Day 3 - Your Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

So... Bad things first? You always point out my faults, and I have to say, that's not exactly the best type of encouragement one could receive. I can say truthfully that I cried for a full day after I found out I had a B in Euro. The grade, part-wise, and also because that day was just me being stupid. Your criticisms have really lowered my self-esteem; I can't tell you by how much, but I would be lying if I said I can accept compliments from friends/teachers readily. Every time I hear one of those praises, I think about the negative things you guys have said. I feel like your expectations of me have totally shaped my own goals in life. I want to make you guys happy, but it seems to me like no matter what I do, it's never enough. There's always someone else out there who will be better than me, and amazingly, you always happen to find one of those people, and compare me to them. I'm sorry if Jess is better at piano, if she's more determined and motivated. I'm sorry if some whiz neighbor of one of my friends got into UPenn or Yale. I'm sorry if someone has a 5.0 right now, whereas I'm stuck with my lame 4.5 when I should have a 4.67, just because of that one B. I'm sorry I'm not good enough, okay? You guys always seem to bring up things I'd rather forget about. Things I've done that I hate myself for. You'll bring it up in passing, and then what? I feel bad for the rest of the day, and go cry in my room for it. You guys don't notice the scabs I have on my hands from punching walls because I get pissed at myself for how stupid I can be. You don't notice the nights when I just lay in bed, crying, until I pass out. You don't notice these things. I feel like I'm just not good enough for you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm me.

But even with all this crap, I still love you guys. I love you for making me who I am today, for having expectations of me. I love you for raising me well, even though I make amazingly retarded decisions sometime. I love you, because I know that you'll still support me in life, whatever course I decide to take. I love you for wanting me to do well. I love you for the care you've given me throughout my life. And I love you because I know, that no matter what you guys may say, even when you call me a failure, you love me.