Friday, July 29, 2016
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Reflections
Maybe I miss you all more than I should. I probably shouldn't be doubting myself as much as I am, but I have to admit that I'm scared. I'm scared, and it was comfortable, and right now, I'm craving comfort. But what was it that I said before, that I wrote? Be comfortable being uncomfortable, because how are you supposed to grow otherwise?
Sometimes I wonder if seeing myself through someone else would be better. I see all of these wonderful people around me, and can't help but feel like an impostor. But when did we reach the point at which self-worth was measured by any extrinsic factor, by friends, by likes, by the length of a resume? A perfect profile picture or an Instagram-worthy apartment? But when did I, personally, reach the point at which my self-worth could be measured by the length of a spatula?
I'm not ready to be an adult.
Sometimes I wonder if seeing myself through someone else would be better. I see all of these wonderful people around me, and can't help but feel like an impostor. But when did we reach the point at which self-worth was measured by any extrinsic factor, by friends, by likes, by the length of a resume? A perfect profile picture or an Instagram-worthy apartment? But when did I, personally, reach the point at which my self-worth could be measured by the length of a spatula?
I'm not ready to be an adult.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Forgettable
I lived wanting to be replaceable for the longest time. It made sense to me. It made sense given how I felt at the time, what I thought I wanted, what I thought would help. It made sense that I wanted to be forgettable, because I figured I was.
But having been replaced so many times over the past few years... It's really not what I want. Maybe I wanted to be replaceable, to make myself replaceable, so it wouldn't hurt so much when/if it happened. Throughout all of the years of making myself replaceable... I guess I set myself up for it. I guarded myself a bit too well. I get along with others, but it's hard for me to get close. For me to let them get close.
I've always said that I would be okay with living a miserable life if it meant others were happy. I guess I wasn't planning for others to be okay being happy even if it meant I were miserable. Their ignorance would have been my bliss, I guess.
I suppose I'm a complicated person, but I've never been a very interesting one.
But having been replaced so many times over the past few years... It's really not what I want. Maybe I wanted to be replaceable, to make myself replaceable, so it wouldn't hurt so much when/if it happened. Throughout all of the years of making myself replaceable... I guess I set myself up for it. I guarded myself a bit too well. I get along with others, but it's hard for me to get close. For me to let them get close.
I've always said that I would be okay with living a miserable life if it meant others were happy. I guess I wasn't planning for others to be okay being happy even if it meant I were miserable. Their ignorance would have been my bliss, I guess.
I suppose I'm a complicated person, but I've never been a very interesting one.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Friday, July 15, 2016
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
It's been ages and I apologize.
I guess this blog isn't doing too well in recent years haha.
Haven't been up to too much I guess, just a lot of amazing travel in Europe! Pictures have yet to go up and I'll post a couple here later too.
Meanwhile, unpacking and repacking for Taiwan. As thankful as I am to be able to travel so much this summer, I'm pretty worn out and tired...
Meanwhile, unpacking and repacking for Taiwan. As thankful as I am to be able to travel so much this summer, I'm pretty worn out and tired...
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