In the End

I really respect people who can keep such a... not exactly carefree, but just a sense of knowing that everything will be okay in life. And they all do well too. I mean, I believe in the same idea, but I definitely find myself stressing and worrying over a lot of things, and being disappointed in the steps. I feel like in a sense, I'm just setting myself up for failure. Every time I misjudged something or made a mistake in high school, I would tell myself that it's okay, and that everything would be okay later on. And it was - I mean, look at where I am. But at the same time, it's hard. It's just so hard for me to accept mistakes, to forgive myself for making them. And most of the time, I don't. I'll think I've moved on, but then they crop up again and again every time I disappoint myself. Even seemingly small things, like an insensitive comment, or having to rush to finish something because I didn't realize the deadline in time. They stay with me and they drag me down. And despite my telling myself everything will be okay in the end, it's hard for me to stop thinking that it could be okay now if I were smarter and made better decisions.

Honestly, I'm rather stressed right now and just want a hug.