As Horrible as it Sounds...

I'm sort of sick of helping people. I mean, not my friends, and not when I want to help others, but people who only talk to you when they need help, and who expect to be helped. I have my own things to do, and sorry if I don't make time for you when I barely know you... I know AP tests are coming up - I'm taking 8 of them - but that doesn't mean I should take time to help you prepare. I probably wouldn't be helping you if I needed to study. I like helping people, but please don't try to take advantage of it... It gets tiring after a while. I also really need to learn how to say no.

Back to Life

No more of the awesome-ness at Princeton... Ah well. Got up, ate food, took a shower. Got froyo with Clarie then went over to her house and made some mac 'n cheese. xD Procrastinated a TON with Youtube vids and talking to Shu, then finally got around to doing econ... I should prob reread Copperfield too.

AP tests are coming up. I could possibly get credit for BC and econ, so maybe I should study for those... Meh... xD

Got my ball ticket! I was looking at prom pics - everyone is gorgeous! And they all have long dresses... I'm thinking about wearing a mid-length one for ball, but now I don't know...

Go Tigers!

I am completely in love with Princeton. No joke. It's amazing, the people are super nice, I love the feeling of walking down Nassau Street... I might also already be obsessed with Bent Spoon, which is a relatively expensive ice cream shop, but has flavors like Sicilian Blood Orange. Like seriously?! I'm super happy here. =] I'm sure it'll be different once I have to study like hell, and don't get to go to acapella performances and musicals and dance shows all the time, but still... Absolutely in love with this place - I don't want to leave tomorrow!

Waiting at the gate; / When will boarding the plane start? / Blah, I'm freaking bored.

Roses

I actually really like roses. Yeah, sort of stereotypical girl, but whatever. They're just so classic. I think I used to take them for granted, since they always used to be around the house (my sister had lots of admirers =P), but I rarely ever see roses nowadays. Not in bouquets at least; there are always a few single stem roses being sent out on Valentine's. Not sure why, but I sort of miss seeing them...

We went to Costco for food and thank you presents, and we found dress shoes. So while my mom and sister were looking at those, I wandered around and ended up by the flower display. Bright happy daisies, orchids, baby's breath, and deep red roses. It was just sort of nice looking at them - I'd forgotten how pretty they were. They had the pretty peach and pink-tipped roses too, which I had always liked too. But there's something so elegant about red roses. Other colors almost seem unnatural in a sense. Mixed bouquets are pretty nevertheless, but in a different way.

In any case, I need to get a boutonniere. Not sure what color it's going to be - depends on my dress I suppose. Red if my dress is, probably white with a ribbon in a matching color if I end up picking the gold/purple/teal dress. Yeah, I really have no idea which I'm wearing right now. xD Clarie's coming over tomorrow to help me decide! =]

Biggest Workaholic

I was doing my AP Calc BC packet questions (Since I'll be gone Thursday), and I was just thinking that since I totally have the entire weekend to do these, why am I doing them now? Which sort of brings me to the whole senioritis + work ethic issue. My friends totally voted me Biggest Workaholic for senior superlatives, and I guess I sort of understand. Even though I say I have senioritis, I still haven't missed a single homework assignment. I haven't studied for tests (econ test and psych final tomorrow, hah), and I procrastinate and get distracted a lot more, but I still turn in all my work and I do all of it relatively well. I even go crazy and do assignments ahead of time sometimes. It sort of got me wondering why I do this...

When I was little, it was all about pleasing my parents, and getting good grades made them happy. At least, it didn't make them disappointed, as they would have been if I ever got anything under a 4 (back when we were graded 1-4 and not with letter grades). So doing my homework seemed like a good thing, since it made me feel proud to have my parents be happy (I could totally bring in psych, but I won't).

I'm not sure if it's just so ingrained in me that I keep doing it now. I know it's definitely not out of a desire to please my parents anymore - I gave up after they got upset with my first B on any assignment in 6th grade (yay Beggs's tests). I've even relaxed myself - I mean, I CRIED when I got that B on that test. I don't cry if I fail a test now (okay, slight lie, I tear up and feel horrible, but still). I think the only time I've cried as hard as that B on Beggs's test is when I got a B in second semester Euro...

If not for my parents then, why? I feel good myself when I finish assignments, and when I get good grades, but I could easily finish and get a good grade without spending as much time as I do on some things. All of those projects in Foss? Not to mention the Civil War project in Goodhue... Animating PPTs instead of just leaving them plain, decorating posters to the extent that I do... Little things, but they make no different in the grade I would get.

I think it's more of a sense of personal satisfaction. Not just getting the job done, and not just getting a good evaluation, but actually doing a good job in my own eyes. Creating something of which I can be proud. I think the way I was brought up just made me carry that to a level others don't understand. For others, it might be a major project or essay that they want to be able to show off - for me, it's pretty much every assignment. Which, of course, leads to a bit of perfectionism, but I'll talk about that later. I can't tell if it's been a good or a bad thing - it gets on my own nerves sometimes - but for the most part, I guess it's just who I am.

How Ironic

I'm the girl who wrote a damn 2500 character college essay on optimism. So why is it that I can't really even feel optimistic lately? Little things just throw me off so much. Maybe I just notice things more now, or maybe they affect me more. Just little things that tell about human nature. About people I thought I knew. It's just throwing me off so much - I want to believe that people are better than this, but when those so close to me - the ones I trust and think are among the best in the world - aren't, how is the rest of mankind supposed to match up? Why am I so disappointed?

This is Ridiculous

Yeah, I shouldn't really care, and I don't that much. But at the same time, I can't help but just be sort of disappointed at how quickly your feelings towards people change, and how strongly. It makes me almost cynical of human feelings. Are they really that superficial and easily turned away? Is it just you?

Sometimes I wish I could be someone totally random for a day. Just wake up one day and be someone else, for a day. Change of setting and all, you know?

Must Reevaluate BS Skills

I could very possibly make a living off of this if things got dire... I'm impressed with myself. Just wrote about 560 words on a topic I know nothing about, and it sounded pretty decent...

Yay for Copperfield? Blah.

Princeton Insider's Guide!!! =D

As happy as I am, something feels off. Probably a misperception from the past...

Back to "Normal"

My grades are alternating As and A+s again! But only because Hight resets grades every quarter... xD But yay for making up my tests. Just in time to miss more school for Princeton!

On another note, I need a 9.09% on my psych final for an A-, and a 39.09% for an A. Yay?

I saw Mr. Sloan today! He always has a ton of fun stories to tell... I miss him and Ms. Foss! =\

Am I the only one...

Who isn't super excited for college? I mean sure, it'll be interesting, and probably one of the best times of my life, but I have no overpowering desire to go... To be honest, I'm really perfectly happy where I am right now... It'll probably change as graduation draws near, but for now...

Got an ATM card!

So many cards! Credit, ATM, and prepaid... Getting ready to be on my own at Princeton I suppose; I'll need access to money so I don't starve or whatever. So much responsibility though! And it makes me feel old... Where have the past 16 years gone?!