63/365

This is a rant. If you're annoyed by rants, don't read it.

You complain about school. About family. About relationship problems. Just stop. Everyone is going through the same shit you are, possibly more. So you have a crapload of work from your AP classes. So does everyone else. Your parents keep bugging you about grades and getting on your nerves. At least they don't beat you to the ground for a grade that's been the same for the past month because your teacher hasn't updated it, or scream at you for never studying enough. At least they don't simultaneously expect more of you and tell you that you're going to fail. At least they don't abuse you emotionally and physically, at the same time. If you weren't ready for a relationship, you shouldn't have gotten into one. If your boyfriend is pissing you off, work up the courage and tell him. If you don't see him enough, manage your other priorities well so you can. There's not much you can do about feelings you can't help but feel, so there's nothing I'll say about that.

I don't have a perfect life either. It pisses me off when people say, "But you're Erica!" Yeah, I'm Erica, so what? I'm human too. I have problems too. I feel just as worthless and inadequate as the next person. I cry myself to sleep. I beat myself up for not being good enough. I have just as much school crap, family crap, and relationship crap as you do. I'm just like you, I just hide it better.

I post rants, because sometimes I just need to vent, but you don't hear me talking about all the crap I've gone through. You haven't heard about 5th or 8th grade, summer and fall of 2010, or last Tuesday. You haven't heard me cry at 6:00am out of pure, unadulterated fear. You haven't heard about the REAL reasons the things you asked about are there. You haven't heard the tears behind this mask.

And you never will. Not because we aren't friends, and not because I don't trust you. But because you have your own shitty problems to deal with, and I'm not going to add to those.

But please, just keep that in mind the next time you come crying to me because your parents, who take you shopping and buy you Christmas and birthday presents, hate you. Remember that life will get better, and could be much worse, and that this, despite what you think, isn't the end of the world.

But I'm not saying I won't be here. I'll be here forever, with a shoulder and a smile, and I won't say a word. How can I? You have far too much on your own plate.