Half Relaxing, Half Frantic

Break has been nice, but also insanely busy at the same time.

Been relaxing a lot (read: sleeping a lot), but also trying to do work and sort of failing (and subsequently freaking out about work). Went up to NYC and saw Chris, visited the Intrepid museum, had some yummy ramen. Went pumpkin picking today too! Hoping to get a bit more done before the start of school, but with going up to Cornell, we'll see how that works out.

Excited to see Faith and Ellen and Natasha though. =] Eh, we'll see what happens these next few days. Meanwhile, have a few pictures!

How Wonderful Are You

Thank you God, for holding me through this week and showering me with Your love. For being so patient when I was frustrated and angry, and for loving me when I felt worthless. Thank You for the beautiful autumn leaves and the crisp air, for woven sweaters and cookies and hot tea, for the stars in the night sky and late mornings spent curled up cozy in my bed.

Thank You for giving me this life God, for all of the amazing people I have met, and for all the beautiful things in the world.

People love me. Isn't that crazy?

I can't math, I can't physics. I definitely can't econ. Judging from my chem grades, I can't chem either. What am I doing here?

Completely drained. Two more to go.

Life is such a rollercoaster right now. Day to day, hour to hour, even minute to minute sometimes. I can't wait until this is over.

Not to be the better person, but to be a loving person in all regards.

I get so self-centered when I'm stressed or frustrated, and it's something that I really need to work on. Everyone's got their exams and other problems. What do they have on their plate today? How can I help?

Currently sitting in a room of econ, math, physics, and despair.

I feel so amazingly idiotic and unaccomplished sometimes. But then I think, this could go two ways. I'm either actually not that stupid, which is pretty nice, and/or I've somehow managed to be friends with so many amazing and intelligent people despite my obvious faults.

Loving Through the Stress

I can get so frustrated and I hurt those I love most... Please God, help me fix this. Help fix me.

I Don't Understand

Honestly, this is my midterms jam.

Honestly just exhausted.

Midterms week. I don't even know anymore, I'm just tired.

CLA - I should be fine. Hopefully.

CHM - No midterm during midterms week. One after fall break. Not on priorities list at the moment.

ECO - I literally have no idea what is going on in any regards to this class.

MAT - Someone save me.

PHY - Maybe? Maybe. Maybe not.

-sighs-

Since this is the happiness and joy that God provides me, should I not try my best to show others?

This guy.

This is the fifth flower I've gotten this year. I can't even believe him. I love you dear. ❤

If I needed any evidence that God does not abandon, today was it.

And if he tells me it's okay to cry, that He's there to comfort me, that He IS my comfort, then who am I to hold back?

Walls

There are only so many times you can break through the doors, wear down the walls, coax your way in, before everything is reinforced with steel. Before the door I had expected, wanted, to open is barred and barricaded. And maybe now is the time. Peace and happiness. That's all we wanted. Maybe I was chaining you down. Maybe you were chaining me down. Maybe it was both. Either way, we weren't set free to pick those chains back up again.

A deep-set sadness. And one I won't let myself be dragged into again.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me today to chase after you and no one else. For giving me today to wait for you and no one else. For giving me today, and giving me freedom.

My mom sent me kiwis and cranberries and a honey bear and congee and Godiva chocolate and I'm actually crying right now.

It's tempting to just stand outside in the rain and feel as though everything is being washed away.

Oktoberfest: Candy Apples, Beer, and Rubber Duckies

Went out with friends to get some Charter points. Basically stood around eating apples and caramel for half an hour. It was a good way to get my mind off of things though.

But now back to biochem.

God, please.

Grandparents ❤

Bouncing Back

Woke up at 11:30am, proceeded to devolve into a state of frenzy because I had completely missed my 9am econ precept, 10am physics precept, and was about to overshoot my 11am linear class. Plus we were getting quizzes back in both physics and math. Basically had a panic attack (funny how those seem to be related to school for me...).

But everything turned out okay. Econ precept never really helped me all that much, since he basically just goes over the solutions from last week's pset, which are posted online. I'll be copying physics notes from a friend, picking up my quiz in precept on Friday, and the wonderful Matthew Wang has offered to help with physics, which he always does anyways. Attended the 12:30pm section for linear, taught by the same professor, and picked up my quiz then (which I did pretty poorly on, but it could have been worse).

Have *so* much to study for biochem, but going to get through classics notes and hopefully WebAssign before then, and then meet up with Evelyn and Tiff late tonight to try to work things out.

Here's to a wonderful rest of the day.

Heal my broken spirit; mend my broken soul.

10/7 Today

I've made a decision and I'm going to hold myself to it. And if it so happens that I have to do this, I will, because in the end, it'll be better for everyone involved. It just sucks, because I never thought I'd have to consider the possibility.

I thought I was prepared. I thought you would care more, or that you would understand. I guess I'm just wrong about everything today.

Clubs

Been thinking a lot about clubs lately... I'm part of quite a few. And recently, I've had to miss a few meetings and delegate some tasks because I've been sick and feeling overwhelmed with upcoming tests. Danielle really reminded me on Thursday to let my yes be yes, and my no be no. I made a commitment to these clubs when I joined, and I have to keep that commitment. And if I can't, then I can't continue under the illusion that I will.

Honestly I can't really imagine not being a part of these clubs; not when I've met so many great people and felt like I've really been able to help. TASA, PEF, WCC, CCA, Innovation, PUCS, and of course the guard I'm trying to start... But I guess I'll challenge myself to list them in the order of importance to me, starting with the one I'd be least likely to give up. Hopefully it never comes to this, but if it does, I'll have a record of having thought about how much each one needs me, and how much I want to be involved in each, in case I do have to cut back on them next semester (especially since I'll be joining a lab).

PEF
TASA
Tiger Guard
PUCS
WCC
Innovation
CCA

On the sort of bright/future side though, WCC is a frosh/soph thing, so I am guaranteed not to be in it next year... God really blessed me when he didn't make me chair of the council - it would have been too much on my plate to handle. I'm really wondering if I want to run for presidencies in the spring. I absolutely love my clubs, but will I be able to give them the time, attention, and care they deserve?

Please pray for me.

Guess who's penciled in to join MacMillan's group in the spring?!

This made my day so much better. =]

An Hour of Sleep

Running off of an hour today. Not too bad physically surprisingly, but today was rough mentally.

The morning just started off horribly wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. But I'm going to move past it. 
Went to physics, got my lovely 5/10 quiz grade back. To be (sort of) fair, the majority of the points I missed was for not showing enough work, which sucks, but at least means I know my physics...
Feeling screwed for the math quiz next week. This weekend's going to be fun cram time.
Missed tons of questions in biochem woop. Just like normal.
At least classics was fun. Roman emperors are insane.

Matt's on crutches. Poor guy. Kicked a tree and pretty much bruised his foot... =\ Praying for him and hoping he gets better soon.

Reading

I've been reading so much lately - classical history and biochem mainly - for classes, but I've been neglected to read what really matters.

At least half an hour before bed every day. I promise.