Just Not

Sometimes I think maybe it was foolish 
Because you loved me so well, 
Why would I ever forget 
Or give that up? 
But I remember 
Loving well doesn't mean loving right 
And I was never good for you 
Not good enough, just not good 
And I've always thought it would be easier than this 
But perhaps 
I'm just likable enough 
To not be lovable at all.

I can't help but just think of how stupid I am for all of this.

#labfails

Apparently when I'm sick and not focusing, trying to take NMR samples means putting multiple samples in the same NMR tube. Woops.

All I've ever wanted is to know more.

Is this a difference of time or of interest? Of personality?

And I really do miss you, but...

In a way it's liberating

But at the same time, I've never hated my emotions more.

I wonder...

Maybe I was too hasty,
Maybe I was scared
Because you knew me better than
Anyone else, and better than
I thought you did.
And I really do just need time
To work on myself
But I miss you being here.

More than I should.

Sometimes I just want someone to see the happy me, and say, "It's okay to be sad."

Group projects don't end after school. Show grace when needed, and forgive more than you want.

It's on days like today that I think, maybe I can do this after all.

Patience

I've found recently that I have very little patience for people who ask questions when the answer is easily findable on your own.

What do I do about that?

My body is at work, my mind is on vacation, and my heart is off in the mountains by a cliffside.

There's such a heaviness in my heart that I can't explain...

A Sprinkle of Sadness

Because pure joy doesn't come from worldly accolades, or from having friends, or from pieces of paper attesting to your worth. 

I wonder how other people see me sometimes. Sometimes it helps to realize how much I've been given, and how little I deserve. At the same time, I sometimes wish things were different.