Monday, April 30, 2012
As Horrible as it Sounds...
I'm sort of sick of helping people. I mean, not my friends, and not when I want to help others, but people who only talk to you when they need help, and who expect to be helped. I have my own things to do, and sorry if I don't make time for you when I barely know you... I know AP tests are coming up - I'm taking 8 of them - but that doesn't mean I should take time to help you prepare. I probably wouldn't be helping you if I needed to study. I like helping people, but please don't try to take advantage of it... It gets tiring after a while. I also really need to learn how to say no.
Back to Life
No more of the awesome-ness at Princeton... Ah well. Got up, ate food, took a shower. Got froyo with Clarie then went over to her house and made some mac 'n cheese. xD Procrastinated a TON with Youtube vids and talking to Shu, then finally got around to doing econ... I should prob reread Copperfield too.
AP tests are coming up. I could possibly get credit for BC and econ, so maybe I should study for those... Meh... xD
Got my ball ticket! I was looking at prom pics - everyone is gorgeous! And they all have long dresses... I'm thinking about wearing a mid-length one for ball, but now I don't know...
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Go Tigers!
I am completely in love with Princeton. No joke. It's amazing, the people are super nice, I love the feeling of walking down Nassau Street... I might also already be obsessed with Bent Spoon, which is a relatively expensive ice cream shop, but has flavors like Sicilian Blood Orange. Like seriously?! I'm super happy here. =] I'm sure it'll be different once I have to study like hell, and don't get to go to acapella performances and musicals and dance shows all the time, but still... Absolutely in love with this place - I don't want to leave tomorrow!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Roses
I actually really like roses. Yeah, sort of stereotypical girl, but whatever. They're just so classic. I think I used to take them for granted, since they always used to be around the house (my sister had lots of admirers =P), but I rarely ever see roses nowadays. Not in bouquets at least; there are always a few single stem roses being sent out on Valentine's. Not sure why, but I sort of miss seeing them...
We went to Costco for food and thank you presents, and we found dress shoes. So while my mom and sister were looking at those, I wandered around and ended up by the flower display. Bright happy daisies, orchids, baby's breath, and deep red roses. It was just sort of nice looking at them - I'd forgotten how pretty they were. They had the pretty peach and pink-tipped roses too, which I had always liked too. But there's something so elegant about red roses. Other colors almost seem unnatural in a sense. Mixed bouquets are pretty nevertheless, but in a different way.
In any case, I need to get a boutonniere. Not sure what color it's going to be - depends on my dress I suppose. Red if my dress is, probably white with a ribbon in a matching color if I end up picking the gold/purple/teal dress. Yeah, I really have no idea which I'm wearing right now. xD Clarie's coming over tomorrow to help me decide! =]
Biggest Workaholic
I was doing my AP Calc BC packet questions (Since I'll be gone Thursday), and I was just thinking that since I totally have the entire weekend to do these, why am I doing them now? Which sort of brings me to the whole senioritis + work ethic issue. My friends totally voted me Biggest Workaholic for senior superlatives, and I guess I sort of understand. Even though I say I have senioritis, I still haven't missed a single homework assignment. I haven't studied for tests (econ test and psych final tomorrow, hah), and I procrastinate and get distracted a lot more, but I still turn in all my work and I do all of it relatively well. I even go crazy and do assignments ahead of time sometimes. It sort of got me wondering why I do this...
When I was little, it was all about pleasing my parents, and getting good grades made them happy. At least, it didn't make them disappointed, as they would have been if I ever got anything under a 4 (back when we were graded 1-4 and not with letter grades). So doing my homework seemed like a good thing, since it made me feel proud to have my parents be happy (I could totally bring in psych, but I won't).
I'm not sure if it's just so ingrained in me that I keep doing it now. I know it's definitely not out of a desire to please my parents anymore - I gave up after they got upset with my first B on any assignment in 6th grade (yay Beggs's tests). I've even relaxed myself - I mean, I CRIED when I got that B on that test. I don't cry if I fail a test now (okay, slight lie, I tear up and feel horrible, but still). I think the only time I've cried as hard as that B on Beggs's test is when I got a B in second semester Euro...
If not for my parents then, why? I feel good myself when I finish assignments, and when I get good grades, but I could easily finish and get a good grade without spending as much time as I do on some things. All of those projects in Foss? Not to mention the Civil War project in Goodhue... Animating PPTs instead of just leaving them plain, decorating posters to the extent that I do... Little things, but they make no different in the grade I would get.
I think it's more of a sense of personal satisfaction. Not just getting the job done, and not just getting a good evaluation, but actually doing a good job in my own eyes. Creating something of which I can be proud. I think the way I was brought up just made me carry that to a level others don't understand. For others, it might be a major project or essay that they want to be able to show off - for me, it's pretty much every assignment. Which, of course, leads to a bit of perfectionism, but I'll talk about that later. I can't tell if it's been a good or a bad thing - it gets on my own nerves sometimes - but for the most part, I guess it's just who I am.
How Ironic
I'm the girl who wrote a damn 2500 character college essay on optimism. So why is it that I can't really even feel optimistic lately? Little things just throw me off so much. Maybe I just notice things more now, or maybe they affect me more. Just little things that tell about human nature. About people I thought I knew. It's just throwing me off so much - I want to believe that people are better than this, but when those so close to me - the ones I trust and think are among the best in the world - aren't, how is the rest of mankind supposed to match up? Why am I so disappointed?
This is Ridiculous
Yeah, I shouldn't really care, and I don't that much. But at the same time, I can't help but just be sort of disappointed at how quickly your feelings towards people change, and how strongly. It makes me almost cynical of human feelings. Are they really that superficial and easily turned away? Is it just you?
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Must Reevaluate BS Skills
I could very possibly make a living off of this if things got dire... I'm impressed with myself. Just wrote about 560 words on a topic I know nothing about, and it sounded pretty decent...
Yay for Copperfield? Blah.
Princeton Insider's Guide!!! =D
Monday, April 23, 2012
Back to "Normal"
My grades are alternating As and A+s again! But only because Hight resets grades every quarter... xD But yay for making up my tests. Just in time to miss more school for Princeton!
On another note, I need a 9.09% on my psych final for an A-, and a 39.09% for an A. Yay?
I saw Mr. Sloan today! He always has a ton of fun stories to tell... I miss him and Ms. Foss! =\
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Am I the only one...
Who isn't super excited for college? I mean sure, it'll be interesting, and probably one of the best times of my life, but I have no overpowering desire to go... To be honest, I'm really perfectly happy where I am right now... It'll probably change as graduation draws near, but for now...
Got an ATM card!
So many cards! Credit, ATM, and prepaid... Getting ready to be on my own at Princeton I suppose; I'll need access to money so I don't starve or whatever. So much responsibility though! And it makes me feel old... Where have the past 16 years gone?!
Why does my timing suck?!
I'm gone for Princeton Preview on April 26-28. During this time, I'll be missing the ceremony for Bio-Rad scholarship recipients (currently trying to figure out what to do about getting the scholarship), and the secondary interview for the ValleyCare Auxiliary (they might see if they can conduct it by phone). I would have missed the Mock Trial celebration too, but they're rescheduling it. =] But ahhh! I would have said it would be better for me to have gone to Preview this Thursday/Friday/Saturday, but then I wouldn't have been able to make up my lit test, and I would have missed another tesr (gov). At least I don't think I'm missing any tests if I go next week... But blah. =[
Friday, April 20, 2012
-yawns-
So so so unmotivated to study for lit. Which, you know, I really should be motivated to do, given my flat 0% in the class right now... I forgot what we were even learning before break... Swift, Pepys... Neoclassicism. Novels. Bleurgh.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Whoa, What?
Apparently we only got an 80% on the calc MC... What? I have no idea what happened - I thought we only missed a few at the most... Wow.
At least I still have a 94... Pretty decent, though I need to make sure it doesn't go down in case I bomb the final...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I probably really shouldn't even be feeling bad for this. But still...
Yeah, I think I'm having a feel-bad night. I'm not really even sure why. I just sort of feel horrible, and now I'm thinking about how horrible of a person I am sometimes... You know, I'm really too judgmental sometimes... And pretty impulsive and stubborn. And mean. And I have a short temper. And a little narrow-minded at times too. I'm lazy and don't work nearly as hard as I should... Do I even really deserve all of the schools I got into? I've done some pretty terrible things in my life... I don't even want to think about them really. Sometimes I'm surprised I have friends. And I worry about when I go to Princeton - will I end up being one of those arrogant, snobbish people that prospective students worry about? I don't know sometimes...
Monday, April 16, 2012
I bet Princeton likes my 0% in lit. =P
Yeah, I need to make up that test. And the calc one. Both of which Courtney got a 100% on!!! Super proud of her! =]
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Senior Essays
My first critical essay took about 3 hours total. I've spent about 3 hours on this one, have 2 full paragraphs and 2 halves of others paragraphs done. This is also possibly the worst essay I have ever written. The catch? I don't really care... I just want to finish. xD
Friday, April 13, 2012
Yay for Productive Procrastination
Well I've been productive. Sort of. Finished gov/psych notes, econ homework... Still have the lit essay and all my studying to go though. But I did all my scholarships while ignoring my essay! Except that one that requires me to write an essay on the Occupy movement... I might just skip it. Too much work...
I sort of hope I get these scholarships, but Princeton's taking them all out of my aid, so... I guess it doesn't really matter if I get them...
I'm so screwed for lit. And my tests. D= Someone save me!
On a happy note, I got Chipotle today! =]
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Little Notes
~ Every time I see your name on my phone, my day brightens up a little
~ Not talking to you for a prolonged period must be one of the hardest things for me to do
~ One reason why I love that stuffed dog so much (other than the fact that it's so cuddly!) is that it's from you
~ TA-ing sophomore year? I couldn't give up those car rides =P
~ Wanting to watch scary movies might have been partly fueled by the fact that I could use them as an excuse to cuddle up to you
~ Even though it was ridiculous, when you asked me in Truth/Dare, I might have spazzed a little... And flipped out, and had a huge smile, then realized you might have been joking
~ Some of those random blog posts from forever ago were probably about you... They couldn't have been about anyone else
~ I could spend an entire day just sitting next to you, doing absolutely nothing, and be completely happy
Well, I'm Screwed
Lit essay, TONS of scholarships, and four tests to study for... And this gov vocab list is a killer. Plus Ross and I are sort of screwed for the psych project... xD At least he's having a good time at Carleton! =]
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Yay Money!
$1000 from Bio-Rad! It's not a ton, and Princeton will probably take it out of my aid, but... I guess there's a little plus to knowing you're paying for your education due to merit, and not because you don't make enough money... Though, of course, I wouldn't turn down the latter either. xD
Happy =]
I think these past few days were possibly some of the best in my life. I'm sort of ridiculously happy. =] So much homework to do for the rest of break though! x.x Lit essay, gov/psych notes, econ homework, lit/calc/psych/econ tests... Blah.
I also have a ton of random college stuff now, that I probably won't wear... Berkeley sweatshirt, USC + Duke shirts (the Duke is an XL btw, because apparently people can't sort shirts), and a Chicago scarf. The scarf is super tempting though... I might wear it and just hide the embroidered part. xD
So much mail from Princeton!!!
On another note, you know that insane nationwide Presidential Scholars thing for which I applied? The one I just filled out and BS-ed because I knew I wasn't going to get it? Well, I still doubt I'll get it, but I'm a semifinalist! One of 550 in the country, which is pretty good if you ask me. Apparently it's something worth noting for local news stations and schools, so I guess I'll send them the page the Department of Education gave me... San Ramon can be proud. xD I'm special. =P
Monday, April 9, 2012
DUKEDUKEDUKE
Had a nice tour courtesy of David and Wayne today! Plus some really yummy food! =P Sarah's hosting me, and it's pretty awesome, since she has a single and so there's a ton of space.
Duke's super pretty - lots of trees and everything is so open and all. And everyone is super nice, even more so than the people at USC! People say thanks to the shuttle bus drivers, and this girl ran up to the bus to give me my phone, which I had dropped while running to catch the bus. They're all insanely nice...
David's frat bros are pretty awesome and funny; I'm having a super fun time talking to people or just listening to people talk. Played Publish or Perish today, it was pretty epic. xD
The actual program starts tomorrow, and though it'll be interesting, I doubt it would be more fun than today. Ross and I are probably going to sit in on a few classes, take a few tours, etc. Might as well make use of the time here!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Yay Sitting!
Watched the rest of the qualifying rounds, semi/quarter/finals... We semi-failed, but whatever! Some of the rounds were insanely intense, I felt like a robot was going to die or something.
Then the two-hour ride back to San Ramon. Now a plane ride to Durham, NC! Awesome! I'll be doing a ton of sitting... At least visiting Duke will probably be a lot of walking. Totally ready to eat yummy food and visit David! =]
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Excited!
Now that college decisions are over with, and I've more or less made my decision (Princeton?! =P), I feel rather excited for the rest of senior year. xD It's sort of being able to FINALLY relax and chill. Plus Robotics in two days, Duke, and spring break! AP tests and finals are still going to suck though... But we also have STAR testing that seniors don't have to take (and can sleep in)! But life just seems sort of awesome. =]
I think I'm really going to enjoy the rest of the year up til September, when I need to crack down at college. Maybe excepting those two weeks in May. But everything just seems so... unreal in a sense? I can't believe I'm going to college already - and at one of the #1 schools in the entire nation, at that? Who would have ever thought?
Berkeley Packet!
I distinctly recall applying for LNS at Berkeley... But according to my admissions packet, I was accepted into CoC. Good thing, since I was regretting not doing so... I probably changed it afterward. xD Anyways, I found that sort of amusing. But hey, that means I've officially gotten in with a major of chemistry at two of the three tied #1 schools for chemistry (Caltech + Cal)! Psh MIT, waitlisting. =P
Sunday, April 1, 2012
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