Recursive Art

Finished my "art" for COS! I'm liking recursion - it's just fun. A little frustrating, but ah well. In any case, this isn't anything like what I actually wanted to do at first, but I still have no idea how to make my original idea work haha. Yay for adapting. (Also sorry for the grainy quality of the picture - I resized with Paint since I didn't want to go through the trouble of actually downloading pictures of the file. =P)

COSMOS Love

Almost the same comment, at the exact same time. Three different time zones - in California, Illinois, New Jersey - but we're so in tune. This totally just made my day. I love these guys. ♥

Did you really believe you could do it? What were you thinking?

I can do this.

For now, on my own. But maybe one day I can believe the way that you do.

Behind These [Brown] Eyes

It's so funny looking back at our "old" texts and messages. Just two days ago. Two days. I definitely messed things up.

I'm happy for you guys. I guess if life were a zero sum game, better you than me; you deserve it infinitely more.

To This Day

Broken Shards and Broken People

It's laughable to think how fast all of this happened. How fast it just went downhill. Maybe it would have hurt less if I felt like I had tried harder to actually do something about it, but I realized the problem much too late for me to do anything about it. I can't even justify trying to get a second chance because you deserve better, especially since I had always thought that from the start. They told me I was lucky. I knew it better than anyone else. No one ever pieces broken shards back together, so why would anyone want to put together a broken person? 

No, I'm not okay. But I'm not worth enough for anyone to try to fix me.

Secrets

I was hoping I'd be able to get through more than I did. And I suppose I still can, but on the other hand I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. I just wanted you to know more about me than most people did, and I still do, but it just... I don't know anymore. I shouldn't have told you that one yesterday. I didn't think it through, and it was a poor choice. It doesn't make it any less true, but it wasn't a truth meant to be said. I'm sorry.

Maybe nothing was really wrong, just not everything was right. I told a friend that a few weeks ago. So why is it that I can't fully believe it myself? I feel like I do - I'll feel perfectly fine, and then this pain will just hit. It passes though. But it worries me. Why is it that I can't take my own words? I think it's just that I have trouble believing that nothing was wrong, and that I'm the problem. Because really, in all honesty, I really do believe I am. There's that saying that everything happens for a reason because it's either a blessing or a lesson. What if that same rule applies to people, and I'm the latter?

I don't know. I'll be okay. Eventually. I always am.

I suppose it's true then, that others can't love you if you don't love yourself.

You stupid, stupid girl.

Why does it feel like I just mess things up?

Sierpinski Triangle

Finished Sierpinski today! So much faster than NBody haha. Super proud since I did it pretty much all on my own too! =]

Following images are all from my own program - super excited! Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to do for my own "artistic" program...

As stupid as it sounds, I put "Make it good" on my to-do list today. My work's not done until I have a good day, so I better make it great.

It Gets Better

I woke up this morning and went to class. Didn't feel like I learned much, and realized I sincerely need to learn more if I wanted a chance at doing well in my classes. Turned in my orgo lab, picked up my orgo pset. Printed out a ton of practice tests. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and rather stressed. I was legitimately at the verge of tears when I took a nap in the late afternoon, and I didn't feel much better when I woke up. To make things "better," I had planned to do some practice exams that I just didn't even get around to doing.

But then I went to PEF. And I have to say, I've only been there twice, but it's just amazing how things that are addressed completely relate to my worries. Not even necessarily about anything specific, but just life in general. I really am going to make this a weekly thing. It's great. I really do like PFA as well, but it's a bit too big. I feel like I can really get to know and meet people at PEF easier. Speaking of which, I played In a Pickle with people after the actual meeting, and watching part of an episode of The IT Crowd, which was pretty hilarious. They're such great people, and it really just made me rethink everything. Sure, I'm worried about my tests and my grades - it's been so long that I've felt almost defined by them in a way - but this is what really matters.

Caught Wreck It Ralph at the Garden with Kathryn and Matt. Have to say, it's such a fun and cute movie. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should! 
Also, O-RE-O.

Went a bit crazy afterward; I'm not completely sure what happened but it involved a lot of me laughing my head off, a bit of hyperventilating, and some hopping like a bunny. But it was fun. =]

I also got a message from my parents which was completely unexpected since they don't normally send things like this:
"School must be busy now. Don't push yourself too hard. As long as we put in the effort, that's enough. I want you to enjoy the college life, meanwhile find something interested that you want to devote yourself to be your career. You are away from home and our hearts are always be with you. Send us message any time you want. We do miss you."
It was really sweet and definitely came at a good time.

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." ~ Mark Twain

No matter how important you think you are to me, I can guarantee you it's more.