Transparency

In eighth grade, I started this blog with the intention of it being a journal. And it really has been, for the most part. But I've discovered that little by little, as I realize how many of my friends read what I write, and base how they think I'm doing or what they know about me upon my posts, I've in a way been censoring them. I've gone through more than my eighth grade self could have imagined, and I've been slightly uncomfortable logging all of my struggles or triumphs or otherwise because I know that my parents, friends, mentors, etc may read them. I've been refraining from saying some things that may seem petty, or from posting things that are controversial, or from showing what I'm truly struggling through for fear of people knowing. I've spent a long time suppressing my feelings, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears because I'm afraid of people asking and feeling sorry for me. But I don't want to hide anymore. 

So from now on, I'm going to try to write truthfully, and give a truly accurate depiction of what I'm going through. I'm going to try to be less obscure, and more blunt. It will take time, and I ask that all of you who read my blog to please be patient with me, to help me through this, and to not make a big deal out of what may seem like very concerning thoughts at times. I want to make this blog what I intended it to be, so sometimes my posts will seem concerning, and I just ask that you take it with a grain of salt, and to not treat me differently or make things I say a valuation of who I am. When things get tough, instead of reading those posts as a cry for help or a call for attention, please see them as trusting you to witness my healing process. And when things are going well and I'm happy, please don't read my posts as fishing for praise or compliments, but just as me wanting to share my joy with you. And while some things may still be unsaid, I really do want to try to open up a little more. And while it might, in a sense, be easier just for me to make this private, as a real written journal would be, I think it's about time that I stopped trying to hide parts of me.