Happy Easter!

Went to bed at 3:30. Woke up around 6:10 for the Easter sunrise service. As always, left me a lot to think about. It was pretty amazing though. If I had more discipline, I would just get up earlier to watch the sunrise, but I'm rather undisciplined and totally not a morning person. In any case, it was beautiful. Also freezing, but mainly beautiful. 

Headed over to Dillon Gym after to see Lawrence Liu (and four other undergrads) get baptized. They had food there too, which was nice, because I realized with my schedule for today I hadn't parceled out time for brunch. xD We listened to their testimonies, most of which I could really relate to, and it was just a wonderful experience. I'm really happy for them. =] 

Had an hour between the service and working on econ with Will, which changed to an hour and a half because I took a nap, woke up with a minor headache about ten minutes before our meeting, and didn't really want to get up. It didn't take as much time as I had parceled out though, so I had a few minutes of downtime between that and Innovation. 

Innovation was pretty fun, pretty standard. Left early to work in the studio for a bit, since I really want to finish this project, and have time to make something else/make it again if something goes wrong. I should probably drop in tomorrow too, just to see how it's doing. 

Obviously my day isn't over yet (so much stuff planned still!) and it's definitely going to be stressful. Mol review got moved to tomorrow and the Wilco meeting was cancelled though, so I have a bit more time to work on COS, chill a bit, start studying for mol/econ/orgo too. That is, if I use the time correctly, which I probably won't, since I'll likely just chill and sleep haha. 

Updates on my day to come; it's going to be a good one.

***

Edit: Tired. Not much work has gotten done. Feeling very very unprepared for my upcoming tests. Yayyy. TASA then tons of orgo and maybe some mol with people.

Edit: Oh my gosh I am so screwed for all of my tests. And I'm exhausted.

"And everything you did, wasn't good enough for them."

(A) Good Friday

Busy, but pretty enjoyable in all. 

Precepts were rather boring. COS is also semi-interesting, but I always do things in advance so sometimes the pace of the programming in class frustrates me. Actually, it's not even that; it's more that no one volunteers to even try most of the time. Ah well.
We had a sub in econ. Guy looked pretty young, also dressed sort of hipster. Twas amusing.

Came back, ate lunch, chilled for a bit. Went to a brief meeting of the Civic Engagements chairs that a total of 3 out of at LEAST 7 attended. Rather sad, but ah well. Ran a few errands after that.

Faith and Melodie got my bracelets! =] Faith sent a cute picture of them too. They look a bit tight but seem to fit relatively well, so I'm happy haha. Plus they tend to stretch out, so it should turn out okay.

Programmed with Allen for a good 4 hours - good thing is we got pretty much all of the required programs done! And they're currently completely finished after some debugging later in the day. =] Now time to get the AutoGuitar up and running with the Pokemon theme song! We have a rough sketch of the melody done already! I'm honestly way too excited about this. Actually, I'm just excited that I can play things on my computer. Granted, it sounds like a guitar and I'm too lazy to try to make it sound like a piano, and it has a range of about two octaves, but it's still super awesome. I spent a good amount of my life playing random little tunes - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Mary Had a Little Lamb, Frosty the Snowman, Silent Night, Ode to Joy...

Grabbed lunch, did a bit of my mol lab (my results are still sort of sketch...), looked at and decided not to worry about my orgo lab (though I really should be), and ignored the fact that I have 3 midterms in a week.

Went to the Good Friday Service. =] Lots to think about, especially with the conversation I had with Jenny and Gabby in the afternoon, which wasn't totally related but still. Not exactly sure what to say about it, since I'm not exactly sure I know what to think about it. Still processing haha, but definitely worthwhile and I really enjoyed it.

Came back, just finished politics notes (yay)! Awkward moment of the day: Took a shower, went to my room in a towel. Was showing Jenny GuitarHero and I heard my name from the common room. Went outside (in just a towel) to see why my name came up, realized there were guys there. Granted, I still had a towel on, which technically isn't any more revealing than like, a cocktail dress, and I knew the guys, but still. It was sort of like, "Hey, I heard my name! ...Oh. Guys. Woops awk sorry."

Twas a good day.

***

And since I didn't post yesterday, just two things worth mentioning.

College decisions came out for 2017ers! Haven't heard of any tiger cubs excepting Frank (who got in early) yet, but maybe there are a few out there who just haven't told me. =] On the other hand, with pretty much every acceptance comes a rejection as well, so I posted a little status just to remind people that their value isn't dictated by which school they attend. Definitely something to keep in mind, and something hard to remember, especially when those "We are sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you a spot" letters come around. Judging from the amount of likes that it got, it seems like people appreciated the reminder as well. =]

Went to Skate Night with Matt x2. Saw Ben there too, and we had a brief discussion about orgo haha. And by the end of the night, I could move on the ice! Don't get me wrong, I didn't say skate, I said move. xD It was loads of fun though, even if I do have a rather odd bruise on my ankle now.

***

This weekend is going to be ridiculously busy, with all of my club things and just a ton of work to do. But it's going to be great. 

"Live the life you have imagined." ~ Henry David Thoreau

She Will Be Strong

And she lays in bed 
Her broken soul 
Gazing out the window 
At the moon and the stars, 
Picturing the pocketknife 
Ever-present in her bedside drawer. 
She pictures drawing the line on her arm, 
The burning blade, 
The cool metal against her skin. 
But then she sees him, 
The worry, the concern, 
And she sees the pain 
In her friends' eyes. 
She will be strong. 
If not for herself, for him, for them.

Oftentimes I wonder how people can love me when I barely tolerate myself. It must be that they're just better people.

Paper Cranes and Promises

A lamp flickers to life 
The clock strikes four 
Her fingers crease the crisp paper 
Flipping and folding 
Losing herself in the certainty 
A head, a wing, 
A sure tug and the crane comes to life 
Floating gently 
To stand by hundreds of companions 
Made over the course of dozens 
Of late nights and troubled thoughts 
They promised her when she was little 
"A wish for a thousand cranes" 
How many times has she tried? 
Birds of every color 
Folded from printer paper, Post-it notes, 
Scraps of every shade 
And when she reaches a thousand, 
They fly off to find her dreams 
She imagines them 
Lifting her out of the pit of darkness 
In which she finds herself trapped too often 
She imagines them 
Hoisting her to the heavens 
To rest among the clouds 
Or soar in the sky 
Until her paper creations fail 
And she plummets back to earth 
To reality and hopelessness 
Because even magic has an expiration date 
And in the darkness 
She cries 
Her tears lost in the midst 
Of a thousand paper cranes 
And a million broken promises

On Prop 8

Being from California, I vividly remember when people were debating Prop 8 in our state. I remember how we all felt so forward-thinking for having a discussion on this issue. Now it's moved on to the Supreme Court. Honestly, this is probably going to be a landmark case regardless of the decision, but I do have to say that if they sustain Prop 8, I won't be able to stop myself from thinking it was a faulty decision.

I don't believe that being gay is a choice. I don't believe that it's just something you can change if you want, or if you try hard enough. I do believe that sexual orientation should not preclude individuals from what I see are their constitutional rights. I'm not religious, so I don't feel comfortable providing an opinion from that standpoint. I will say, however, that if God loves us with all our sin, and since homosexuality is not a conscious decision and therefore not within an individual's power to change, why is it that homosexuals should be punished? Also, given a government based upon separation of church and state, I feel like the religious interpretations of homosexuality shouldn't carry so much weight when determining the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough to actually provide a comprehensive argument for my opinion, but my opinion is that Prop 8 is unconstitutional. It might be an overgeneralization just to say that I believe in equality for all, but that truly is my view.

Edit: I think a major factor that irks me is that the major arguments of the proponents of Prop 8 are religious. While I don't deny that religion is a part of our culture and shouldn't be ignored completely, I also support Leggett's contention that "We cannot be too artful to keep separate the things which belong to government from those which belong to religion." I believe it's a problem when the main arguments supporting (or opposing) something are based upon something which arguably should not have a major presence in the political sector.

Musings and Maybes

What else is life made of really? The problem is I keep thinking about random things in life and completely neglecting my schoolwork and studying just to think about things. I've sincerely been craving late night talks recently. What about? No idea. I just sort of want to ramble. Talk about life in its past, present, and hopeful future states. I guess in a sense I just want to think out loud and not feel awkward because no one's listening. Maybe I'll just go lay out under the stars someday when it's not all rainy and dreary and talk to whoever wants to listen.

I always find it interesting and a bit saddening to think about all of my friends with whom I had these late night talks, but haven't really kept in touch. What are they up to? How are they? Do they still lay under the stars with a few friends, blasting music and laughing about life? Do they still sit on hills waiting for the sunrise, talking about their fears? Have they found new friends and confidants to do these things with? Or are they sort of like me, living in the memories of the past, when everything just sort of clicked and we found ourselves immersed in these discussions without any planning?

Every decision we make carries some significance - what would have happened if I had a different name? Not skipped a grade? Chosen a different school? Woken up slightly later today or walked slightly faster to class? Would I be a different person? Have met different people? Think and act differently?

Maybe all of these little decisions had different outcomes in different universes. Maybe I would be a better person if I had changed one decision made when I was a little kid. Maybe I would just be a different person. Maybe I wouldn't have met or gotten to know you. Maybe I wouldn't even be alive. Or maybe nothing significant would have changed.

And despite all of my musings, none of it is in my control. I'm not going to suddenly start eating oatmeal in the mornings to see if it changes anything. I'm not going to change what I do to see if anything else does. None of it matters. I'd then be left wondering what would have happened in all of the other innumerable scenarios. None of it is in my control. And so why should I worry even? I'll just try to be the best person I can be, find my happiness and help others find theirs.

Sometimes musing makes things better. And sometimes maybes can make life more certain.

***

To give credit where it's due, the title comes from this. It's beautifully sad.

Back to Orange and Black!

Bit of a belated blog post, but ah well. Spring Break was absolutely amazing. So much catching up on sleep and random singing/piano-playing. Also straightening Matt's hair haha. His family is amazing - I love them all. They're all so happy and they have such a great and supportive dynamic. We made dinner Friday too, and surprisingly it didn't turn out that bad. Chicken alfredo, garden soup, salad, and smoothies! I was pretty sad to leave haha. It was absolutely unproductive but super relaxing.

Now to play catch-up with work. xD

Visiting Washington DC!

Had an absolutely amazing time in DC today with Matt, Evan, Kamini, Alexis, and Sam (Matt's friends from high school). Saw tons of memorials and landmarks, but one day definitely isn't enough to see everything. It was amazingly fun though.

I can't even express how many pictures we took of the Washington Monument. And of planes "crashing" into landmarks. And so much fail Metro-ing... We also got handed tons of hummus samples, had an amazing lunch at PoBoy, and missed our planned train back to Aberdeen. The last one was a bit of a bummer, but everything turned out fine. The weather was gorgeous too - a bit chilly but it was sunny and clear. It was absolutely amazing.

Spring Break in Maryland!

I'm having SUCH a great time here. =] Matt's family is completely awesome and I love everyone already. Talking to his mom in Chinese is especially fun since he has no idea what we're talking about haha. Went to church this morning - it was pretty nice, and the people there were rather awesome. Anyways, doing a bit of work today (read: looking at the work I have to do and not particularly doing much), errands tomorrow (mainly some administrative intern stuff), DC Wednesday! Then break's already half over... Jeez. There's so much work to do, but honestly, whatever. I'm just going to give myself an actual break, relax, ponder life, watch a few movies... Life's good. =]

Spring Break, Come to Me!

Yes, I'm currently sitting in my econ precept. Yes, I am blogging.

To be fair, this is the one class in which I'm doing moderately well. Also it's the last thing I have to get through before spring break!!! Programming test yesterday was messy - I got one program to work, and the second was completely non-functional. I'm pretty sure it compiled, but didn't run... Hopefully it compiles...

In any case, whatever. It's over. A few administrative things to do (need to finally place the order for the Spring Giveaway, clean/organize a bit, finish packing for Matt's, I might want to do my sheets), etc. but then I'm free! TASushi this afternoon and Cheeburger with the zees to properly send off Maegan tonight!

I have a ton of work for this break, but I'm really going to take this time and just relax and sort of reevaluate/think about my life. Hopefully when I get back from the break, I'll have a clearer idea of who I am, why I'm here, what I want to do, why I want to do it, etc. Not expecting to know the answers to any of those questions, but it would be nice to have an idea.