Worthless.

That's what I feel like right now. Absolutely worthless. Seriously. Sometimes I really wonder why I deal with all this sh*t. I'm not getting anywhere in life. I don't know what I want to do in life. Half the things I do are to maintain an image, a facade. Sure, they're part of my personality. but in reality, who really cares? If I went off and killed myself today, would it really matter? Oh yeah, my friends and family would be sad, and they'd probably come and cry at my funeral, but seriously, the world won't have lost anything that can't be replaced. I'm just one girl out of millions. One out of millions with the same potential as me. I haven't achieved anything yet. In fact, I think I've screwed up my life multiple times in the short 14 years I've been alive, it might be better to just... start over. No worries, no cares.

Do my grades mean I'm going to go somewhere in life? Maybe, but not necessarily. Not even likely. So why exactly do I work hard for my grades, to maintain the "smart person" image? Because it's expected. I'm EXPECTED to be one of the best. I'm EXPECTED to be smarter. It's all these freaking expectations that are stifling me. Sure, I'd probably still try for my grades even if my parents were more lax. I'd probably still GET the same grades. But at least it would be because of my own choice. I feel like I'm being forced to live up to other people's expectations. What about my own? What do I want for myself? I really have no idea. All I know is what other people want for me. What I want for myself has become dependent upon other people's expectations of me. Do I really have my own opinions, or are those only derived from the perspectives of others?

Now, I don't even know how to live up to others' expectations. I lie in bed at night and think. What have I done today? Learned about friction forces? Analyzed some literature? But what have I accomplished? Absolutely nothing. I've been called a failure before, and now, I finally feel compelled to agree. I'm barely maintaining my grades. My extra-curriculars are meager. Where exactly am I heading in life? I feel like sometimes I have no ambition, no purpose. Some people know exactly what they want to do, what they want to accomplish, and how they want to leave there mark on the world. What about me? Nothing. I don't know. Sure, I want to be successful in life. But how? By what means? How am I going to pave my own road? Do I want to be successful in a sense of being the CEO of my company, of being relied on by other people, of working by myself to discover new technologies? I want to be happy. But how? Do I want to be rich and famous? Do I want a humble living with a loving family? Do I just want to live day by day, cherishing each moment of life? What am I doing here?

I look at my friends around me, and it seems like they all have some sort of knowledge about what they want to do in life. But what about me? What do I have? I look around me, and my friends all seem happier than me. Sure, one might argue that maybe I'm smarter, maybe I'm better at this and that. But really, why does that matter? All I want in life right now is to be happy. Okay, so part of that involves keeping my grades up, of course, but I don't believe I've actually discovered true happiness. Ross says that he's content, and that I'm too happy sometimes, but now I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm just content as well. Am I truly happy? If I am, would I be asking myself this question? What defines true happiness? I guess in a overall sense, I'm happy, but when I think about the details of my life, I feel so lost.

Sometimes I do get depressed. Yeah, it happens. And when it does, I wonder if it would really matter if I killed myself. I know it sounds selfish, but would it really matter? My family would always remember, of course, but I'm not the only child; my sister can be the shining star. My friends will probably look back in 10 or 20 years and think, "Oh I remember this one girl killed herself in high school... It was so sad..." But would they wonder where I'd be if I had lived? Would anyone wonder? I doubt it. If I don't know where I'm going in life, where I want to wind up, how would they? The world would move on. One more dead girl? Just add her to the list. It's okay, she didn't accomplish much before she went off and killed herself. All I've done in life so far is take up space. If I died right now, there's no reason the world should remember me.

I feel like I had more ambition when I was a kid. I strived for my goals. When I reached them, I set new ones. I WANTED myself to be the best. I took pride in knowing that I was going to grow up, and be envied by others, and have a successful living. When other kids were off playing, I was inside reading books, doing math, learning. Sure, I was a nerd. But I had the motivation. What do I have now? When did I start losing my goals in life? Where am I going? What am I doing here?

People in This World...

Sometimes they really piss me off. Hell, sometimes I piss myself off. But I just need to rant right now, so I'm listing some things that people do which really just annoy the hell out of me. I'll probably add to it in the future even.

The Drama Queen
Okay, so these people are usually girls; don't ask me why. Maybe it's just a gender thing. -shrugs- But seriously, stop making your affairs sound so amazingly stressful and more complain-worthy than ours. Half the time, they're things that everyone goes through. Another 49% of the time, it's your own damn fault. And the 1% that's actually slightly worth complaining about? You make it sound like the world's going to end. Seriously. This just makes you look like a little brat who can't handle life. Okay, so your parents told you you need to improve your grades. You make it sound like if you don't get a 95% on the next test, they're going to chop up your body and shove it in the river. You even throw in some tears. Seriously? In reality, your parents aren't happy with your grades, but you know, given your B's in half your classes, they shouldn't be. They want you to be better. But don't make it sound like they're murderers just waiting for you to get a B on your next test. Even my parents aren't that bad, and this is coming from the girl who freaking CRIED because she got didn't finish one of Mrs. Begg's tests in 7th grade. Tough up. It's life. We all have problems. DEAL WITH IT.

The Phony Perfectionists
So first of all, if you keep repeating that you're a perfectionist, you really can't be that much of one. I'm friends with some of the craziest, most legit perfectionists ever, and trust me, not a single one has actually admitted to being a perfectionist. They might admit to being a little OCD, but none of them say, "OMG, this project took so long! It's not even that hard, it's just because I'm such a perfectionist!" Like, the actual perfectionists will admit to themselves that they're perfectionists, but they never declare it out loud. It's just retarded. Why would you want someone to know that you can't handle something being crooked or out of place?

The Liars/"Slacker" Braggers
Liars in general piss me off. Just tell the truth already. It's not like embellishing yourself with lies is going to make us like you more. But for these purposes, I'm focusing on liars in school. As in,
"OMG, we have a test today! Did you study?"
"No."
Okay, some people actually say this honestly, like Eric Tu. He doesn't need to study and everyone knows it. But when it comes to some people, even if they don't need to study, you know with their personality, they definitely studied. Maybe they didn't stay up half the night, but they at least cracked open the book and reviewed terms or things. Some things I really don't study for, like chemistry, but if you ask me if I studied for physics or Euro, it would just be retarded to say no. Obviously I studied. Just admit it. There's nothing good in pretending to be a "slacker" who still gets perfect grades. There's nothing good in BEING a slacker who gets perfect grades.

The "Subtle" Show-off/Attention Seeker
Okay, these are the people who use covers to brag. Like this one guy got his score back for the PSAT. Highest one I saw today, so obviously he was proud of it. But does he go around just saying he did really well, which is annoying enough already? No. He uses his "crappy" grade in critical reading, which is still really good, to shove his PSAT score sheet into your face and fake being really disappointed in himself. Stop it. We can see right through your stupid little act. When my friend congratulated him for doing really well, and he acted surprised that she knew, I literally told him, "Well you've been waving around your score sheet anywhere, obviously she'd know." Did he have a comeback? No. Because that's exactly what he wanted. Attention. To let people know he did well. If you were really mad about that "crappy" score, why the hell would you go around showing people? It's like me running around with a test I failed and screaming, "HEY GUYS, LOOK! I GOT A D-!"

The Secretly Vain Ones
Also mainly girls. Okay, this girl shows up at school in tiny short shorts and a skimpy tank top, in the middle of WINTER. Everyone thinks she's crazy and asks her why the heck she'd wear that in the middle of winter, and what does she say? "Oh I don't know, I really don't care anymore." Yeah, well, we all know you just wanted to be "pretty." Just admit it. "I felt like being pretty today" or "I felt like dressing up today." No one's going to look down at you for wanting to be noticed. We all want to be noticed; everyone's self-esteem gets a boost if you think/know you look good. But pretending you rolled out of bed in freezing cold weather and just randomly decided to wear tiny shorts that barely cover your butt to school? Yeah. Not so much.

The Moochers (Not in Food)
Okay, this seriously annoys me, and probably tons of other people as well. People who come up to you, and only talk to you when they want answers to homework. Really? You think I don't notice that we never talk unless you want to know the formula for sodium bicarbonate? Sometimes I really just want to look at them and say, "You know what? I don't feel like sharing my answers with you, because you'd never talk to me if we didn't have this class together, and if you didn't need help. So go find another person to copy answers off of. B*tch." But of course, I don't want to be mean. So yeah, it's nice knowing that I'm the person you come to for help, because it means I actually know my stuff, and you think I'm nice enough to help you, but seriously. I can tell if you'd talk to me otherwise, like if we passed in the hall. If you're my friend, duh, I'll help you. If you're some little airhead who goofs off in class, then comes up to me in tutorial and pretty much asks me to explain the whole freaking lecture to them, you can bet I'm not too happy about helping you. Oh sure, I'll explain it to you, and help you through it, but I really don't want to be doing this.
Oh, and even better? When they ask for your whole freaking assignment to "check their answers." As in, -coughs- totally copy everything. Plus, they don't even care if they understand the material, they just want the answers. I even had someone ask me to lend them my homework for the period, since our teacher only checks the homework and doesn't collect it. I was just like, "Wow, really?" It just pisses me off, especially in my harder classes, because I spend a good deal of time working my butt off to understand and finish that homework, and you're just getting the answers with pretty much no expense on your part.

The Complainer
Okay, everyone complains. But this is directed to the people who pretty much have a near-perfect life. You complain about parents hating you, yet you show up in brand name clothes. And I know you don't make that much money, if any, to buy them all yourself, because you complain about that too. You consistently say everyone is better than you, and has a better life, when, if you look at yourself, you're perfectly well-off. You say your life is horrible, yet somehow, you're gorgeous, awesome at a sport (any sport), have parents and siblings who love you (even if it's not obvious at times), and compared to the general public, you're extremely smart too. You complain about pretty much everything possible.
You complain about failing a test. Yeah, that's your own fault. Like, I'll talk about it too, but I know when to stop, because it's my own damn fault for not prepping enough. Obviously I didn't understand the material or I wouldn't have flunked. Stop complaining about how the test was impossible. If it was impossible, everyone would have flunked; that didn't happen, so obviously it wasn't impossible. And then there's people who complain oh so loudly about an A-. Shut. The. F*ck. Up. If it's a test in an easy class, okay, that's at least acceptable. If it's a test half the class failed, just close your mouth, because you're making everyone around you feel like shit. You might think you're just putting yourself down, but really? If I got a C and you got an A-, do you really think I'm going to care that you're not satisfied with your grade? No. I'm going to wish I got that grade. And you're going to make me feel like a retard because you keep saying how stupid you were to get an A-. If getting an A- makes you stupid, I must be mentally retarded then.
Oh yeah, and you "stress" about everything. Even if it's not anything to stress about. And you don't even stress quietly or moderately quietly like the rest of us. No. Your voice gets extremely loud, high-pitched, and whiny. First few times, I tell you it's going to be fine, just calm down. After you keep responding with something like, "But I can't calm down! Ahhhhhh!!!" I really just want to punch you in the face. Really.

If I wanted to complain, I could do that really well too. I can talk about how I'm not good at any sports, and how everyone expects me to be this smart little girl (yet I'm not doing so hot in more than half my classes). When I do well, it's no big deal, because that's supposed to happen. Yet suddenly, if I get a bad grade, it's like, "OMG, I beat Erica! Hell yeah!" How is that going to make me feel? I can talk about how I got hit as a kid for not doing well. I can tell you about how inferior I feel compared to my sister, who is taller, prettier, smarter in general, more responsible. I can tell you about the countless times I've gone to bed in tears, and cried myself to sleep because of lectures my parents have given me. Trust me, it's happened more than a few times. I can tell you how worthless and stupid they make me feel.
When you put it that way, I can make my life sound like shit. Sometimes I really feel that way. But do I? No. Because it's not true. I'm lucky to have expectations put on my shoulders. I'm glad that my parents actually expect me to be something. I'm happy that my parents taught me the importance of doing well in school, to be successful. I would rather know what it feels like to have someone be disappointed in you, and go to bed in tears, than to live life totally ignorant. I'm happy to have someone as awesome as my sister to look up to, to help me, to be my role model.

So really? Your life is fine. It's your perspective that needs to change.

*****

By the way, if you're reading this, it's most likely not about you. I didn't really have anyone in mind while writing this, except for that one example for the "subtle" show-off. It was more of just what type of people REALLY annoy me to death in general.

♥ Magicians of Love! ♥

Okay, for those of you who like love dramas, and haven't watch this yet, WATCH IT. That's an order. It's hands-down, THE best drama. Better than Hana Yori Dango and Koizora. It made me cry so much, and it's so amazingly cute! Plus, it's hilarious at times too. It's like, all you could ever want in a drama.

Now I'll warn you that there's probably going to be spoilers in here (at least, only about things having to do with my favorite character, Richie, so not that many as to the whole plot), so you probably shouldn't read on if you're going to watch it. Which you are, RIGHT?

Anyways, favorite character? Lin Er Qi/Richie, hell yeah! I mean, he's a tough guy on the outside, with all his affiliations with the gangsters in Hong Kong, and he has that dangerous appeal, but he's so freaking sweet and amazingly adorable! It doesn't hurt that he's pretty cute either. =P But anyways, he just loves Xiao Bei so much! He risks his life for her over and over again. Who do you know in real life that would do that? Like sure, I'm not saying thats a requirement or even a possibility, but it's amazingly cute.
Plus, he has adorable quotes! Like, the stuff he says to Xiao Bei is just so cute! (Like "I think if my house had you in it, it would be warmer" and "I never thought having a burden would be such a nice feeling.") He faces his godfather (the gangster leader) and says he'd rather die than be without Xiao Bei.
He freaking goes into an elevator that's packed with bombs to save Xiao Bei. And he gambles his life in a shooting match just so he can live his future with her...

And I felt so bad for him when he found out that Xiao Bei loved Ya Si more... And I cried my heart out when he pretended that he didn't love her, so that she'd be free to date Ya Si. It's true, the guy who loves you most is the one willing to let you go if you love someone else.

The break-up scene was just so sad... Like he pretends to kiss another girl to make Xiao Bei leave, but he's really crying like hell... It's just so sad... I literally stopped in the middle of the episode to go cry for like, 5 minutes about it...

Like seriously? I think the Richie cuteness is the main reason I love this drama so much... I really could sort of care less what happens to Ya Si, Xiao Bei, and Fei Nan Du. Everything else is amazingly cute too! Plus, the drama's long, but it doesn't drag on the plot. Everything ties in perfectly. And everyone's happy at the end (including Richie!), plus the ending's hilarious, so that's always nice.

You really can't tell how amazingly happy this drama makes me; I can't even describe it myself. It's just so amazingly adorable.
But anyways, if you love dramas, you have GOT to watch this! It's ADORABLE! I'm so freaking addicted... And I love it so much! Ahhhh I can't even describe how much I love this drama... ♥ So just go watch it. Now. =D

Marching Season of 2009

It's finally over... And I feel so sad, you know? Like, I know I complained a ton about practices and stuff when it was happening, but when it's actually over... And this is why after everything I learned about guard last year (how much work it was, how much time it took, how HARD it was...) I still came back. Plus it's so much worse than last year; last year, only 3 people in guard graduated, and even though Kyle and Jessie left, we were still okay because we knew we had Kelly and Jhay. But now, this year... Half the guard is going to be gone, and that's only accounting for the seniors, not the people who might not come back. Then Kelly's obviously not going to be here (she's having a baby! Yay!), and it's sort of like, she was our lead instructor, and it'll just be so weird without her...

Tons of people were crying yesterday, and we only talked for about 15 minutes. Last year, we reminiscenced for about an hour or so, since the competition was at our school, but this year it was just so rushed... It's just not going to be the same next year... There's barely going to be any people that I knew from the beginning of MY guard experience (four: Ellen, Melanie, Colton, and Natalie)... And then it's like, the band is losing tons of seniors too, so what are we going to do if we don't have enough people? Is there even going to be a Marching Band/Colorguard of 2010?

But I'm just going to miss all the seniors so much! Ashlee, our AWESOME captain, Shine and Jessica, who both helped me SO much, Christine, who is just FABULOUS, Kimmi and McKenzie, who put up with so much this season and still pulled through, Lindsay and Julia, the awesomely hilarious duo, and Karoll, our new but amazing addition from Columbia.

I just can't believe the season's over! No more practices... No more competitions... *sighs* No more THRILL RIDE! and anticipating putting on our show makeup and wigs and becoming Lady GaGa-esque... Like sure, those wigs were a pain, but you put them on, and it's like, time to show off what you've learned. Time to bring it. Time to perform and tell everyone that CAL HIGH IS THE BEST. It's just... Even last year, I really didn't feel as close to the group as this year. Like sure, it sounds cliche, but I really feel like everyone was closer together this year than last. I know for sure that I'm better friends with more people in the guard this season.

I just can't even express how amazingly sad I am that the season is over. Like sure, I'll still see pretty much everyone sometime in the hallways or something, but it's not the same! it's not the same as seeing everyone in our uniforms, our white wigs, our lightnings bolts. It's not the same as looking around a field at night under bright stadium lights and seeing all these people that you've worked with and that have supported you for what feels like a lifetime. It's just not the same... And even though I'll still see Jhay next season (if there is one), and I'll see Rima at Kumon, and Kelly will probably come to cheer us on... It's just different now. You can't put it into words. You have to be a part of this, of guard, to realize how heart-wrenchingly painful it is at every season. To realize how hard it is to look around after a competition at all the faces and realize that that was the last time you would step onto a field together as a team, with those instructors cheering you on in the stands, with those uniforms on, and with that show that you have prepared.

So in an attempt to get away from the soppingly sentimental things that I'm still feeling, I'm just write a brief summary of our season...

*****

Marching Band/Colorguard
Season of 2009

Theme: Thrill Ride!
(Rollercoaster, Sky Diving, Race Car)

Colorguard Uniform Theme: Lady GaGa!

Colorguard Staff: Kelly Elder, Jhay Delos Reyes, Rima Boujaoude

Colorguard Members: Ashlee Evonc, Christine Dang,
Jessica Kuo, Shine Wang, Lindsay Iverson, Julia Spalding,
Kimmi Bowman, McKenzie Llano, Karoll Becerra Sabogal,
Ellen Liang, Melanie Bottini, Colton Bell, Natalie Wade,
Ashby Huber, Laura Nichols, Clarie Liang, Erica Tsai.

CHS YOU KNOW!
GET IT GUARD!

Marching Band Competitions!

Yeah, this post and the next are going to be devoted to Marching Band/Colorguard, because it's awesome and yeah... It's over... =(

Lodi competition: We didn't even warm up at our school; we woke up at 6:30 and went there. =P We ended up getting home way before we usually do (we usually get back around midnight, this time it was around 6 pm), because everyone performed earlier due to the fact that Tokay High School doesn't have stadium lights. I know, I was like, "Uhm... wtf?" Oh yeah, and they're field sucks. It's not even; like apart from the multitude of potholes and dirt patches and stuff, the whole freaking field drops slopes down when you move to the back sideline.
But anyways, we got first in like, everything, plus four sweepstakes. Yeah, we literally had no competition; all the better bands were at the competition we would have gone to, if not for the SAT subject tests. So yeah, that was Mr. Johnson/the band's ego boost of the season. =P

Atwater: Guard's absolute BEST performance of the season! It was GREAT! Everything was hella clean, there were barely any drops, and other than some spacing errors, it was pretty much PERFECT!!!
The band's performance apparently wasn't so hot though, which would explain why we didn't win anything overall for the music. We DID get 1st in our division and 1st in guard though!

Fairfield Tournament of Champions: Well... We didn't tear up the "Bales of Hay" (Granite Bay). They beat us by 4 points. I was literally so disappointed in myself after our show that I started crying. Like, seriously, it was my WORST SHOW EVER. I dropped my rifle in the first movement, stepped on my flag in the second, and had a sail for two sets MOVING ACROSS THE WHOLE FIELD in the third... If only I didn't mess up, maybe we would have won. Sure it's not likely they took off those points solely on me (we had 8 rifle drops in the opener) but still... I was so disappointed... *cries*
But we still got 1st in division, 2nd Colorguard, 3rd brass, and 4th woodwinds, which isn't bad... Like you look at it, and you're like, "Oh, guard got second, good job!" But the thing is, we totally could have beat them if we had a good show!!! I was already pretty sure we weren't going to win given my really sh*tty performance, but after they announced we got second, I seriously started tearing up (NOT from joy) and I think I let quite a few F-bombs loose too. I was just so... ugh... I feel like I could have done so much better, you know? And it was our last performance of the season...
It was the last competition for the seniors too, at least performing at Cal, so it got pretty emotional. It was a really emotional show for everyone... I'll get into that later, plus all the good memories and everything of the marching season of 2009.

I wonder why this means so much to me... It's happened before, it's not even anything big. So why does it feel so bad?

NOMNOMNOM. =D

I've graduated from posting blog posts during French. I'm posting them in ENGLISH now! We're researching for a Dickens paper right now. =P I swear, this class is pointless. Like a double-tipped eraser pencil thing. ;D I love MLIA!


But OMG, I was looking for pictures of double eraser pencils on Google, and guess what I found?I WANT ONE. XD They're like, mini hammers! Or gavels. Or whatever.

So anyways, yesterday was interesting. Totally failed that physics test... Blech. Oh well. The day in general wasn't bad. Chemistry was so easy, as always, physics was... yeah... and French was average. Like always.

Kumon was pretty fun though, Clarie had on this furry gray vest with these huge poof things hanging from her hood, and I was like, "I like your vest, where'd you get it?" And she says, "Ross." Referring to, obviously, the store, but then we both started cracking up so bad. And every single time I was done laughing, I thought of Ross in a fluffy gray vest with giant pompoms and started laughing again. XD

But anyways, Ross is so freaking MEAN to me. It's actually rather interesting. I swear, he's not this mean to anyone else that I know of! Pshhhh. Oh well. =P

So today's interesting as of now... Bombed my math quiz, but whatever. *sighs* I had SO MUCH FUN in math today! Eric and I fail drew Naruto characters, it was awesome. Then he started pen-spinning, and pulled out this BRIGHT PINK highlighter, and I started cracking up, since he had hot pink flashcards, a pink pencil, and a pink highlighter. =P And when Mr. Shack failed at this math problem, he asked Eric for a suggestion, and Eric was like, "I suggest you start over." And when Mr. Shack asked when we know we should start over, Eric said, "When it gets too long or complicated, you want to go back and look for a new method so that you don't get nowhere." And I started laughing so bad, and told him, "See, this is why you're failing English." But technically that's only because Mrs. Addison doesn't like him.
English so far is boring. As you can probably tell. I really don't want to write a paper on Dickens, but whatever. I'll do what I have to... At least I have friends in this class; I think I'd literally die/commit suicide if I didn't...

I downloaded more songs onto my iTouch too; You and I ~ Bom, Yue Lai Yue Ai ~ Fahrenheit, Tui Hou ~ Jay Chou, and some random 2NE1 and Taeyang songs. ;D I don't get how Ross survives without Asian pop! It's crazy, if I didn't have my music, I would have gone INSANE doing my homework. But apparently he listens to jazz, so whatever.

So anyways, my title is from my awesome caramel lollipop experience yesterday. So I was eating a Sugar Daddy, which is basically pure caramel on a stick, and I started chewing it, and all the caramel got stuck to my teeth/the roof of my mouth, and it wouldn't come off. I spent like 5 minutes getting all the caramel off. But it was fun; I'm going to go home and do it again. =P So yeah, the period's almost over (there's like 15 more minutes left), so I'm going to do some minimal research so that I don't get murdered (failed) by the devil's wife (Mrs. Addison). Cya later! =D

Halloween! FREE CANDY!

So the performances on Friday were HELLA fun! Actually, Friday was just awesome in general. We had performances for Marching Band and Colorguard, where we go to the elementary schools in the area, and a senior center, and... perform. Guard has this thing where we look for similarly dressed elementary school kids, and they're our little sisters/brothers. Since I was Harry Potter (or an impersonation of him. Female version. Whatever.), I had tons of little brothers, and one little sister. =P Plus Sophia and Michael were Hermione/Harry Potter, so it was pretty awesome! Little kids have awesome costumes! there was this one Nintendo DS, a pickup lift driver (complete with the pickup lift), DOMO!, and boba!!! Plus Ross had a little brother at Walt Disney. HOT DOGS UNITE! XD It was so awesome! At Twin Creeks, we got them to play "Beat It" so the whole guard did the dance. =D Then at Walt Disney, the whole guard got up and did a congo line in and through the band; it was so much fun! <3 So I got to say hi to some of my old teachers too. Technically, only Mrs. Parkhurst and Mrs. Macias, but Mrs Macias didn't remember me. =( Mrs. Parkhurst did though, so that made me happy. =) Then I was walking around campus and everything seems so small! Ah, memories... Then when we had lunch (right before the performance at Walt Disney), I went into the McDonalds PlayPlace, and it was AWESOME! Well, I tried climbing up the staggered stairs thing, and bashed my head on the second step. XD But otherwise, it was so much fun! And I chased around these little kids who called me a mad scientists, so I told them that I would feed them to my pet dragon. =P I love little kids; they're so cute! So anyways, that was really fun. Excluding the weird looks from my friends and all the parents, but hey, at least I enjoy my life! =P

*****

Then at Kumon, we had TONS of candy. I didn't know if we could take it at first, but then Rima came around with a basket and told us to take as much as we wanted, so I totally got sugar high. Plus the fact that Clarie was with me (since Nari took the day off), so we were both eating candy and being awesome. And I was helping her with logs, but whatever, that's irrelevant. =P It was so fun! We just spent the whole Kumon time eating marshmallow brains and Laffy Taffys. I love Kumon! (And we all know that's only because I got candy, but hey...)

*****

but hey, it's actually pretty fun. =PChinese school was pretty fun too, we had a tic-tac-toe competition. =P Not much to do with Halloween there though, but we DID decide that we were going to sing a song for our annual Chinese school performance. And I'm a main singer, as always, since no one really wants to sing. And Josephine and I planned to go watch "Paranormal Activity" tomorrow, but we probably won't be able to... Too short of a notice... Oh well.

*****

So I had an AWESOME time trick-or-treating with Ross and Tommy today. We ate at the Montevideo party thingy first, where we had sort of a cookie decorating competition. Which I won. =P But that was fun. Then we just walked around and got candy! As well as several comments about us being the "old kids." And more comments about Ross' costume, which, regardless of what people said, was epically awesome. ;D Then afterwards, we went back to Tommy's and counted/ate candy, and talked about Marching Band, cuz nothing else is common among all three of us. XD It was actually rather sad. But it was really fun, so whatever. =P

Don't Bust my Burble!

Yep. I love Ross and his mind blips. XD
So we were in the car, and we were talking, and I was like, "Don't burst my bubble!" Then a while later, Ross went, "Don't bust my bubble!" And I laughed and was like, "It's burst, not bust." So he tells me that he was about to say "Don't bust my burble" instead, and I laughed for the rest of the car ride. Yep, that's me. Once you get me started, I can't stop, even when it's not that funny. But I kept thinking about "burble" and how funny it looks. XD And apparently Ross was plugging his ears, but then whenever he unplugged then I'd restart laughing again, so it was very interesting. =P

So anyways, Foothill! First for our division, first for guard in our division (we were freaking 3 POINTS from winning guard overall, and it wasn't even that good of a show for us!), woodwinds tied for third with Folsom, and percussion got fourth overall. And according to Mr. J, we were one point off from winning sweepstakes, which is like, amazing, but disappointing at the same time.
I didn't do so hot though; I got a sail, dropped, and totally screwed up the big flag work at the end... =( Oh well... I'll make it up next competition.
Afterward, there were these bubbles floating around (someone was blowing bubbles, don't ask me why) and so everyone was fighting over popping the bubbles. XD

School's going okay. It's sort of like whatever. Blech.

HALLOWEEN PARADE TOMORROW!!! I'm so psyched! =D I'll bring a camera. It's going to be AWESOME! I "made" my costume (Harry Potter ftw!). Like, everything wasn't meant to be for Harry Potter, except the glasses I got for free at the midnight release of the fourth book, and the Time Turner my sister's ex bought for her way back when. =P I'm so excited!!! Yay! Plus we get to skip school, and that's always a plus. I'm still going back for like, an hour of French though, because I'm just such a god student like that. XP
Ross is going to be a hot dog! And he's going to Turbeville's class dressed like that. I really want to see her reaction, it's going to be HILARIOUS. XD Especially since they apparently have a math test too... =D

If you have a desktop, please don't break anything tilting your screen back. Just move your head down a few degrees, ;)


Kudos to Shannie 4 the picture!

I Go RAWR

Why, yes, I AM on Blogger during French. Again. XD I don't have any time to post anymore, so you know... =P Anyways, life's pretty chill right now. Competition Saturday! Yay! And homecoming was pretty damn awesome!

So before homecoming, Clarie and I just watched "Catch Me if You Can" at my house, ate food, and got ready. It was pretty fun; like I didn't go anywhere fancy or with a date or anything, like last year, but it was nice anyways. It took FOREVER to get into the dance (we literally waited for more than an hour); they were checking our bags and everything, plus we got wristbands, which was sort of like "Wtf?" The music was iffy though; there weren't many dancing songs. I was SO sad that they didn't put "Beat It" on! Like, "Thriller" came on and I was so excited, because I thought they'd put "Beat It" on too. The whole guard going to do our "Beat It" dance if it came on, but it never did... =( Oh well. So I danced like crazy for most of the time, then I talked to friends and went outside for some air and water. Met this senior by the water cooler thing, and it was sort of weird, but he's cool so whatever. =P Anyways, homecoming was really fun. Like, every year I think about not going, because I'm think, "It's all dancing and I sort of suck at dancing..." but then I end up going and having a blast anyways. XD

School's actually going pretty well. Sort of. Okay, not really. The sad thing is, I got a B on my witness quiz for Mock Trial. Seriously? It's supposed to be my easy class. Like, my "catch up on homework/sleep" class. Blech. And then I have an A- in like, all four of my AP/Honors classes. Maybe the fact that I'm on Blogger during French sort of contributes to that. XD But seriously? I don't really care about the Vichy government in France during WWII... Maybe I'll see if Ross knows anything about it; he likes WWII history. Speaking of Ross, he's so annoying sometimes. Like, every single time I ask him how his day was, he says, "Fine." Seriously? Do you have nothing to say about your day? Was it so boring that you can't describe it in more than one word? Okay yeah, I'm done. =P He elaborates sometimes though. Or if I pester him. It works. XP He's awesome, so I don't really care. But he doesn't talk that much, so half the time, I'm rambling to myself. And he doesn't even stop me from rambling. It's rather interesting. =P

Mrs. M got mad at me at Kumon though, since I skipped two shifts (I was amazingly sick Tuesday, and I had the guard thing Friday). I was like, seriously? I'm sorry if I got sick and have other obligations too... But whatever. I don't think she'll fire me... I hope. Oh well. I can always go work at Jamba Juice and get free smoothies. XP

I'm so excited for Saturday! So guard has these HUGE 10-foot flags (royal purple, Starburst pink, and pink-silver) for the very end of the show. They're hella awesome, but really heavy, and not exactly the thing you'd want to be picking up when your arms are already really sore. But anyways, they're hecka pretty; I have one of the purple ones. =D Runthrough went pretty well yesterday; I forgot a bit of the work, and was dragging behind for a little while, but otherwise, it was all good. We have a sectional today, but we're basically just ironing our flags. =P

Well, that's about it. There's not much else to say, plus we're leaving the lab in like, 5 minutes, so I need to actually do something. Maybe. Like go on MLIA. =P Jaykays. So yeah, I'm done. ;D

Recap on My Life

I haven't posted in FOREVER!!!

Anyways, just a recap of Cupertino: we got first for our division, first for percussion (amazingly, since they didn't get anything last year), and second for guard!
Kelly said we sucked though. Oh well. But Mr. Johnson thought we did really good. It was way better than last year's Cupertino competition at any rate.
It didn't feel like a competition though... I guess that's why we didn't do as well as we could have. Everyone was just sort of sluggish and dead, especially since pretty much all of us were sick from Wednesday. (Tank top uniforms in freezing weather do not mix well.) But whatever, we'll do better next time. Hopefully.

So yeah, I'm not going to type much since I'm in French right now, and I'm technically supposed to be researching/taking notes on the Vichy government. Plus, I'm sick and I really want to sleep. Ugh.
Anyways, after Saturday, I got hella sick and tired, and I had a fever pretty much all of Sunday. I'm still coughing my guts out, it's so bad. -.-
I skipped Monday practice and work yesterday too since I was so sick... =(

Got asked to homecoming, but it wasn't an actual asking thing. Well, more casual than formal I guess. But it was interesting. Lots of homecoming issues this year. Ross is going to homecoming! It's so cute! =P

The whole school got evacuated yesterday IN THE RAIN due to a faulty smoke detector. It sucked. Blech. Everyone got totally drenched. The wind blew my umbrella inside out too, it was actually sort of scary.

I love talking to Ross at midnight when we're both finishing homework. XD We have the weirdest conversations ever. And emoticon battles of epic proportions. Plus he always takes random quizzes when he's supposed to be doing homework. *cough* But it's awesome.

Anyways, I guess I should get back to researching these people who executed Jews and supported the Nazis. Yay... See you guys later!

Slightly Pissed Right Now. Just SLIGHTLY. -.-

So anyways, a bit of background info. Chinese school is pretty much a joke. Meaning, we have really loose rules for test-taking: you can't have your book out, you can't be discussing things loudly, and you can't communicate with people at different "table groups" at all. But among your own table people, it's fair game. Sure, the teacher says not to do it, but she really doesn't care. (And yes, some of you are probably thinking, 'OMG, Erica is cheating!' I guess if you put it in a technical sense, then yeah. Yeah, I'm cheating.)

So last week, we had a quiz on vocab and stuff, and this one girl at my table didn't know most of the crap. Heck, she only got like, 3 problems out of two whole pages. So Josephine (one of my besties! =D) and I decided to be nice and let her pretty much copy our whole test. She got an A, maybe even a 100%.

Now today, we had another quiz. Josephine and I were way too busy with crap at regular school to study, but the girl we helped last week studied. We asked her for help before this quiz, she said okay. On like, the fourth problem, Josephine and I ask her for help. What does she do? She glares at us, and COVERS HER PAPER. It wasn't even subtle. She moves her arm until it's right along the edge of her paper, and slams her hand on the answers. I mean, seriously? It's not like we can see the paper from here anyways, we were just asking. We f*cking gave you all the answers to last week's test too, and you won't help us this week???

And even better? Right before we turn in the quiz/test, she OPENS HER BOOK and copies a phrase that she didn't get. No one, and I mean NO ONE, not even if we're desperate and totally going to fail (like Josephine and me today) has ever done that before. None of us hav ever stooped that low. And come on, she was only missing one stupid phrase. Our hypothesis? She's sick of always having us get better grades than her. Because, seriously, we DO get better grades; I'm not bragging or anything, it's a fact. Plus, if she's the type of person to do this, we're thinking she really would mind bringing us down a notch.

And more unbelievable-ness? What does she do after the test? She says, "Guys, cheating is bad." Uhm. Yeah. Sure, Ms. I-Copied-All-Your-Answers-Last-Week-And-Opened-The-Book-During-The-Test-Today. Whatever you say. And then she acts all innocent and like she hasn't done anything wrong or retarded at all. AND she makes fun of us for not studying. Like, what the hell?

So I'm totally pissed right now. We helped you fill in the whole test last week, when we were sitting across the freaking table from you, and you won't help us with ANYTHING this week, when we're pretty much right next to you. It's so retarded. I mean, if you didn't need our help, then sure, whatever, we don't expect you to help us if you didn't need our help. Even if you said you didn't want to help us before the test, then fine. But no, you tell us that you'll help, then you cover your answers when we ask for it. -.-

Josephine and I have decided to try and study like hell for the next quiz (half-and-half, so we can help each other), so if the girl asks us for help, we can oh-so-subtly glare at her, cover our papers, and slam our hands over our answers.

Wayne's Leaving!!! =(

He's actually leaving. Like, for real. Permanently. And it's not like he's just moving to a different city or anything; he's moving to TAIWAN. As in, that island off the coast of China which is about 13 hours away from here BY PLANE. And sure, I've only known him for less than a year, but he's already one of my best friends, and I'm going to miss him sooooo much!

I won't see him again for at least a year, and even then, it might not happen. The closest time that I'm almost positive I'll see him again is in three years, when I go back before college. But that's in three whole years...

I'm going to go to Chinese school this Friday, all happy, then I'll expect Wayne to come in during brunch to push me around in a rolling chair into the 12th grade classroom (=P) but then I'll remember. He's gone. And he's not coming back. Not for a while, at least.

He's not gone yet, but last night was the last time I'll see him for a while. We went to Hacienda, not for a movie or anything (nothing good was playing), so we just wandered around and talked. He stole my ice cream (-.-) and I punched him because he wouldn't let me sit down. =P Yeah, same old, same old. Not much was different; we just talked about him moving and about the "good old times" (*cough**cough*) when he liked me. But it wasn't like, "OMG, you're leaving!!! *hugs* *sob*"

I guess the truth hasn't totally sunk in yet. I still can't believe he's moving... I guess it won't sink in until he's actually... gone.

But that was the last time I'd actually talk to him in person, and punch him for putting his arm around me... I guess a goodbye hug wasn't bad. But I'll miss him so freaking much...

Wayne, come back and visit! Don't forget me! If you do, I'll kill you in three years!
You're cute in a stupid kind of way. ;)

Random Stuff From the Last Few Weeks...

So yeah, I had lots of problems last week, most of which I will explain in great detail. =P Family problems, school problems, friend problems. Yeah, I'm just messed up in general.

Well, non-depressing things first, at one of the Saturday practices (I forget which), there was this guys who had a motorized... BICYCLE. I was like, whoaaaa. XD it was pretty awesome, but really stupid at the same time. I mean, seriously? Who takes the time to attach a motor to a bike???

The pancake breakfast/car wash was pretty damn fun today. =P I wanted to cook!!! =( I got to wash cars instead, which wasn't bad. But still! I wanted to cook pancakes and be like, *flip flip* Here! But I'd probably poison the people, so I guess it's a good thing that I didn't cook them.

Practice today wasn't that bad. We learned pretty much all of the closer and reviewed work (which was REALLY bad on Wednesday) and did visual basics, which were torture after not having done them since band camp... We did dropspins continuously for like 100 counts, and my flag kept getting tangled up. Thank God Ashlee told us to stop after the first (disastrous) rep... It was pretty fun today though. Not a bad rehearsal at all.

*****

Back to my problems...

So my parents are sort of arguing right now. I'm not going into detail, but I'll just say that it's making life miserable.

*****

I am so screwed for school this year... My schedule is slowly murdering me... Freaking 4 weighted classes (technically 5, since Breton uses a weighted scale for chemistry, but that's a hella easy class and it's not a 5 point one), and my totally jam-packed after-school crap right now... I already have 2 B's, and I'm positive I'd have more if all my teachers updated the grades. -.-
I'm don't know what I'm going to do next year... I really think I'm killing myself like this...

*****

Friend problems? I'll get to that... eventually.