I really do believe that God reached out to me today, and it was a wonderful experience. I was walking on Market Street to meet Ross, when I passed one of the city's many homeless. And normally I give what I can, but I don't think much of it. But today, my heart sincerely went out to him, and when he said "God bless," I honestly felt an outpouring of love for my brother in Christ.
I passed an unusually large amount of needy today; they're always around in the city, but I've never run into so many... And each time I passed one, I felt such pain at their pain, and earnestly wanted to help. And I always have - I've always tried to give what I have, but today, I really felt like God was telling me to embrace my brothers and sisters.
And normally, the homeless in the city remain fairly unobtrusive, they sit on street corners with their signs and cups. But today, I heard their voices calling out in the streets, pleading for help. And I saw so many walk by without a second glance. Ross and I stopped by Starbucks, where I bought a hot chocolate and a pastry (I don't normally get food at Starbucks). And there was a reason for that - when we stepped outside and were waiting to cross the street, a man came up asking for help, and I was able to give him the pastry I had just gotten. I gave whoever I had passed whatever change I had, but once I got to twenty dollar bills, I felt a hesitation. Not so much that I didn't want to give them, but that there was a better way to do so.
We stopped at Westfield Mall and stopped to grab some food at Chipotle. Honestly, when Ross and I weren't talking, I kept thinking about how I could better help those I had passed. I debated buying Chipotle quesadillas or burritos, but it wasn't the most nutritious thing available. So afterwards, I stopped at Walgreen's and bought a few sandwiches, and passed them out to those I had missed. And the number I had gotten was absolutely perfect - the last one was handed to a man right outside the BART entrance.
And hearing so many of them saying things like "God bless"... It really lifted my heart. I've been so preoccupied with my work and staying in contact with my friends, with *my* life, that I hadn't thought about those less fortunate than me in a while. And seeing their thankful faces, some with tears in their eyes... I don't know why He chose today, but He did. God is wonderful, and He works in ways we do not understand. And yet the mystery of it all is beautiful.
And one last time, on the ride home, He spoke to me once again. A woman was walking through the train with her child, asking for change. I didn't have any food to give (well, I had Chipotle leftovers but it felt weird to give leftovers to someone, like saying they were only worth what other people had had first), but I did conveniently have more change from purchasing sandwiches which I was able to give her. And like the others, the thanks on her face warmed my heart. Praise God for His love and His plans for us.
And yet, through this all, there were sobering instances. Ross asked if I wanted him to take pictures of me handing out the sandwiches. It took me completely off guard, and I may have responded a bit harshly. It seemed so wrong to even ask - when he asked, the first thing that flashed through my mind was Matthew 6:3-4 "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Yet at the same time, my giving wasn't in secret. After all, Ross was with me the entire time, witnessing my actions.
And another occurrence, on BART, when the lady passed through. She stopped slightly longer than usual, in front of a man, showing him her sign explaining her situation (she had lost her job and was raising two kids on her own), and I heard him say "I can't help you." And may God ensure that those words never pass my lips, that I *can't* help someone. I may not know how to help them, but I pray that I will always have a way to do so, even if it's not known to me.
And finally, there are still so many needy, and there always will be. I once made a trip to San Francisco with food to give out, and I pray that I can find the time to do so again. To load up my backpack with water bottles and sandwiches, and to hand them out to those less fortunate. And yes, it will take time, and money, and effort, but being able to help, saying "God bless" and seeing the thanks in their eyes. Every second and every penny will be worth it.
"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"
Matthew 25:40
***
Now for a quick recap of today!
Spent the morning gathering tons of chemicals for my project from various stockrooms. Anilines everywhere! They don't smell too nice though - I had to take a break midway just because I felt a bit off. And these labels... Carcinogenic, mutagenic, reacts with air, store under nitrogen, causes liver damage... Oh dear.
Grabbed lunch at the Gateway food truck with Lucy! Twas The Chairman today, so we got gua bao! ♥
Did a *ton* of calculations in the afternoon: how many mg/mL the stock solution should contain for each guest (18 of them at the moment), based off a tentative Kd for p-toluidine, how much the concentrated stock should contain and how much the diluted should be... So many numbers.
Biked home, ran to catch BART up to SF! Chilled with Ross - we completely failed at finding a cafe which was still open and not ridiculously expensive, but I know He had a plan for that to happen. We had a pretty nice talk over Chipotle - hoping that we can grab dinner again in the future. =]
Came back to the apartment around 9 and I'm just chilling now! Eat some food, read a bit, sleep. Life is good and God is great.
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