportunity.
An unexpected chance.
A new and wonderful thing.
A bold move.

At home, pet the dog. Eat eggs with fried rice. Think about how the flavors remind you of Saturday mornings with mom, dad, and your brother. Occasionally you sit in a café and stare at people. You try to connect. Your eyes catch his. He walks over. You are eager to talk gender politics. He wants to take you back to his place. You decide that this encounter sucks. You sigh and move on to the busy sidewalk.
Still looking,
still searching for
something else, someone else.

~ Liza Sutterby, "How to Become Uncertain of What to Become"

My whole problem is that I can't give up on you.

Little Things

Everything seems a little better now. It's going to be a hard semester, but I'm going to set limits for myself. There are things I can do, and things I desperately want to, but feasibly can't. As long as I know that, and with some help from God and my friends, I'll be okay. I'm a little late, but junior year, let's go!

How long would it take someone to notice if you talked only when necessary and were as inconspicuous possible?

One Night at a Time

It's a bro night, he said. So she spent the night by the fountain, thinking of the nights she had spent there before. The broken nights, with the darkness falling on her like water, sinking into her. The happy nights, dreaming about the future and savoring the calm and joy that had spread themselves like cream, smoothing out all the bumps. Her heart beating to the sound of the rushing water. A bright peal of laughter from the other side of the street. The faint twinkling of a plane filled with people off to explore, none of them thinking of her as she was of them. Her feet dangle in the water. The cold ground digs into her palms. A tear stings at the corner of her eye. Minutes. Hours. She pulls her feet out of the water, puts her shoes back on. One step at a time. Up the steps, across the street, down the hill. A cold breeze. Music blasting from a room twenty feet away sounds as far as the moon. One step at a time. One night at a time. It's a bro night, he had said. It's a lonely night, she had thought. 

If God wills it, it will be.

OA Command: Day 6

Nick: "I don't know if decaffeinated is the right adjective to apply to a person."

Nick: "I also can't see right now. I believe that was Sarah, but it just as easily could have been Weimen."

Safeeyah: "I am not drinking water until I get coffee."

Ben: "Horia, turn on the lights."
Erica and Rory: "No."
Ben: "No?"
Erica and Rory: "No."
Tenley: "Horia... Don't."

Nick: "Did anyone bring a pillow?"

Rory: "Guys, the tables are surprisingly comfortable."

Tyler: "Hang on, there are people calling that are more important than you."

Daria: "Jones Mills Road. Jones, as in like the last name."

Kathryn: "I love Vermont. They're pretty reliably not dead."

Tenley: "Oliver, where do you want to be?"
Oliver: "Well, I don't want to deal with stinky kids."

Rick: "We can just get Naked... That didn't come out quite how I intended."

Tenley: "I was just about to say, 'I would love to get Naked!'"

Rick: "You could just compose something on your phone and send it to me."

Caroline: "I don't have that type of phone."

Rick: "Caroline... We need to have a chat."

Tenley: "He wants to know how you want your sheets folded - in thirds or quarters?"

Rick: "They should just be crumpled up into a ball."

OA Command: Day 5

Daria (on phone with group): "One moment. Dude. Bro."

Tyler: "It's a constant struggle with Central. I just need to talk to them to make sure they're not dead."

Van: "A stone wall came out of nowhere!"

Caroline: "I was looking at the wrong one. Too many Sarahs have been evac-ed."

Rick: "If we do pizza, maybe Naked?"
Rory: "Yeah, I was thinking Naked."
Tenley: "I think we should eat pizza naked."

Caroline: "How many crackers did he feel like eating?"
Group: "Well, he had two packets of Saltines, so... About 50 Saltines..."
Aforementioned frosh also had 8 Nalgenes of water and 2 Nalgenes of Gatorade.

Weimen: "Thai food?"
Rei: "Ooh, Thai food!"
Jim: "Typhoon!"

This hair disaster...

Ben: "Do you have any other edible substance?"

Erica (talking about a group): "Just get them oatmeal!"
Tyler: "I don't think Cheeburger has oatmeal..."

Tenley: "The calories don't count when... You're eating with other people."

Horia: "Okay Google. What is the etymology of -ish? No, not fish!"

Tenley: "What happens in the tent, stays in the tent!"

Tenley: "At least it's the vans, not the trips. It's not like 'NOM NOM NOM CHEESEBURGERRR'"

Rick: "Now you have their keys, so lock that sucker up."

Sarah: "Actually I really should transfer you to Kathryn. She knows way more about what's going on."

Kathryn: "So in Denmark, people put salt on licorice."
Sarah: "That sounds like an insult... You piece of salty licorice!"

Oliver: "How do you get money then?"
Sarah: "Communism."

Erica calls into Command with a throwback from last year...
Chris: "Hi, this is Christopher."
Erica: "This is IF120."
Chris: "OF120 what's up?"
Erica: "No, IF. Indoor Farming?"
Chris: "I will kill you."

Chris (to Andrew Tsukamoto): "Do you know Aoi? Because you're Japanese."

OA Command: Day 4

Tenley: "My iPhoto library is BOMB."

This artistic masterpiece...

Tenley (while laughing): "Guys, I still have lo mein in my mouth!"

Paul: "So it's like superfrosh all over the place?"

Caroline: "Are we Facebook stalking frosh? I don't understand."
Chris: "No, we're Facebook stalking their roommates!"

Kathryn: "Even if we still have a couple problem children..."

Paul: "Yeah, so it's Van ---, they're nice people."

Van: "Hey, it's Van ---. We're just checking in; we have absolutely nothing to do today."

Nick: "I'm going to be slightly gross for the next ten seconds... -pulls out deodorant- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1."

Talking about rooms being heat traps...
Rory: "The worst things are the bathrooms, when you're sitting in the stall, and by the time you come out..."
Ben: "Are you sure that's from the heat, or your exertion?"

Rick: "They make do with the paddles they have!"

Nick: "If Rick Curtis had the same level of dedication I do, he'd have been fired by now."
Rick: "That's true, absolutely."

Paul: "I was in the bathroom with him this morning, and oh, he needed to go. It was clear, and very copious."

Rick: "Get me a mediterranean chicken flatbread, single."
Paul: "Foccacia."
Everyone: "..."
Paul: "There was going to be more to that joke, but I got nothing. I was going to say more types of bread but I couldn't think of a single one."

Nick: "Oh and we can color code it, because we have three different colors! Orange, mocha, frappuccino!"

Weimen: "Guys, they're out of garden vegetable soup."
Chris: "L42?"
Everyone else: "No, Panera."

Ben on a "prank call" to me...
Ben: "Hi, this is LH99 with a code yellow."
Erica: "LH99 with a code yellow? Let me transfer you to Central."
Kathryn (being totally serious): "LH is South!"

People are now so familiar with my OA Command quotable quotes and my blog that they have taken to leaving me notes if something quotable happens when I'm gone...

Rory: "How do they pick these [girls'] bathroom codes? They're so random."
Chris: "Ooh I want to see! ...That was really creepy."

Command telling jokes...
Erica: "Wait guys, I got a really good one! Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Ben: "Why?"
Erica: "To get to the idiot's house."
Ben: "..."
Erica: "Okay, fine. Here's another. Knock knock."
Ben: "Who's there?"
Erica: "The chicken."
-laughter-
Tenley: "Guys, I don't get it..."

Daria: "How many Nalgenes has she had? Six? So she's supersaturated?"

Tenley: "We love you guys all equally! Like parents! ...Don't listen to me, I'm weird."

Daria: "I'm just going to put you on hold now. Hello? No? Damn it."

Caroline: "Can you spell that? Or spell the first word and Google will tell me."

Horia: "SHHH! Listen!"
Everyone: "...?"
Horia: "Nothing! No phones, no nothing!"

Van: "The people at the motel requested that we leave the cup of bugs with them."

Tenley: "How come pulling a Tenley is breaking down and pulling a Caroline is successfully presenting an alternate course of action?"

Tenley: "I'm just looking through my Twitter because I'm funny."

OA Command: Day 3

Paul: "You're the one that... doesn't have diarrhea?"

Kathryn: "We do such a great job that we concentrate all our evacs to just two groups."

Talking about evacs...
Paul: "North has fourteen. South has... six. Central has... fourteen. Now for a tiebreaker we need to see which ones are more amusing."

Paul: "'Quesy' is an alternate spelling. Maybe Old English, does anyone have the OED?"

Caroline: "I am going to the bathroom. If Rick calls, you are not allowed to chase me down the hall. Or call my name. He can wait. It is not my top priority."

Chris: "This is Chris. I didn't get it! No, I did get it! No, I did not get it."

Safeeyah: "'Going' without the second 'g'..."

Caroline: "Nick, are you busy right now? Can you do me a huge favor? Can you fill up this water bottle? The fountain takes forever and thus I have been dehydrated all day."
Nick: "You need to learn a thing or two - if this is a huge favor, then when you have a life-threatening situation..."
Caroline: "Then it'll be a life-threatening favor!"

Ben: "But mesh is cool. DUH."

Nick: "Chris, let's just say if OA were run by people with the level of commitment you're showing right now... It would not be the monumental success it is. It would probably not exist."
-Chris walks out-
Nick: "You should thank God that there are people like us here to pick up the slack."

Erica: "Call the crap out of them."

Caroline: "All the Massachusetts groups are..."
Kathryn: "Dying?"
Caroline: "Struggling."

Nick: "Damn, we've got some trigger fingers in this room!"

Erica: "Command has the aura of a casino, where you don't know what time it is, and you just stay here forever."

Van: "We need more ice packs."
Paul: "Okay, so hundreds of ice packs."

Tenley: "She actually sounds like a cat, that's scary. I hate cats..."

Throwback to Rick in 2012: "This is the suck bus of the universe."

Rick: "I had this fantasy that I was going to get some other work done today."

Kathryn: "What kind of place name is this?!"
"Be careful of Dead Woman Hollow..."

Erica: "You're not going to leave me tonight? All alone? Forever alone. -sings- All by myself."

Daria: "I would take the Epipen and just AGHHH. Just evacuate me."

Kathryn: "They're right by something called an improved dirt road..."

Ben: "Forbes is definitely the easiest college to get through. It's like the AT, north, south."

OA Command: Day 2

~ Runaway freshman trying to spend a week with a girlfriend instead... Command knows everything!

~ Vans complaining about a cot cramping up the room

Erica: "Sitch?"
Rory: "Can't you say 'be there in a sitch?'"
Erica: "No... I think that's pinch..."

Erica: "Who's technically off-shift right now?"
Caroline (trip coordinator): -raises hand-
Erica: "No."

Paul: "We put a lot of names on this board today. -motions to the 'Displaced' board- That's our goal right? Leaders try to keep frosh on the trip and we try to get them off?"

Rick: "We should just have those big army 500 gallon support tanks."

Caroline: "Yo Gap!"

Paul: "Re-undeactivate it."

Rory: "Why are there Pikachus running across the top of my screen?"

Rick: "No, those are lightning strikes. Completely obliterated eastern New York. Goodbye Catskills."

Van: "We're 100% almost confident that we've found the drop site."

After finding the med forms for a group, Rory calls the group...
Rory: "Hey ---, could you get your med forms for me? ...You lost them didn't you!"

Rick: "She said you have to put in 'two' because there are three Old Sharon Rds in Sharon, CT."

Talking about a teacher she had...
Tenley: "She said, ''Oh I hate Connecticut! It doesn't deserve to be a state, it's so small and it takes so long to drive through!"

Nick: "This is how I think of Rick. Rick Curtis. Silent Protector. Watchful Guardian. Dark Knight."

Rick: "Nope, they hung up. That last part was all by myself."

Caroline: "I'm going to the bathroom. If you need me, come get me, but don't."
-phone rings- "Hi Caroline."
Kathryn: "CAROLINE!"

Paul (from across the room to me): "Can I try on your glasses?"
Erica: "..."
Paul: "I just want to see what they look like."
(Note: They weren't big enough to fit over his ears.)

Paul: "Someone put me on the Facebook!"

Chris: "I have a small sewing kit. I am a guy after all."

Rick: "Just get them a room in Pittsfield or whatever, who cares about what it costs?"

Rory: "Quality Inn. High speed wi-fi. ...Shower curtains?"

Rick: "Quality Inn Gettysburg... What is this from? Like a fortune cookie? Your fortune lies at Quality Inn Gettysburg."

Tenley: "My body was making me cry but my mind really wanted me to laugh."

OA Command: Day 1

Lost droms, forgotten food, paddles stolen by rivers, road closures, van miscommunications... An eventful day in Command like always.

(On a trip forgetting *all* their perishables)
Elan: "Didn't their packs feel a little light?"
Rick: "Didn't their brains feel light?"

Paul: "I did JW underscore Wheezy hashtag hashtag!"

Elan: "*repeating* Is Guatemalan food Japanese?"

Paul: "There was a bug, or a small dragon..."

*On ordering Chipotle in the spreadsheet*
Rory: "We forgot beans!"
Paul: "No, you have to put it in the right order!"
Erica: "But rice comes before protein!"

Chris: "Who spelled 'no' wrong?!"

Erica (slightly hysterically): "Guys life is wonderful! 
Everyone: "..."
Erica: "We have an extension cord!"

Safeeyah: "I got this. Please create a friend... How do you create friends?"

Central desk: "They checked again and they have less water than they thought."
Caroline: "Good, because they should have been drinking it for the past four hours."

Van: "So the parachute cord... Is it like shoelaces?"

Van: "Is it in a brown box?"
Erica: "No, it's in a small red triangular container."
Van: "No, we get that. But is it in a brown box? Because we got a turkey and a brown box." (This is the huge cardboard box with everything that we gave the vans in it.)

Erica: "The fuel pump, is it small, medium, or large?"
Rick: "No."

-dies-

Back to Command!

I've been so amazingly bad at updating my blog this summer... Wow. Guess life just got a little crazy and busier than I expected.

Well, since my last post, LA was amazing and I had tons of fun exploring and meeting up with SoCal friends. Ate tons of food and generally had a great time.

The rest of the internship went well too. Got more interesting data, got to go to beamtime (experiments weren't working too well though), grew closer with my lab group. I was really blessed to be in the environment I was in. High expectations but still lots of camaraderie - I feel like this upcoming year is going to be pretty crazy in terms of independent work. And classes are going to be insane... Feeling a lot of anxiety honestly, so prayers for that would be great...

Speaking of this upcoming year though, my room is amazing. It's absolutely huge and I don't even know what to do with most of the space. It's going to be such a blast rooming with Michelle, Christie, Kellyn, and Michelle. =] I'm crazily excited. I preliminarily moved in (OA storage, stuff at Elizabeth's, and the stuff I brought from Cali - mainly clothes) but this is what it looks like now!

Highlight of Command today:
"Hey Rick, why did you want the backpacks sorted by color again?"
"I was talking about internal and external frames. I don't really care about color."
"Ohhhhhh... That makes a lot more sense."

God's Love and Care

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14

Had an eventful (and dusty) start to the LA trip, with a huge reminder of God's care for us. I can't even express how amazingly blessed and thankful I am. God is good, and He looks after his children. All the time God is good.

But oh so true...

It's so beautiful!

The Summer Theme: Red

Red perylene bisimides, and a red shirt for the poster session today! Small reminder of a reason I didn't end up going into business: not a big fan of pencil skirts and heels. They're only fun for Mock Trial. =] Leanne and I matched though! It was pretty amusing - she was pretty much the average of PJ and me, in terms of color and attire (and also height and race). But it was a pretty chill time, and infinitely less stressful than presenting at facilities meeting. I had fun explaining what I had done to people who dropped by. The cookies and seven layer bars helped too!

It's a bummer to think that most everyone will be gone after this week though... At least Albert's still in the area, and most of the Crossroads people aren't going anywhere. Still going to miss those who leave though...

Well, at least I'll have some more time to do research. =]

Everything seems so muddled right now. I'm happy, but should I be? Happiness, yes, but where is the joy?

Had my facilities meeting presentation yesterday. People seem to think I did well, which surprises me, but I'll take it. =]

Edit: This is really weirding me out. For the most part, when people praise me, I thought I've done okay with things. This time, I really thought I did a really poor job. I talked too fast, I didn't give enough background, I didn't present the data well... But I had people tell me I was a really good speaker. Is this just in context of an intern presenting for the first time, or did they actually think I did a good job? And what does that mean if I thought I did poorly?

All the Exercise!

Went bouldering and hiking on Saturday, and played Frisbee/spun my rifle a bit yesterday. I think I fell off the wall a few too many times on Saturday though - my entire body hurts. Especially my shoulder blade muscles. Anyone know any good ways to stretch those?

I've really been so amazingly blessed by the CFC/Crossroads community here. God's put some amazing people in my life, from all directions. They're all so loving and such fun people to be around. It's definitely a change from GrX last year. I felt very much like a little sister there, and I learned so much about relationships. Crossroads has taught me more about how to learn alongside others. To give as well as take.

God is good, and God does good.

It feels so weird to be off work while the sun's still up...

Why can't I just get over you?

Updates!

It's been forever since I've last posted! Quite a bit has happened, not all of it good. Honestly, this summer's been pretty stressful as summers go.

Work has been fun, but also intimidating. It feels like everyone here knows more than I do. Which is probably true to be perfectly honest, but I definitely feel inadequate and ill-prepared to help them on this project... Everyone is really nice and encouraging though, which is definitely a plus.

I've been struggling a lot since my relationship ended a few weeks ago. It's been and will continue to be a rough ride. I've found a wonderful church community here though, in CFC. These are amazing brothers and sisters and I've truly been blessed by them.

It's hard to catch up on more than a month haha. Hopefully if you read my blog you're friends with me on Facebook so any interesting news has probably been posted there. In any case, I'm still technically at work and I would hate to miss the last bus home, so I'll try to update more frequently in the future!

19!

Am I beginning to fade?

Hey There Grizzlies!

All these teachers still as awesome as ever. =]

Back in California =]

With these silly guys. Visiting Cal tomorrow! Come find me! Can't wait to say hi to everyone again. =]

One down, four to go.

English tomorrow, philosophy Tuesday, CS Wednesday, and thermo Friday. Prayers are appreciated... For everything really.

I've also just been feeling really anxious and unprepared (had the most horrible time falling asleep yesterday) so prayers for peace and knowledge that I'll be okay.

One week, then we're done!

So ready to be back home...

#dangerdust

I'm honestly so stressed and overwhelmed I might cry.

Still two Dean's Date papers to write/revise, then all the finals afterward... Which is especially rough since physics is the first one... And I somehow have to find time to pack up my entire life again in the middle of that.

Lawnparties '14

Lawnparties with this cutie. =] Lots of yummy food and fun with friends! GriZ was actually pretty good, and the sunshine was much appreciated. Time to crack down on tons of work though... Two chem psets and two essays due before the five finals I have. Derp.

Semiformals!

Email exchanges...

I honestly feel like my friends are perfect sometimes. Then I wonder why they even talk to me. Then I realize... some of them don't anymore.

Soli Deo Gloria

I was baptized yesterday! It was honestly just such an amazing experience. Praying with the girls before the service, being able to share God's work in my life, and just seeing how many of my friends came to support me.

I've been so blessed. =]

COS 323

The description has changed so much since last year... New professor (like, literally new - he's coming to Princeton in the fall) who works with mathematical computation... It changed from recommended MAT 201/202 but not required, and no required prior experience with MATLAB to this. I'm scared.

Computing and Optimization for the Physical and Social Sciences

Amir Ali Ahmadi 

An introduction to several fundamental and practically-relevant areas of numerical computing with an emphasis on the role of modern optimization. Topics include computational linear algebra, descent methods, basics of linear and semidefinite programming, optimization for statistical regression and classification, trajectory optimization for dynamical systems, and techniques for dealing with uncertainty and intractability in optimization problems. Extensive hands-on experience with high-level optimization software. Applications drawn from operations research, statistics, finance, economics, control theory, and engineering.

Sample reading list:
M.T. Heath, Scientific Computing, an Introductory Survey (2nd edition)
T.H. Cormen, C.E. Leiserson, R.L. Rivest, C. Stein, Introduction to Algorithms (2nd edition)
R.J. Vanderbei, Linear Programming: Foundations and Extensions
Convex Optimization, S.Boyd, and L. Vandenberghe

Reading/Writing assignments:
Problem Sets and Design Projects 

Requirements/Grading: 
Mid Term Exam - 20%
Other Exam - 30%
Problem set(s) - 50%

Other Requirements:
Statistical, design or other software use required 

Prerequisites and Restrictions:
Multivariable Calculus: MAT 203 preferred; MAT 201 is acceptable. Linear Algebra: MAT 204 preferred; MAT 202 is acceptable. Familiarity with MATLAB. Familiarity with basics of probability and random variables (e.g., at the level of ORF 309) is recommended but not required.. 

Other information:
Students will use the MATLAB-based optimization software YALMIP, which is free to download 

"The Dress Looks Nice on You"

Thanks for everything yesterday Matterpie. I love you. =]

Meanwhile at Princeton...

"You're a terrific writer, and this is very polished work."
Grade: B/B+

Hrm. So... Time to be a better writer and shine up my work more I guess?

I have somehow found myself pursuing four certificates (minors). Uhm. I knew my lack of focus in my interests was going to be a problem...

Maybe...

If I surround myself in music and work, I'll feel a little less alone. Strangely, being around people just makes it worse.

It's also striking how little work I've done this weekend.

I miss back when life was simpler. When did it get to this?

Studying Abroad?

I learned that chem majors have the option of studying abroad in the spring of junior year. Which is sounding super appealing especially since there's a program at the University of Edinburgh, which hosts the IIP I've been attempting to get for the past two years...

I just don't know if it's what I want to do. When I heard of the biochem exchange at Oxford, I really wanted to go but knew I couldn't, since junior fall for chem majors is not planned for study abroad (we have core lab and other mandated courses). Unfortunately the program doesn't exist for spring semester. I also don't know if my decision is being influenced by the fact that so many of my friends are going and have gone abroad.

There are so many classes I want to take here, and also certificates I would earn as a result, but I don't think I would be able to fit all those classes in my schedule if I were to study abroad. I honestly just don't know. I'll talk to Dr. L'Esperance about it come advising time I guess, and see if it's feasible, try to figure out if it's what I want, and pray to God to see if it's in His plans for me.

I'm constantly struck by how amazingly kind and willing to help my friends are.

PTX@TheElectricFactory

Got to go see Pentatonix with Matt and Nicole! Super amazing and totally worth the loss of working time (even though it's going to make today pretty rough...). They were so good! Ahhh I can't even. The opening with Daft Punk was the *best.*