Keep looking for something more. Be content, but not satisfied.

This one's for you, jerk.

What are the odds
You find someone remarkably
Like yourself
Yet so utterly distinct
You could never understand?
You would
Never
Expect to think,
"Yeah, I feel that"
But you do,
And it pulls at the
Threads of your life
As they're intertwined
With another's.
Do we have to specify
How we
Came to where we are
How we
Understand one another?
Maybe kindred spirits
Exist to teach us just how
Different
We can be,
To rejoice in our common
Humanity
Thank each other for our stories
Share a journey.

T-7 days until three weeks touring the country!

By the country, I mean grad programs, but close enough.

At least you'll admit you were wrong in liking her while dating me, and claiming you didn't. It's not much compared to what happened, but it's something.

Scripps!

Had an absolutely amazing time in La Jolla this past weekend. Met some pretty amazing people, learned about exciting chemistry, and I could definitely see myself there for my graduate career. Psyched for what the other visits hold, but for now, it's time to catch up on work!

From 7 to 67

Okay, that's a bit of a lie since it's been unseasonable warm today and yesterday, but I'm ready for sunny San Diego regardless. Flying out tomorrow morning bright and early!

This semester is strange. Very little coursework - lots of precept and review posts though - and lots of labwork, though not enough for me to feel comfortable about writing my thesis... And coming soon, a three-week break from Princeton.

I'm not sure how to approach any of this.

But I have this really cute, really smart, really awesome guy by my side through it all, so it could be a lot worse in any case. =]

When relationships, beautiful as they were, become toxic, then it's time to let go.

If someone doesn't want to be friends, they're always seen as the bad guy. I'm okay with that if it means this will be over.

I'm tired of defending people to others; maybe it's time for me to realize something they see that I don't

It's only happened three times, but each time trying to justify it to others/myself just made me confused and more hurt. Perhaps when so many other people say it's time to just accept they didn't consider you as much as you consider them, that they're seeing something you're blind to because you didn't want to think they could really just throw you away for something else, or for nothing at all. Maybe there's truth in things you don't want to accept. But if it's a risk they were willing to take, then it's not something you have to hold onto regardless of how much it hurts.

Show yourself some grace. It's been months, and if it's still not okay, then it's not okay. And that's okay.

"Dating a best friend's ex, with or without their consent, is the best way to end a friendship."

I made a title page

Does this count as having started my thesis?

I never until now realized how much I'd been controlled in the past. And with that, it's not going to happen anymore.

And yeah, maybe it's a little gratifying that everyone else realizes how shitty of a situation this is, and how shitty it is for me to be put here. And maybe this is another of those cases where you delude yourself into thinking people are your friends when your friendship isn't worth enough, even if it is worth something.

Because of course this whole best friend dating ex causing all the problems hasn't been beaten to death in sitcoms and dramas... Apparently my life is a good option too.

Of course neither of you understand considering you played the exact same role in your respective positions.

7/7

If they all think I can do it, I guess it's time to make sure I can.

Imposter Syndrome

I think this is arguably the longest I've ever gone without posting on this blog... What can I say, it's been a crazy semester/past few months. I suppose I should go with a quick recap.

First semester... Hm. Lots of stress over graduate and fellowship applications (but more so waiting for decisions), graduate courses, relationships, faith, friends, **thesis**... It's definitely been a rollercoaster, but a fun one in retrospect I suppose. PEF/Manna retreat was absolutely amazing, as was my trip to Boston following it. Both left me a little bruised and battered physically (that's what happens when I try to play sports), and the first a little banged up emotionally. It was great bonding with friends new and old though, and it was a much needed break from Princeton. Thesis is stressing me out still, especially since my project still doesn't work, I don't have full characterizations of any of my molecules, and I haven't started writing yet... Woops. God is good though.

And praise to Him, I've heard back (positively) from most all of my graduate programs now!

[y] California Institute of Technology
[y] Harvard University
[y] Massachusetts Institute of Technology
[y] The Scripps Research Institute
[] Stanford University
[y] University of California Berkeley
[y] University of California Irvine

Still yet to hear back from fellowships, but the grad programs are the important part. It's almost hard to find motivation now that I know I'm "safe" but I'm also terrified by how much I don't know, and how much I don't even know I should know. I can't help but think what if I should up for a visit weekend or for the fall and everyone realizes I'm not anything like what they expected? Guess there's my motivation to keep working hard and learning more so I can be a bit more prepared...

Through all of this, I'm so thankful for Mike. He's been such a blessing and so patient and understanding through all of my stress and mood swings. First semester was made just a little (or quite a lot) better by his being there.

It's going to be a good last semester. Crazy to think I'll be leaving this place in less than half a year...