Sometimes it seems the full weight of futility rests upon my shoulders.

I keep trying to sign into my MIT email with @princeton.edu

It's been ages and I apologize.

I guess this blog isn't doing too well in recent years haha. Haven't been up to too much I guess, just a lot of amazing travel in Europe! Pictures have yet to go up and I'll post a couple here later too. 

Meanwhile, unpacking and repacking for Taiwan. As thankful as I am to be able to travel so much this summer, I'm pretty worn out and tired...

It's been forever since I last posted - comps, my last final, time to relax, an amazing Reunions/birthday and now time for graduation!

I'm ready for it to all be over.

Nearly two years and one year respectively and still the scars of the abuse and insecurity linger. I'm tired of this. Get me out of here already.

Literally just a text. It baffles me how difficult it is for people to remember.

14 steps longest linear

1) Decide some defining feature of yourself. You can be whatever you want, as long as it allows others to place you somehow. Pick a sport, a hobby, a defining characteristic.

2) Make sure people can identify this characteristic. 

3) Join some clubs. Hang out with people of similar interests.

4) Branch out. Find some more friends. 

5) Adapt a bit so your personality matches theirs better. But make sure you don't lose yourself; keep that core trait close to you.

6) Develop your "new" personality a bit more. 

7) Find some more hobbies to relate to more people.

8) Make sure to keep in touch with all of the friends you've made!

9) Repeat Steps 2-8 as many times as necessary to be comfortable.

10) Be that social butterfly! You want to be someone who can be friends with virtually anyone.

11) If you start feeling lonely, go back to Step 9.

12) Make sure you haven't lost that core trait in Step 1.

13) If you have, make sure you find a different defining characteristic, and make that known.

14) Above all else, don't be replaceable.

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On that note, my synthesis held up in class today!

It's all a two-way street.

And so it begins... ends? PTL for PTL!

All Tied Up in Knots

If I told you I love you, would you believe me? Really? If you told me you loved me, would I believe you? Why?

Life is complicated sometimes, and why do I not care more than I do? As much as I should?

Because sometimes, I want to feel free and start all over again.

From Before I Knew You

As I lie awake in bed tonight, my heart hurts for the ways in which each of my friends has suffered, especially the times before they were in my life and I in theirs. How many hurts has one been through, and who was there for them when it happened? What stories would the scars on our hearts tell if they could speak, or if others could read? Which moments of pain and sorrow would be defining for each of us?

Sometimes I feel like I'm drawn to those who have suffered in silence, but maybe it's just because everyone has, at some point, in some way. I want to hear your story because I want to understand. Not just a part of you, but you, entirely, as a person. And I hope it doesn't come off as nosy or pushy, but I want to know how life brought you to where you are, to when we met. I want to be there in case you're still hurting, and in case no one was before.

It's a deep-set sadness in the brokenness of our world, but I thank God that despite it all, He's helped me focus on the good in people. The kindness beneath the aloof facade, the wistful soul beneath the abrasive front.

I see you.

Or maybe I just wish I did. Who am I to think I'm any better at this than anyone else?

Sparkles and Skylines

I miss the summer quite terribly, with its sense of freedom, travel, exploration... With knowing something new is coming but not having to worry about what exactly.

I miss familiarity. I miss the walk across campus, comfortable with where I am, knowing I'll be there a while longer... With looking around at friendly faces happy to know they're there.

I miss people. The ones I met for just a passing, and the ones who left long ago... Believing we'll meet again, but never knowing for sure.

I miss knowing myself. What I want and who I am... My definition and personal goals.

I miss you.

I'll miss you.