DONE!

With more than one thing! xD

Finally finished with all of my testing. Technically I was done back in June, but my parents wanted another humanity, and I was like, eh fine. Then I realized that I had like no humanities I could take because...
1) Like hell I'm retaking French, I'd get a 200 or something
2) I don't know any other languages besides Chinese which isn't worth it to take since it'll have virtually no weight because I AM Chinese
3) I suck at history, so I probably would do worse if I retook USH (and I wouldn't bother with World), plus it's a decent score
So... Lit it was. Which is ironic because SAT IIs are supposed to be in subjects you like, and lit is pretty much SAT CR on steroids. And I suck at CR. But it's chill, because I got a 770, which is nice (especially since lit has the lowest average - it's the only subject test in the 500s). Though compared to my math/bio/chem scores, now all of my schools will probably be like, "Oh hey, she's good at math and science and... oh..." Eh, whatever. xD

We're done with our t-shirt cannon! Well, the physical building part, we just need the programming to hook it up. I feel proud because I helped attach the motor, and came up with the idea that we used to mount the cannon to the base/robot. And it looks hella sick too, which is a plus. I also got to use the bandsaw and drill press. =] I'm new and like the only girl there, so it makes me proud that I can contribute something.



Also finished sending my ACT scores to all my colleges. That was like over a hundred dollars gone in like 5 minutes. Just wow. (I sent my SAT scores to my EAs too, but as I haven't finished it for all my colleges, so it's not officially on this list. xP)

I wish I could say I finished my Caltech app, but sadly, I'm still working on my essays... Ah well. I got a decent amount of stuff done today, so I'm happy.

Well, Damn

Got my rifle work changed with Mindy/Ellen, which really wouldn't be a big deal, except the new work is pretty fast and I suck at it... But apparently Elaine says Laura and I execute it better. Laura definitely does, because she's a boss, but me, not so much... I'm so annoyed at myself because I'm always like half a count late and half the time I catch super awkwardly... -sighs- Guess I'll just have to work on it a ton before Saturday...

I have a TON of bruises and cuts from guard, it's insane. My left knee is almost entirely bruised from having to kneel at the beginning of the show. xD I also got a tiny cut on my thumb from my rifle today, which didn't hurt all too much, but it was deep and bled quite a bit. =[

Other news - SAT scores out at 2am. Nervous, but not overly so, since this score really isn't necessary for me... Although if I don't do well, it'll be a question of whether I care enough to take it again... I'm also super tired right now, so I might just get someone to call me at 2, wake up and check the scores, then go comatose again. Hm.

Number One Done!

I was a bit too busy yesterday to post this, plus I wasn't feeling too well after it happened, but I sent in my first college application yesterday! MIT will be reading my awesomely weird short answers soon! xD

*****

In terms of news for today, I completely fell down the stairs today. I'm not even sure what happened really, because I was walking... I guess I stepped too close to the edge on a step, and since I was wearing socks, just slipped. Anyways, I slid down six steps, then failed and hit my back on the last stair. My spine still hurts...

Speaking of which, I'd ridiculously sore everywhere. My spine from the stair incident, everything else probably from guard. My right shoulder's been hurting like hell, my left thumb seems really screwed up, and I have random aches in my legs and sides. Bleurgh

I'm craving lots of food we don't have too... -sniffles-

I'm going to go watch some Heartstrings to make myself feel better (close to finishing!) and then sleep. =]

Del Oro TOB

1st place Division 2A Band (5th overall)
5th place overall Auxiliary

Comp itself went well - my show had a few blips and a drop (-sniffle-) but otherwise, it was good. The drop was ridiculous though, it wasn't really even my fault... -sighs-

Drumline performed first this time - I thought they did pretty well, but apparently they thought it could have been better. I guess it always works that way, that the people involved are harsher on themselves.
It was really scary beforehand though, because we had a pretty bad injury. All of the drumline members with bells were holding them up because they're super heavy, and Stephany accidentally let go of hers, and it completely ripped her fingernail off. It was super scary and I felt so sorry for her... She's a trooper though. =]

It was super hot outside. SUPER hot. We had our warm-up, and then set for competition - rifles are kneeling in the beginning. So when I got up from the starting position, I got super light-headed and dizzy, but it was like, "Oh it'll go away." Then I tossed, and like a split second after the rifle left my hands, my vision went pitch black. So there I am, having tossed my rifle, not being able to see, so I probably looked ridiculous trying to catch it. I sort of stuck my hands out and prayed the rifle would hit them. Which it did, but I wasn't able to catch it... =[ Then I felt REALLY screwed because I couldn't see where it was to pick it up, but it turned out okay because my vision came back.
It was super scary though, because I was thinking about what would have happened had I fainted or not gotten my vision back. If I fainted, I would seriously just be lying in the middle of the road for the guard and band to trip over, because no one would stop the show - I'm assuming Mr. J or Elaine or someone would go drag me out. If I just didn't get my vision back, it's almost scarier because no one would know anything was wrong for a while, and I wouldn't be able to take myself out of the show because I can't see where I'm going...

I got a chicken teriyaki bowl for lunch, which was actually really yummy, and a cherry/watermelon shaved ice. Yum.

I also did awards for the first time ever, and it was super fun but also super hot. My feet were burning so much I could barely feel them, and they STILL tingle. I feel sorry for Abbie (and the band) since they were in their big, heavy, stuffy uniforms. Guard had it slightly easier. Speaking of which, I have a very distinct uniform tan - it's super attractive. =P

We had some drama on the way back from the comp though - apparently some band members were saying how guard doesn't work hard enough and how we "finally" placed. They even made Aileen cry. I was pretty pissed, and tried to keep my temper, so I just said how we practice a lot more than the band given our practices are longer and we've been having weekly sectionals since the school year started. But it was just annoying - I don't criticize the band because I don't know what it's like to be in it, so don't criticize us when you have no idea about what guard is like. Whatever, most of the band acknowledges that each section is hard in it's own way.

In any case, Foothill next week! =]

Take Me Away

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Take me someplace where the lights shine brighter at night.

*****

Sometimes I'm really just sick of myself. All those years of having people look up to me for my "intellectual prowess" seem to have gotten to me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing or why the hell I'm doing it. Maybe it's just punishment for thinking I don't have to work as hard at something. Maybe it's a lesson.

I don't know. I feel helpless. Isn't senior year supposed to be relaxing? How come I feel like crying from disappointment and frustration half the time now?

You've Fallen For Me ~ Jung Yong Hwa

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I love his voice, it's amazing. =]

Blah Calculus

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I am so amazingly screwed for the test tomorrow, I just want to cry. I never thought I've be having problems with my math grade...

Confessions

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Even with all of my accomplishments and knowing that others looks up to me, sometimes I still feel completely useless and like a failure.

One reason I like helping others is because it makes me feel needed and appreciated.

Nothing ever seems to be enough. There are too many expectations to fulfill with too many opportunities to fulfill them, and it's just a fact of life that I can't take all of them.

It annoys me to no end when others don't try as hard as they should. If you're going to do something, at least try to do it well. It especially annoys me when the person not trying hard enough is me.

It makes me sincerely happy to just see you every day.

I haven't touched my piano seriously in over a month. I feel like a chunk of my soul is missing, but at the same time, I feel like it's unimportant compared to college apps and everything else going on. And that makes me feel horrible too.

I hate planning to do something and just getting distracted or falling into a little "I just want to sit here and sulk for a bit" lapse.

Despite my seeming ridiculously hyper and happy all the time, sometimes I could really use a hug.

My greatest comfort in life right now is colorguard. I never realized just how much I love it, but I almost want practices every day. No matter how tired I am after practice, or how frustrated, it's just one of those great joys that nothing else can replace.

Screwedness --> Seeking Solace

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My crappy calc grade, shitload of homework I'm putting off until the weekend (which is also a comp weekend), and screwedness for college apps (mainly supplements and especially those for EA) lead to me being sad and very, very worried for my future. I mean, I know I'll get into a decent college, just because I'm not TOO crappy of an essay writer and my numbers are, if I do say so myself, pretty good, but I just want to achieve more.

"Reach for the moon; even if you fall, you'll land among the stars." I've heard that, and while I get the meaning, I'm the type of person who, if I'm reaching for the moon, won't be content with landing among the stars. I'll be disappointed in myself; I was trying to get to the moon. I want to reach that damn moon. Although the saying doesn't even make sense really, because most of the stars are further away than is the moon...

Basically, I'll accept Berkeley and such, but there's always that knowledge that everyone, including myself, expects more of me. It's not so much that they'll be disappointed, although that hurts as well, because I've learned to not live for others. It's that I'll be disappointed.

Anyways, I got completely off-topic. Basically, me feeling sort of like a failure and just being very nervous, but being too tired to and not wanting to do any more work (I'm so so so very tired lately), leads to me watching Heartstrings. Jung Yong Hwa ♥

Raining Heartstrings

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The post title sounds a lot better than what I have to say. xD Basically, I spent 3-4 hours in the rain running and spinning, and I really need to watch Heartstrings.

The band got to leave at like 5:45. =[ It makes me sad, because there we are, running in the rain and spinning in the rain and generally being more in the rain than them, and they get to leave an hour and 15 minutes before we do... -sniffles- Ah well, whatever.

Heartstrings is a kdrama with Jung Yong Hwa and Park Shin Hye (Shinwoo and Minam). I REALLY need to watch it, if only because I'm obsessed with Yong Hwa and spent a good while of my life wishing there was a drama with him as the male lead. Now there is! xD But aghhh I have college apps and lots of homework... =[

*****

Dusky slept on my lap a lot yesterday because it was raining outside. xD He only ever comes in for food or to avoid the rain. Ah well. He's such a cutie-pie.

Clarie did something weird to her pinkie - like the bone got pushed up inside her finger... She needs to get a mini surgery tomorrow and get pins put inside it. -cringes- And she probably can't do guard for the rest of the season either...

We have new guard jackets - I'm only getting mine embroidered with my name though. Weird as that sounds, and as much as I wish I could be uniform with the rest of the guard, it's ridiculously expensive and I already have a guard jacket, so it's sort of pointless for me to get another even if they are nicer. Plus it's my senior year so I don't really want a jacket that I won't wear in the future (since no one really wears high school apparel to college). So I'm just going to get a plain jacket with my name. Well, Clarie's paying for most of it as an advance Christmas/birthday present. xD

College... -sighs-

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I feel so amazingly screwed for college applications... I have so many damn supplements to write... I'm tempted to just not apply to as many schools because of the supplements. I still need 3 more essays and a TON of short answers for my early action schools... -sniffles-

Jhay Had Way Too Much Fun With This

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Nevertheless, I love it. He wrote in a pseudo-ending for our show, since we won't have time to finish it before Cupertino. It's pretty awesome, sort of cute, and really quirky, so hopefully it'll leave a good impression on the judges. =]

On the other hand, band left more than an hour before we did! D=

*****

I love Ross and Simion. Mutual love-hate right there. Maybe more hate than love from their end. xD Ross fails at getting me to let go of his backpack, and I completely didn't steal Simion's sandwich today. They're just really fun to talk to, and they can somehow handle all of my weirdness, which is pretty awesome. Although I say it's unfair when they gang up on me...

Ah life. How I love you at times. Even if I DO have a shitload of stuff to do that I haven't yet done... I feel so screwed for college...

Meanwhile, I'm listening to the River Flows in You - Wedding Dress mix on repeat. I really love that - it sucks that there's no sheet music...

1000 Digital Posts

I'd like to dedicate this post to all of my friends. They put up with my crazy randomness and while rather mean at times, are always there for me when it really matters.

I love you guys!

*****

Shout-outs to the besties =]

Clarie: We've only known each other for what, two years? Funny, cuz we're twins. It seems like forever though... I love our random inconsistent spirit days and how we always argue with each other without actually arguing. Colorguard's so much more fun with you in it! We've both seen each other at our worst and obviously at our best too. Are we doing another anti-homecoming this year? I love our awkward ways of paying each other back - "I'll just buy you something at the next comp" - and being completely mean to each other sometimes. I know I can always count on you if I need anyone to talk to. Now that you can drive, we should totally go out more! I'm off to college soon, but I'll be back for your graduation!

Courtney: I bet you regret ever talking to me in 7th grade, huh? =P These past few years have been absolutely amazing (I finally hear you talk on a daily basis)! xD Aha, just kidding. But yeah, I'm so glad I met you! I know our conversations are more me talking and you sitting there wishing I weren't talking, but feel free to tell me to shut up if need be. Despite your little antics of saying how you hate that you see me every day (first AND last thing of your day!), I know I can always count on you when I just feel like ranting, and you'll always bring me back down to earth and temper some of my craziness. Despite your self-depreciation and pessimism, I want you to know that I think you're absolutely awesome - you'll definitely go far in life. Of course, can't ever forget that you're also an insane pen-spinner! (I can still only do the thumbaround thing...)

Robyn: Ah, my fellow immature kindergartner. I'm so lucky we had Foss together freshman year, or we probably wouldn't have become as close of friends as we are. I love how you're every bit as crazy, random, and hyper as I am (possibly more so), and how we can totally go crazy. It's sort of amusing how Courtney hangs out with us so much, no? I also love how you're shorter than me (I'm totally going to get hit for that). You're super chill and always willing to help, and I have to say that you'd be the absolute best partner-in-crime ever! (Although we'd be so loud, clumsy, and ridiculously stupid that we'd perpetrate the worst crimes... xD)

Lisa: Trash can buddies! You're completely awesome to hang out with, even if that means that our little math sessions are utter failures and just turn into random everything-but-math sessions. I know you worry and stress a ton, and girl, I just have to say, there's no reason you need to. You're every bit as smart as you think I am, even though you believe otherwise. You'll go far in life, and you can look back and laugh at how worried you were about the future in high school. You do have a bit too much drama at times though, but it seems like you've found your prince now though, huh? -winkwinknudgenudge- We better stay in touch in the future, and we can chill and be awk together in college! =]

Ross: Oh Ross. What should I even say? Hm... Despite your apparent enjoyment of my pain, you're pretty chill. I know you probably wouldn't do it if you weren't comfortable around me in any case. Our conversations when we first started carpooling? I swear you barely talked and I felt like a weirdo (not that I'm not one). I super miss our carpool rides and having random conversations about random things on the way to/from school though. You're super sweet and an absolute gentleman (I can totally understand why my parents like you so much). You can be pretty awkward at times, although that's just hilarious. I still think you'd be an absolute boss at interpretive dance... All of these super random memories from random times... I'm really going to miss you when we head off to college, so we better stay in touch! (Not that you can really prevent it, because "I know where you live!")

Brandon: Wow. Nine years of friendship. Pretty beast right there. xD We've been through a lot together - I skipped a grade, you quit Chinese school, then we didn't see each other at all for like two years during middle school. It's pretty awesome that we were able to talk so easily after so long - I can't say that would have worked for everyone. You're super chill and easy to talk to, and I love hanging out with you even if you do make a few too many jokes about my height. I was taller than you in elementary school! For a while... We need to hang out more after I'm through with college apps and all this crap! Nine years of friendship, and way more to come! =]

*****

Vaishu, Bhumika, Hsiang, Simion, Eric, Tommy, Peter, Tony, Kim, Davy, and everyone else that I know and love - you guys are all super awesome! We better hang out more before we (or I at least, psh juniors) head off to college!

As for the double Ellens, David, Melanie, Jung, and all of you other college peeps, you need to come back and visit me! =D

*****

To the Go5, thanks for making my time at COSMOS all that more enjoyable. Shiori and ToTo, I haven't been able to keep in contact with either of you that much, except for the pokes. xD Go online more! As for Brandon, oh, those random as hell conversations at 1am... Chris, you don't know what you're missing out on!

Are we still on for that winter trip to Tahoe/LA? =D

River Flows + Wedding Dress

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This is absolutely amazing - I'm going to learn to play it someday when I have an extra few hours on my hands. Second semester senior year? xD Totally deserving of my 999th post.

Tonight

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Guard completely rocked that halftime, at least from what I saw. I also got shoved in with a double on flag (which I have never legitimately tossed until now) since Brianna and Christina were having troubles with their pass. In any case, my toss went well, and the show, from what I could see, was pretty awesome indeed.

I love football games, just because I get to talk to people. And eat nachos (they're good!). Be awesome with the guard and hang with band members. Ross is mean though. =[

Time to go eat some food, watch some TV, relax, and sleep in prep for the SAT II Lit tomorrow. Yay. xD



Personal critiques for the future -
1) Totally started late. Caught up pretty well though...
2) Awkward walk into the circle and stumble after the double, but that was most likely because it was new...
3) Gotta learn that dance a bit better. Semi-late on the kicks.
4) Picked up the flag the wrong way after the dance. =[