Evaluating Success

Kathryn, Elizabeth, Matt, Hansen, and I had a pretty awesome conversation tonight, in the wake of Hansen's "surprise" birthday party. Pretty awesome, tons of really funny OA stories, high school stories, random jokes and thoughts about teachers. One thing really stuck with me though, and that was when we were talking about essentially how accomplished all of our peers were, and in the eyes of each one of us, the others in the room are.

It might just be a personal opinion/view, but when I say people scare me in reference to their accomplishments and successes, I mean it in such a way that I don't believe I could ever achieve what they have. And honestly, I was legitimately surprised - shocked, stunned - when Hansen said that I scared him, and the others agreed. And maybe he didn't mean it the same way I did, but that's how I interpreted it.

People have told me that I have a really strong double standard. I tend to think that my accomplishments are a result of luck/chance, and I really am not worthy of the successes I've been awarded, but that other people's abilities are what allow them to achieve so much. And in a way, it seems as though most of the world operates on the opposite double standard.

It was just stunning to me that people thought I has accomplished enough, or was talented/driven/etc enough to be "scary." I honestly don't think I'm that special. I don't deserve all that I've been given. I'm not worthy of all these blessings. It was just so interesting to see what seems to be a disjoint between what others think of me, and my own perceptions.

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On another note, rock climbing was tons of fun. No arm muscle whatsoever - only made it up the wall once, though I got within a few feet two more times before my arms just sort of gave out.

Trying to get Hansen back to Forbes...
Me: "Hey Hansen, I'm just going to drop by my room and grab you some ramen, then head over to Forbes with you. I should say hi to Matt anyways."
Elizabeth: "Yeah, and I left some of my music stuff in Paul's room. Like a study guide. I really need it or else I can't do any studying."

Monica's profound statements. "Monica out."

OA Command's going to be so much fun - I really hope we get to manage the area that Hansen's in. =]