Nostalgia

In the back of your mind linger memories, of places and people and things you once knew so well. A rose-tinted memory reel of the best of times, but you've changed since then, and so have they. Recapturing that feeling, reliving the past... It's as impossible as changing it. You never thought you'd feel so close and so far away at the same time. At the very least, it's growth you're after.

To give so much of your heart away, and get so little of it back...

Pray for my soul
at the gates of Heaven.

我怎麼這麼傻地等著你?

She had her heart broken
And she broke one too
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
A story for one of yours
And now that everything's settled
How will this end?

Wordless

You flip aimlessly through poems 
Journals, books,
Filled with thoughts of those
More eloquent than you
Those wondering how the world came to be
Asking God for a person someone like a person
And your own thoughts
Slowly twisting into yarns in your mind
Formless, empty
And who would have thought you could have so much to write you didn't have anything at all?
Because some things could only be felt
By a longing for more
A deep set sadness
And ache left by battle scars of battles no one remembered
Much less cared about
But you, you were the canvas onto which the stories were carved
In criss-crossing lines on the skin of your ancestors
Each mark a story of love, but also pain
And how could you ever find the words to embody that?
And maybe, you thought, maybe a different language would help
Maybe the smooth lilting or staccato tones
Of something not English
Something more right
Some language in which each sound was a story
But do those even exist?
So instead you settle for empty pages in empty books
Filled only with thoughts that have no form
Wordless, languageless,
But full of the things that matter.

Kindness is a code to be lived by.

So many people believe in you. For the days you can't do it for yourself, do it for them.

Encouragement

"The thing about a fire is that it will burn out. A storm will always pass, and a river always finds a shore. You may see nothing but the fire, but God is with you in the midst of it. You may only see the storm that's been raging indefinitely - it feels like maybe this is all there is and all there'll ever be.

But what you've forgotten is that behind the biggest cloud, the wildest storm, the darkest day is a blue sky."

The End of a Day

I don't think of it being a new day until I've woken up from sleeping some indeterminate amount of time vaguely in the middle of the night.

But today, I don't really want to sleep. I don't want tomorrow to come. I do, but at the same time I'm scared. I think that maybe if I stay awake, send a few more messages, call a few more times, I can change the future I'm afraid of. But I know I can't. And time - or our perception of it at least - marches resolutely forward regardless, and maybe I just need that same determination.

You shouldn't have to, nor can you, make someone love you.

If you stay with someone who doesn't value you, eventually your self-worth will be theirs.

Patchwork Hearts

She saw the beauty in pain,
And the growth, and the strength,
And maybe that's why she was drawn to brokenness,
To broken people,
To hastily mended souls and frayed hearts.
Maybe it was because she thought that she could help heal them.
And maybe that's why she spend her time
Her energy
Her willpower
Trying to help fill the cracks,
Peeling off little pieces of her own heart
To patch the holes left by others.
But one day she found
Maybe she tore off too much,
Her own broken heart scarred by amateur stitches
The comforter longing to be comforted,
But the world looked,
And saw a girl too broken to be repaired
Who loved too much to be loved
And there she stood
With her patchwork heart,
Torn apart by love
And left alone.

"Don't diminish your accomplishments."

Half-Asleep Ruminations

I always get my best writing ideas when I'm drifting off... And then I promptly forget what they were when I wake up, just that I had them.