6/365

You know what pisses me off like no other? When people don't believe me when I said I got a bad score or have a bad grade. I'm not a superhuman. I don't automatically get 100% on every test I take.

"What do you have in ______?"
"Uhm... Pretty bad..."
"Oh, what, a 95%?"

Or, even better, when people just say "But you're Erica!" as a justification.

"How did you do on the test?"
"Not well."
"Psh, I'm sure you did fine, you're Erica!"
"Can you stop saying that? It gets really annoying."
"Oh, whatever, you know it's true."

Yeah, it's true. I AM Erica. However, me being Erica doesn't mean I don't struggle to understand concepts, or that I miraculously get everything the moment it's taught. I know I'm guilty of doing/saying this sometimes too. But seriously, it pisses me off beyond belief. It's nice to know that you think I'm smart and all, but I'm human too, just like every one of you. Do you think I'm some sort of one-in-a-trillion genius who gets everything without trying? Do you think I was born just knowing how to do derivatives or whatever? Do you think I didn't work my ass off to get where I am today? Maybe I learn at a faster rate than others, but it doesn't mean that I don't have to work to do well.

You don't know about my three-hour sessions when I was little, kneeling at the side of my parents' bed, sobbing because I couldn't remember my times tables. You don't know about the days when I was kicked into the garage because I hadn't done my "homework" right. You don't know about how much extra math crap I did because I thought I needed it. You don't know about the pain I experienced, the suppressed tears because I would be hit if I cried. You don't know about the expectations that weighed down on my shoulders once everyone started using "It's Erica!" as an excuse. You don't know about my suicide attempts when that weight finally broke me. You don't know about the countless nights I cried myself to sleep because I knew my parents were disappointed in me. You don't know about the times I repeatedly punched a wall because I was just THAT freaking mad at myself. You don't know.

So the next time you want to assume I'm this super-genius girl who, because she skipped a grade and gets decently good grades, doesn't need to work for them, keep that in mind. You don't know me, so don't act like you do.