I love them. Why wouldn't I? Everything's so perfect, and there's always that wonderful couple that prevails over anything that happens. Their best friend dies? They cry and become closer because of it. They're separated by a cruel twist of fate? No worries, they'll find each other again. Sometimes I wish I was in a drama... Even though there might be problems way bigger than what I experience now, I could be fine with it and move on, because I know that at the end, there's a happily-ever-after waiting for me... But maybe I watch too many. Maybe these dramas have twisted my perception of guys. Because, at the end of it al, these dramas aren't real...
Sometimes it seems like I'll never find my "Prince Charming." All the guys around me are just people that I couldn't imagine dating... Close friends, total idiots, and such. Friends around me all have their little crushes, and that one guy that they're just so smitten with, but what about me? Am I just too afraid to like someone again, after the last person broke my heart and stamped it into the ground? Or is it just that right now isn't the right time? Will my "Prince Charming" never come?
I just wish that I had that one guy to hold me in his arms, to whisper in my ear, to ask me if I'm okay. I just want one guy to to care care of me, protect me, love me. One guy who I can lean on, confide in, love back. Is that too much to ask?
I guess that I have high expectations of guys, given that the boyfriends (my sister's) I've grown up with have all been completely loving, coming to visit us. I have one in mind, but I won't name him (people can probably guess though). He's come by with Jamba Juices and small presents just because. He'd come surprise her with a gift, sneaking into the house when she was gone (with my help), and hiding someplace. He'd have creative little ideas of asking her to dances, and would write little notes to her, slipping them through the cracks of her locker. He wrote a note for every day he was away from her (China) in the summer, and fold them into origami. I loved the effort he put into their relationship, and I thought, "My future boyfriend is going to be like that..." I naively thought that all guys were like that, loving, caring, doing everything they could. I didn't expect them to constantly present me with gifts, but I expected them to take care of me, hold my hand, be happy to see me. I thought that all guys would be perfect. But after my first "relationship" failed miserably, I realized I can't just randomly give my heart to any guy. Am I guarding it too closely now? Is my definition of the perfect guy too harsh? Is there even a guy in the world who would be perfect for me?
I watch my dramas and hug my knees and wish for my own little fairy tale. But will it ever really come? I see the girls in the dramas all find their one true love, the guy who'd take care of them, fight for them, be there for them, that one guy who is just meant for them. But will there be a guy who'd love me? Or will I just grow old alone, that crazy aunt with 14 cats? (Not that I have anything against cats.) I fall asleep every night thinking of the sweet guy in the dramas, who holds onto his love tight. I fall asleep every night hugging a pillow or a stuffed animal, hoping for my "Prince Charming" and crying because of the idea that he might never come. I fall asleep and dream of a faceless man who would take care of me and be my perfect guy. I fall asleep wishing for my own love drama. But I have to ask...
Is my "Prince Charming"' even out there?
7 comments:
Love Dramas give u a completely wrong idea of the perfect person. To tell the truth, i've watched a couple. Yes really i have. I wished over and over again my life wasnt as is and was better. I wished i would find the perfect girl in high school. I wished i could be the perfect guy, i've tried so hard to be, and failed.
However, the beauty of life is that we try and fail over again and end up thinking we reached that level of perfection. He/she may not be everything described in those love dramas, but he/she will be the one u fin u love unconditionallly. That's what i learned. I've been through 2 girls, plus 3-4 in between i've "liked" for a week or 2. One was in 7th-9th grade, and the other beginning of this yr till yeah. Trying to get over it but whatever. The first one wouldn't even talk to me unless she absolutely had to when she found out. And she is the nicest person u would ever know, really. Imagine walking around the school always wishing, but at the end of the day finding urself disappointed.
I've been thru this, trying to have a perfect love life. But we are who we are. Cherish ur friends, and while guys, including myself, are total idiots as u say, we secretly go thru the same thing u wrote, altho we don't admit it. We always say we hate those love stories, or love songs, etc but we like them as much as u do ^.^
hehe so i knw ur prolly not gonna read all of it so i typed some kind of personal things :P
And u have no idea how much true friends love u. People u hang out with may not be true friends. Im not saying i am either, altho ill try my best. But ive found 2, and they would always do what ppl in dramas do. (both girls btw) comfort u, not the kissy romance part, but they give u a stronger feeling of attachment
And im not saying i stopped looking either, nor am i accusing u or anything like that. Or trying to "teach" u smth. I wanted to share what ive been thru/going thru cuz they're somewhat similar
no that's not what i mean.
i know love dramas totally obscure the idea of a perfect guy/girl, but that wasn't what i was referring to...
im going to ruin the mood by posting random stuff!!
and don't worry "kittens" im sure u'll find someone! and hope the same for me!!
flying monkeys
AND u fall asleep crying thinking of a faceless man... O.o
im not sure ure the Erica(which basically seems nice) i know...
O.o
lol noo worries. im still here. XD hm i should prob post something else. blech. ill do it tmrw. XD
yeah i was just sorta annoyed/sad at the time, so this is what happens when my emotions get out of hand. =P
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