The Life of Homework... With a Special Appearance by... The Spelling Bee!!!

Haha, today in science was fun. We watched a video, so Pink Bunny, Taehyun, and I were passing notes on index cards, then Taehyun and I kept fighting over the index card. So while Pink Bunny was writing on the index card, Taehyun's and my eyes would be like... Mrs. Allison, overhead movie thing, Pink Bunny + index card, Mrs. Allison, overhead movie thing, Pink Bunny + index card, Mrs. Allison, etc. And then in band, Ross and I were playing slap roshambo, and he totally missed slapping my hand and got my wrist instead, which made me crack up. Then I got bored so I started like, not slapping/slapping really softly. xD But anyways, onto the topic of the day...
I have so much homework... It's not even funny... So, thank goodness I finished math, because sine, cosine, and tangent suck no matter what people say. xD Then, I have a page of French homework, but that's not hard, so whatever. At least I don't have science homework. I have a TON of Core though: there's post-its, of which I've barely started, a history quiz on stuff I barely know, and the HNBs are due tomorrow too, of which I just got mine back today because Goodhue wanted to copy it, and keep it to show her classes. >.< Anyways, it's now time for...

GUEST APPEARANCE!!!

Spelling Bee!!! Yay!!! Not really. I suck at verbal spelling, and I'm ok at written, but I'm like almost certain I won't win for the grade level this year. Hopefully I'll at least get into the finals though, like top 6, because then I get to ditch class for a day! Oh well. At least I can spell pfeffernuss. xD Lol. It's like...

pfeffernuss

P-F-E-F-F-E-R-N-U-S-S

pfeffernuss

Language of Origin: German

Word type: Noun

Definition: A small, crunchy, spicy Christmas cookie

Blech. Anyways, if you're there, wish me luck, and if you go to Iron Horse, watch me spell "chagrin" wrong on TV! Woot!

P.S. OMFG I just realized I'm probably gonna miss PE (2nd period) because of the spelling bee, and since I have Matek, that means I have to make up a mile... >.<

Death by History Notebook

Title says all... It's due Friday and I'm hella confused. Are we supposed to have a separate title page/section for the War of 1812? o.o *scratches head* Oh well, I'll convince Mrs. Goodhue to let me have the weekend to work on it. Besides, it's not my fault she wanted my HNB to go Kinko it for like a dollar a page. Anyways, I feel kind of sorry for Kevin. I doubt that he had toturous history notebooks in China... Sigh... Oh well, I have stupid Math Olympiad tomorrow, where we pay $80 to get extra homework, tests, and learn absolutely nothing! Joy! Plus I have post-its and HNB. My HNB is so fudging FAT. It's like... the obesity population of history notebooks. xD Anyways, my point is, I HATE HISTORY NOTEBOOKS!!! (Mrs. Goodhue didn't hear anything of the sort =D) They're kind of pointless though... Apparently, if you do them well, you don't have to study for tests, but I never study unless it's like a final anyways, plus I don't remember 99.9% of the stuff I put in my HNB. What I DO remember is that 1) it's fat, 2) it says HNB #1/ Core 7/8/Erica Tsai on the cover, and 3) I hate it. Blech. But anyways, they're not so bad if you get right down to it. I'm slacking off on history notebooks. I'm just gonna put a background and widely space out pictures and writing to make it seem full. xD I'm going to go sleep now.

Laugh!

Today was fun for once. I really needed today after yesterday's post about depression and mistrust. Anyways, during Shack, we didn't do much, but it was hilarious because of the "guy wires." *wink* *wink* So basically, Mr. Shack was talking about support wires, and he was like, "What's another name for support wires?" And Tommy said, "Hypotenuse!" Then Mr. Shack was like, "Yeah, because the P, G, and E guys ALWAYS talk about hypotenuse wires!" Roflmao. So anyways, he said they were called guy wires because the girl wires weren't strong enough, so I was like, "But what if the guy wires aren't strong enough either? They break all the time, don't they?" And then Pink Bunny showed me what she came up with, and it was like, the guy wires are the support system, and the girl wires are busy managing and bossing them around. xD
Then in PE, we played smash ball (like baseball) and that was fun, even though I couldn't hit the ball, and when I finally did, some guy caught it. xD Then we took a French test, which wasn't that fun, but it wasn't excessively hard or anything. In science, we changed seats, and basically it was boring, like it always is, but at least we got to talk! Peter quizzed Ross and me on spelling during Band, since we're both in the spelling bee, and I suck, lol. For the CJSF meeting, I totally forgot about the volunteer sheet, so I grabbed a spare one, then ran to the IMR and Mrs. Goodhue's room to get them to sign the sheet for me. Thank goodness I'm a TA. xD Then after the meeting, we went to Goodhue's and had fun teasing each other and everything, and I helped Kevin (new one) read Goodhue's writing because he had to copy some worksheets. Goodhue's writing is really messy. Like seriously messy. No offense, Mrs. Goodhue. =D Then we watched a video in Core, and that's about it. So all in all, it was a pretty good day, not exceptional or anything, but fun nevertheless.

P.S. From now on, the new Kevin is going to be Kevin, and Kevin K. is going to be "Wooky" until further notice. Yes, I'm adopting Pink Bunny's nickname for him. xD

The Sad Truth of Life

I have friends with troubles, and it's so depressing and all. I have this friend whose depressed and has been for the last 2 years, but I never noticed, then I have this friend who is starting to hate the world and cut herself, and the hyper little Pink Bunny whom I've come to love because of her carefree attitude doesn't know who to trust anymore. I feel so useless in situations like these. I mean, I've been depressed but I still have no idea what to say to people who are currently depressed. I've lost trust in the world, but I don't know what to say to help others regain their trust.
All I know is that depression is like a void, everything gets sucked in and rarely anything comes out. Until the borders of that tunnel are shattered, it's like you're forever wandering in a pitch black tunnel, not knowing where you're going, and what you'll see. It's like stumbling through life with your eyes closed, and you always expect some miracle or happy moment when you finally open them, but when you do, all you see is a barren landscapes riddled with ash, and shadowed by looming gray clouds of misery and hopelessness. I know all of this because I've been through it, and I've emerged from the end of that tunnel, finally greeting the bright sunshine and grassy meadows, but only after months of struggling as though you're walking through sludge. But, even though I can stand at the edge of this burrow, look back at the black hole from whence I came, it's as if there's an invisible barrier preventing me from rushing back into that tunnel to save my companions. Right now, all I can think of is, I had companions in that void, but I never knew because of the stifling atmosphere and midnight darkness that separated us. I don't know how to penetrate the shield which protects me from falling once again into the void, but also keeps me away from my friends. I feel like a fifth tire, useless and even hindering progress. It's as if my friends can't count on me to help them. They know I'm there, they know that I know of their troubles, but all they can see me doing is lagging behind them, weakly trying to contribute, but really just holding everyone back. It's as if there's no point in my existence in the world, because what's the use of a friend that doesn't help, but rather hinders?
They've trusted me with their secrets, but I don't know what to do with them. I know enough to try to help, but it never works out the way I want to. It's a fragile thing, the glass-spun thread of trust. Just one breath and it will shatter, the pieces lost forever, the strand left with jagged edges symbolizing nothing but hurt. Even if the pieces are found and the thread molded or glued back together, it will never be the same as before. There will always be those marks and grooves that remind all of the hardships and misery that it's endured. I've been the friend that struggles hard to keep secrets, I've been the friend that's been betrayed... Hell, I've once been the betrayer even. The knowledge that someone you trusted, someone you thought was your friend, someone that you confided the world's secrets to, doesn't give a damn about you... It's as if the fabric of life has been ripped apart, shredded to tiny, meaningless strands of yarn. What's the point of trusting if trust is meant to be destroyed? What's the point of secrets if you know they'll be uncovered? What's the point of promises if they're meant to be broken? What's the point of confiding if all it does is deceive? What's the point of FRIENDS, if they really aren't your companions? What's the point of life, if you have to live by yourself, never trusting, never knowing if that friend is real or fake?
"Trust is a lie in itself."
I tell myself, it couldn't be... But I've been hurt too many times to believe the lie I tell myself. If trust is a lie, what's the thin fabric of real, open-hearted connection to do? Once the massive burden of lies and deceit piles higher and higher, a rip forms in the fabric. I sew up this rip, like patchwork from long ago. The thread makes that part stronger, but in doing so, it weakens the rest. As the pile increases, more rips form, and form, until the rips accumulate in such a number that there's no possible way to patch them all up. Trust isn't like a piece of paper, it can't be replaced if there's a mistake. I've forgiven, but I haven't forgotten. Those small rips in the fabric were easy enough to ignore, but as they all pile up, they become one big, huge tear right down the middle of the fabric. What's the point of forgiving if you know you'll be hurt again? When you're a little kid, it seems that the world is a perfect place, you whisper secrets in your friends' ears, play Truth with all that care to hear. As we grow up, however, we find out that the secrets we whispered so long ago come back to haunt us. The truths we so happily confided are somehow trailing on our heels. We wonder, how can this be? Then we discover, the friends we believed to be honest, to be our FRIENDS, actually weren't. Could it be that we, as human beings, are made to live a solitary life, keeping all of our secrets inside, trusting no one but ourselves? I can't believe that to be true; there must be one person on this world that we can trust. But from my perspective, it seems that betrayals always come from those you trust the most. Parent-child, friend-friend, sibling-sibling, boyfriend-girlfriend. When we were little, we believed the world to be perfect, like crystal clear lakes shimmering under a setting sun. Soon, our perfect, clear-as-glass lakes were disturbed by pebbles and rocks, tossed in and causing ripples throughout our lives. But these ripples eventually calmed and left us with our picture-perfect scene. Nowadays, it's as if our immaculate lake has become a garbage dump, a landfill full of rubbish and pollutants, stifling our once clear world and turning it into a murky sludge of uncertainty and suspicion. Why have any connections at all if the one you're connecting to doesn't care at all about the bond you cherish? Have all of the friendships we so carefully nourished... not been friendships at all? It comes to the day where we cautiously ask, "Can I trust you?" or when we warn, "Don't tell anyone, ok?" without being able to believe the answer we are provided with. For, if your friend has really never been your friend, then he/she would obviously respond, "Yes." without meaning it at all. What's the point of being born blameless, and without laying blame, if the things that come to pass force us to do so? What's the meaning in being born innocent and pure, if that sincerity will be fogged up by doubt and mistrust? What's the meaning of the word "trust" to everyone? Is it something that's temporary, that you gather secrets for blackmailing? Is it an empty word that you throw around? Or does it mean something more like it does to me? Does it mean the crystalline thread that you have to preserve carefully, tending to it until it shines and glows with the strength of a true relationship? Or have we been so ignorant and foolish as to place our hearts and soul into this tiny strand which would be willingly shattered by people we thought were companions?

New Semester, New Guy

Haha. Anyways, it's the start of 2nd semester!!! Woot!!! My binder is actually small now, since I took out all the semester one papers. xD It won't be in like a week, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Not much happened at school today, Mr. Shack got this awesome pen/notebook thing that you write in, and it shows up on the overhead thing. Um... My schedule's the exact same, except I TA for Brown now, not Olds, so I can sleep if I feel particularly dead that day. I have a whole PE cubicle to myself too, since Nava and Shelby had schedule changes. We had the equivalent of a free day in band today, so a ton of people started spinning around and being dizzy and stuff. It was fun. We sorta changed seats in Core, but not really. The whole seating chart setup is just weird now.
There's this new guy at our school. His name's Kevin. Apparently, it caused the other Kevin, Kevin Kang, to be jealous or something because he started insulting him. Lol. Plus the fact that Pink Bunny and Black Angel were obsessing over how cute the new Kevin is before. Pink Bunny says he's not that cute though, not sure about Black Angel. I don't get those two. Who cares if a guy's cute? I mean, if he needed help because he came from China and didn't know English, sure I'd help. But why does it matter if he's cute? Weird. The new Kevin doesn't need any help though, since he was born here. He went back to China at five though. His English is really good, seeing as he's been in China for 8 years and most likely started his "school life" there. Anyways, I met him during lunch, and he's cool. Pink Bunny and I started talking to him in Mandarin and then Pink Bunny rambled about how she tried to bury Kevin K. under backpacks and Kevin (new guy) was just standing there staring at us like we're crazy. Haha, then Black Angel came in and she totally spaced out with this funny grin on her face, staring in the direction of Kevin (new guy) so I started laughing really hard. So, all in all, the new Kevin thinks we're a bunch of mentally challenged psycho maniacs. :D

Nothing Lasts Forever

Perfect example of this... There's 7 hours and 2 minutes until I have to face... TORTURE!!! Yugh © Erica Tsai, 2008. I don't see the point of forcing people who are ahead of their peers in the category of math to wake up an hour earlier to face Geometry. I mean seriously, whatever happened to getting lots of sleep? I mean, it's not like we get to skip a would-be empty period in our regular schedule. Noooooooo, we have to TA! Plus, it's not like our work-load is lessened by any. I sincerely think life might be better if I were stupid. Maybe even retarded. Because then, people wouldn't always be calling me "freaky smart" or "genius" and random stuff. Plus, they wouldn't always consider it a miracle if they beat my grade in a test or something. Also, I wouldn't have to be the leader of the organizational committee for Chinese school. Seriously, my teacher thinks I'm like the only person with sufficient brainpower to take on ordinary tasks, so now I'm head of the organizational committee, manager and overall leader of the party committee, and parent/teacher/student communicator. Yugh © Erica Tsai, 2008. Ah well, up side to being smart: You don't fail school!!! Lol. At least I get to see my friends and teachers when I go to school. I sincerely hope that I don't get a lot of homework though. I already have like 10 worksheets, 2 essays, and a test in Chinese. I don't even know when the spelling be is either. The funny thing is, everyone from Goodhue's 4/5 and 7/8 Core spelling bee finalists are in Geometry. The only reason her 1/2 finalists aren't in Geometry is probably because no one from Geometry has 1/2 Core. Ah well, I'll just find out when it is from my friends, since if I miss it, so do Sophia, Tommy, and Sasha. But knowing them, they already know when it is. xD Well, I'm going to go sleep (for once) that way I don't completely conk out in the middle of class.

Random Thoughts of Life and Love

Same old, same old today. Finally decided to get a blog. I did go to the movies (well, the area around the movies), whereas something weird happened, but I had to play piano right afterwards. Blech. I ate homemade spring rolls today, whereas mine like half broke xD.
Love Contract is adorable. Ok, so I'm obsessed with those Asian love dramas, but they're so cute. Doesn't everyone (fine, maybe just the girls) wish for a guy that'll love them no matter what, protect them whenever and just hold them tight like they'd never let go? So sure, maybe those love dramas will never happen to me, or anyone, in real life, but I can always hope... As of now, there's no one like that in my life. xD Probably won't be soon either. I can always hope that one day I'll meet the guy that'll keep me close when I'm sad and celebrate my joys as if they were his own. Just those little fantasies of an adolescent not-yet-teenage girl. Sometimes I'm really jealous of my sister. She has the guy that'd do anything to make her smile, whom she can call at 4 am because she's sad, who walks by her side, holding her hand and keeping her safe. Oh well, I'll find my guy sometime.