I really couldn't handle doing orgo. I felt completely overwhelmed (and still do) and have no idea where to start studying. It wasn't working, so I figured I'd take a walk and mail some things, put up Night Market posters... I got all of the errands done, and I was considering walking up to the fountain to relax and just calm myself down a bit, but since it was relatively quiet, I just laid outside on the little concrete border on the Frist south lawn.
Honestly, just looking at the stars and how velvety black the sky was... I don't even know. It just made me realize how minuscule I am, how insignificant. This vast expanse, stretching out until who knows when... And I'm just one person of billions, on a planet that's merely a speck of dust (if that) on the fabric of the universe. I've definitely experienced feeling small before, but I think today I truly realized it. How meaningless my life could be. And yet, it's not. I have all of these amazing friends and such great opportunities ahead of me. I have the chance to grow, and to learn, and to make myself a better person. And though I'm just one person in billions, why should that stop me from trying to improve myself, to help make a difference? Why should that make me feel worthless? I don't really know what's been happening lately, since this seems to be happening rather often, but I sincerely just wanted to cry. As much as I don't deserve it, I have a blessed existence. Just being allowed to exist, really, is a miracle. And each one of my friends, my interactions with others; well, those are pretty miraculous too. Life's beautiful.
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