22!

Had a pretty amazing birthday/Memorial Day weekend full of fun and productivity! 

- Arcade + sailing + parties + cake with friends 
- Got an AC unit + office chair + bike
- Got my hair cut! It's so short now but it feels like freedom

Time Flies When You're Struggling to Balance Labwork, Teaching, Classes, Moving...

But no more classes! I already feel like I've got so much more free time haha. In reality, I don't really, but it's the thought that counts?

Have to pack up in the next week or so, that way I've got everything ready to go once I get back from Reunions! (Super excited for Reunions and to see everyone again!)

Summer goals:
- Finally get into a good rhythm/schedule
- Test for my provisional sailing license!
- Learn how to play that ukulele (it's been a long time coming, like 3 years?)
- Get back into bouldering

I feel like I just need to get into a decent rhythm to feel like an actual adult haha. Some modicum of control would be nice, but you know, I'll take what I can get.

A Square Peg

It's one of the earliest things you learn,
To not put a square peg into a round hole.
You know that little matching game where
Each peg has its place
But inevitably at some point
You try to force a peg in.
But what happens when all there is is round holes?
Don't be square.
Carpe diem,
They told me.
But what they really wanted was
For me to carpe the diem in
A specific way
A controlled way.
There are no diems for me to carpe
The way I want, only the way you say.
So maybe one day I'll wish
I had said no,
I don't care,
I will cut that round hole until it's square
I will find a different board to play
But I won't let you mold me into what you want
I won't let you dictate how I seize the day
And I won't let you limit my happiness.

Who do I even talk to anymore?

And never was there such a difference 
Between what I knew and how I felt
Such a confusion about everything I did
Because I like to think that
I know myself and what I can do
And what I can't
But 
Did I ever think about all of the factors
All of the things to sway me one way or another
That I prayed wouldn't happen
But hoped would
Because it never really was just about me
And at the same time, that's all that mattered
So maybe I didn't know too well
And maybe
That's why it happened.

A Week of Struggle

1) Losing a ring which means so much to me
2) Feeling completely inadequate in lab, and getting the pressure put on by my PI
3) Having someone borrow (but more importantly, break pieces of) my (insanely expensive) model kit that I was given as a gift during my first summer internship

It's just so much harder than I want it to be, and every time I think it's okay, I'm reminded that it's not.

And does it take 77 times to soften a hardened heart?

Jhameel ❤

Still ridiculously in awe of the fact that I got to meet and listen to this guy live! Been following his music since 2 1/2 years ago and it's gotten me through quite a few late nights studying.

People have overcome worse better.

You told me the world wasn't ending.

And sure, I concede that, but -some- people's are. You have faith in the system. I do too. But I can't put my whole faith in a system which allowed this to happen in the first place, even if it does allow for it to be fixed. 

What is the price of being called a terrorist?

Sometimes I wonder what, or who, changed you.

Acceptance

Isn't it interesting how contentment and resignation are both tied together by a common feeling of acceptance?

I have never before been so happy to get a C.