Why is it that I feel so guilty sometimes?

Tell me it's real

I find myself sitting here and thinking that there's no way this all could have happened. It's all too ridiculous to be true. And you'll say the same, but a part of me worries that somehow it's all a facade. That I'm just being played, and this is all a game. That you just know what to say, but the words that come out aren't what you mean. Because it's never been like this before, and I don't know how to react.

But that's not who you are, is it? That's not what this is, right?

Sometimes you have to wonder what the point of it all is

And sometimes, that time is at 3:22pm in the office on a Saturday. It's hard to know whether my day-to-day really helps anyone. Does any of it matter? And if it doesn't, does it at least give me the means to give back some other way? 

 These days, I really don't know. Part of me really does believe in this work and in the potential. We've done great things in some places. But we've also had things go nowhere, and I know things have gone poorly as well. 

 Is this where I want to be? Is this where I'm meant to be? And if not, and I'm increasingly thinking not, then where?