Musings and Maybes

What else is life made of really? The problem is I keep thinking about random things in life and completely neglecting my schoolwork and studying just to think about things. I've sincerely been craving late night talks recently. What about? No idea. I just sort of want to ramble. Talk about life in its past, present, and hopeful future states. I guess in a sense I just want to think out loud and not feel awkward because no one's listening. Maybe I'll just go lay out under the stars someday when it's not all rainy and dreary and talk to whoever wants to listen.

I always find it interesting and a bit saddening to think about all of my friends with whom I had these late night talks, but haven't really kept in touch. What are they up to? How are they? Do they still lay under the stars with a few friends, blasting music and laughing about life? Do they still sit on hills waiting for the sunrise, talking about their fears? Have they found new friends and confidants to do these things with? Or are they sort of like me, living in the memories of the past, when everything just sort of clicked and we found ourselves immersed in these discussions without any planning?

Every decision we make carries some significance - what would have happened if I had a different name? Not skipped a grade? Chosen a different school? Woken up slightly later today or walked slightly faster to class? Would I be a different person? Have met different people? Think and act differently?

Maybe all of these little decisions had different outcomes in different universes. Maybe I would be a better person if I had changed one decision made when I was a little kid. Maybe I would just be a different person. Maybe I wouldn't have met or gotten to know you. Maybe I wouldn't even be alive. Or maybe nothing significant would have changed.

And despite all of my musings, none of it is in my control. I'm not going to suddenly start eating oatmeal in the mornings to see if it changes anything. I'm not going to change what I do to see if anything else does. None of it matters. I'd then be left wondering what would have happened in all of the other innumerable scenarios. None of it is in my control. And so why should I worry even? I'll just try to be the best person I can be, find my happiness and help others find theirs.

Sometimes musing makes things better. And sometimes maybes can make life more certain.

***

To give credit where it's due, the title comes from this. It's beautifully sad.