I Fail at Life...

Seriously. I SUCK at guard. Most of the times, I really feel like I'm holding back our team; the could be SO much better if I wasn't there...
But anyways, today, the dancing part was actually pretty fun. We have this part where everyone is either lifting their body up, collapsing down, or spinning around in sequence, so Jay was like, "Go to the part where you're either Rain Dance, Ground Worship, or Tornado!" Me, I do Rain Dance, Ground Worship, Tornado, Tornado. And the really funny thing is, all t time we were doing that stuff, it'd rain spasmodically. So it was either hat the gods hate us for not just making it rain, or their answering our "Rain Dances." But it ended up being sunny, so it didn't really work.
Then Jay was getting on our case about not being aggressive enough, so he started making his weird metaphors again. (He has ones like, "Every time you drop your flag, a baby dies," and "Every time you mess up, God pulls the wings off an angel." He also compares our aggressiveness to fish in "Finding Nemo" in ranking of least aggressive to most: Sturgeon, Dory, Nemo, Merlin, Piranha.) So today he was like, "You want to pop the zit, so be AGGRESSIVE!" Then he'd be like, "You guys suck at popping zits!" or "Some pus came out that time, you want it to be oozing out!" It was rather disturbing ad funny at the same time.
Now during the flagwork part, we learned some new ballad work, and I don't get any of it. I really need to get with someone before Saturday (our first competition, OMG...)
And during our drill... I sucked. Seriously sucked. As in, if I was missing from the competition, it'd look better with this hole where I was, than how I performed today. I totally didn't get the 18 count move forward work, missed my drill spot on the 12 after, and screwed up my work on the 6 count halt. Then in the ballad, I totally f*cked up the 40 count half work (I even hit Jenny's flute on a run; I was like "OMFG, are you okay?" Then I screwed up the 16 count move, and missed the new work we learned (it was only 3 counts for God's sake!) for about the first three repetitions of our ballad run.

But yeah, I basically fail at life, and I feel like I'm holding everyone back. Ugh. I'm just going to have to work THAT much harder, but now, it feels like no matter what I do, I still suck...