Insecure

Only the insecure people need to lie to make themselves appear smarter, more relaxed, less anxious/worried (or more so), and just better in general.

"I completely didn't read this chapter at all!" [Proceeds the ace the test, which DEFINITELY is not possible without reading the text]
"Oh, I'm not doing that, too much work." [Proceeds to do it, and claim that he/she had extra time]

I prefer to not talk to these people. Save myself AND them the trouble and annoyances.

I DO have a person in mind, although one of the examples didn't come from said person. Don't try to seem smarter or oh-so-chill all the time. I'm sick of you trying to put me down and make yourself feel better at my expense. If you want to think I hate you, go ahead. If it'll keep me from having to deal with you, then whatever. You can think I'm a b*tch if you want.

201/365 (This Bio Chapter...)

You can really tell someone's maturity level and/or certain aspects of their personality based on how they react to an "Animal Reproduction" chapter. The super immature ones refuse to look at the pictures diagramming the female and male reproductive systems, and burst out into nervous laughter whenever sex is mentioned. Which, in a chapter like this, is pretty much every other sentence.

On the other hand, the ones who want to seem better than everyone else are the ones who keep an absolutely straight face throughout the entire lecture, never laughing except for jokes thrown in by the teacher, and shoot disapproving looks at everyone when the laughter simply cannot be contained.

Oh, the things that can be learned from a bio lecture that have little to do with the material being covered...

200/365 (Yay. Tests.)

The chem final today wasn't too bad - I definitely missed a few, but I'm pretty sure I'm keeping my A. xD The bio test, on the other hand, SUCKED. The English quiz was just normal.

I'm SO not ready for AP testing... -sighs- At least my grades are doing fine. APUSH should be going up slightly, plus we have the presidents test next week, which should be super easy (need to remember events for random presidents though, that's the hard part). Plus it's on the same day as the AP Chem test, which is a bummer. =\ Ah well.

199/365 (Unseverable Ties)

I wasn't lying when I said I didn't hate you. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't harbor bitter feelings against you, or that you don't completely annoy me at times. To be honest, I'm absolutely jealous of the people who can go on with their lives and never see you again after high school. They don't have this tie with you that I do. They won't have to hear about you their whole life.

But you know what? I'll try not to care. Even when you go around telling lies and bragging about everything, I'll try not to care. I tell myself that having good social skills is better than being... the person you are. But you're so good at manipulating and tricking others, you'd go far anyways. You've still got people fooled, and it's not just a few. You have so many people fooled, it might even seem that people like me are the minority, that maybe we just have a grudge against you. Yeah, you're that good. Hell, you had me fooled once. So you'll go far in life. You'll be able to wean information from others and withhold everything from them. You'll be able to get the help you need and deny the help you can offer. You'll step on others and make lots of enemies, but you'll make it to the top anyways. And then you'll make it so that you seem like the victim in all of this. Everyone who has a grudge against you, everyone you've wronged... You'll make it seem like they have no basis for their feelings, that you're just this innocent who people seem to dislike. And you'll have kept enough friends, those who you felt didn't pose enough of a threat to your success, that they'll believe you, and keep following you. And like that, you'll have created your "perfect image" again. I know you. I don't know all of your tricks - I'm sure you have more - but I know quite a few of them. I know what type of person you are.

And even if I have to talk to you thirty years from now, even if I see your face on TV as one of the most successful and beloved (or supposedly, at least) people in the world, even if I end up not as well-off as you... even then, I'll still know what type of person you are. I spent four years waiting for you to change, defending you against those who had already seen through your mask, and you know what? I've discovered that that change isn't coming. So even if you end up on Wall Street or as a billionaire loved by millions, I'm not going to stand by and think I had it all wrong. You're a liar. You use others for your own benefit. And you won't stop at anything to get what you want.

198/365 (Deathly Hallows)

Instead of studying for my AP tests, or just my regular APUSH/chem/bio tests, I'm watching the Deathly Hallows, Part I. I don't regret it at the moment, but I feel like I will later. A lot.

197/365 (Cursor Change)

I changed my blog cursor to a Pokeball! Well, not a Pokeball per se, but you get what I mean. =D This makes me happy!

196/365 (I Know My Presidents!)

Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Adams, Jackson, Van Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce, Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson, Grant, Hayes, Garfield, Arthur, Cleveland, Harrison, Cleveland, McKinley, Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama

195/365 (Egged)

On the way home from Chinese school, some loser threw an egg (or a few, we're not sure) at our car. Our moving car. I called the police on them. =P

Mood

You can usually tell my mood by when I go to bed. Well, not really, considering homework keeps me up, but if I go to bed before midnight (unless I've been out the whole day, NOT including school) that usually means there's something wrong. Even if I finish my homework early, I usually don't head off to bed until midnight. It's nice knowing I could sleep early if I want, but I like talking to my friends too - I don't want to be one of those people who barely has a social life on account of grades and tests and academic crap. But when I go to bed early, it usually just means I don't want to have to deal with life. Of course, it doesn't mean I fall asleep before midnight...

Today? I think I'm off to bed.

194/365 (Strangers, Again)

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193/365 (Grades Going Down =[)

My calc grade, English grade, AND bio grade all went down... -cries- At least my APUSH grade didn't as of yet... That's the one I NEED to keep up...

Chinese Speech Contest

I feel like a lot of my friends are talking about it; I believe it's the same one at least (April 30)? I don't even have any idea what it is... And I feel like an underachiever for not being in it, but screw it. I have better things to worry about I guess. And winning my school contest when I enter is fine with me. xD

192/365 (STAR Testing is Amazing)

Only semi-sarcastic on that... I know I missed a few on the English portion, but tbh, I really don't care... As long as I get in advanced, I'm good. xD I like having an hour left over to study and stuff - it's more helpful than Tutorial! Probably because it's longer. Aha. Well, it's nice.

I also found a replacement swear word! "Gliff!" I'm seriously using that from now on. (Just imagine... "What the gliff?!" "Why is my grade so gliffing low?" "Life gliffing sucks..." =D)

*****

And on an off note - I have no leadership positions to fill in for NHS, nor do I remember contact info for most of the volunteering I do, therefore those two sections are depressingly blank... Mainly the leadership though.

191/365 (STAR)

Yay for STAR testing! Semi-sarcastic, semi-not. I mean, we get shorter class periods (but less time for tests in those classes), and more time to study in school (assuming you finish STAR early). Ah well. We have to do it. Apparently the school is giving us "apples and bananas" for an extra boost. xP I love how they always make this into a huge deal... We have better things to worry about. Like AP testing. And SAT IIs. And my bio test tomorrow on the circulatory system + gas exchange. It's like a 40 page chapter full of terms and stuff that we didn't even finish covering in class.

190/365 (Polar Bear!)

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Good News About AP Chem (Hopefully)

We had a practice AP test today, and I did pretty well on it. I'd guessed on a few MC, had a few iffy answers on FR, and survived by sheer luck on the reactions though. But disregarding that, I would have gotten a super solid 5 (range is from 107-160, I got a 138.17), and factoring in all of those "I-probably-should-have-gotten-this-wrong" answers, I basically took 80% of my points, and still would have gotten a 110, which is still a 5. =]

Pretty good for not having studied yet! ;D Although I WILL be studying. Eventually. I'm more worried about APUSH though, because I don't remember ANYTHING that we've learned this year, plus my grade in the class is still on the border...

An Old Friend?

He isn't exactly the ideal person you'd want as a friend though... After 8th grade, when he left, I wasn't sure if I should be happy or disappointed. Ended up being happy that he did, with many reasons to back my feelings, and vowed to myself that I would pay him no attention in the future. But now he's back and I just can't ignore him. I'm not sure if I should try to keep away, or embrace him. And maybe this time, he won't let go...

Me: Hey, I saw you at Six Flags!
Lance: Yeah, you were with like, seven guys.

189/365 (Fa Ru Xue)

I would show up to Chinese school the one day we do nothing productive... Definitely not complaining though. Anyways, it's a tradition for us to sing at the end-of-year "celebration," and we're doing Jay Chou's "Fae Ru Xue." At least it's nice, and not some random old Chinese chant. =]


On an off note, this looks absolutely delicious. I want one. I should go make myself some hot chocolate. Hm. But we don't have marshmallows... Or whipped cream. =[

188/365 (Calculus Test = Ew)

In my personal opinion, that was the hardest test we've had all year. Although the fact that it was in a group brings it down a few notches. But it still sucked; we finished about a minute before the bell, and I usually finish tests a good 15-20 minutes before at least. Ah well, hopefully we did well since we checked all of our answers though.

And my epic win moment of the day? Soomin, Mac, and Sam all solved a problem and got an answer, then when I was checking it, I got a different answer. I was sort of paranoid since all three of them did it separately and got the same answer, but it turns out I was right. xP Makes up for my fails during the test.

Calculus Test Tomorrow!

It's a group test on areas between curves, disk/shell method, cross sections, and L'Hopital's rule. I'm sort of nervous because I'm with Soomin, Mac, and Sam, who all have high B's so if we don't do well, I'll feel like crap... -sighs-

187/365 (Getting into Harvard)

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Harvard placement exam, 1869

I hope you know your Greek and Latin... And geography of ancient places. And can divide long decimals without a calculator.

186/365 (Reclaiming My Childhood)

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185/365 (Prom)

Given the general lack of enthusiasm shown by my friends, and the vehement opposition in some cases (-cough-Ross-cough-), I will probably be forgoing this social event. I don't want to be bored all night long with no one to hang out with... -sighs- Ah well.

184/365 (Ah Life...)

Even as I stress about my 4 AP tests and 5 SAT IIs, I can't help but think, "Why the hell do I do this?" Besides college apps and such, is there really a point to any of this? Will I care about the fact that 6 of 9 Supreme Court justices were over seventy in 1937 in the future? Will it matter if I know all of the steps in the Krebs cycle? Will I need to know the chemical formulas of methane, ethane, propane, and butane? Chances are, not unless I major in a field involving such knowledge. -sighs- I just really don't get it. I love learning about this stuff, don't get me wrong (it's a hell of a lot better than Euro), but at the same time, I can't help but wonder, "Would I be taking this many TESTS if I didn't "have" to?" And would other people even be taking this many AP classes if they didn't want to boost their GPA? It just doesn't seem... worth it.

On another note, Roosevelt definitely had too much fun playing with his alphabet soup during dinner... FDIC, NRA, CCC, AAA, FERA, CIO...

183/365 (Pokemon!)

I really like the Season 13 theme song. =] And I really should be studying and not watching Pokemon, but ah well...

Epic Rap Battles of History!

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There are 10 million million million million million million million million million particles in the universe that we can observe. Your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd!

Check out the other ones too (especially Bieber vs. Beethoven). They're all pretty awesome. =]

182/365 (Six Flags!)

So I still haven't gotten ANY studying done, but Six Flags was amazingly fun. =P

I was entrusted with Nick's, Cory's, and Simon's money for the first 2 hours or so; I was completely paranoid on rides since I had over $150 on me that wasn't mine, but thankfully, nothing fell out. Yay for tiny girl short pockets that can barely fit anything.

Went on a ton of rides (virtually no line for Medusa so we rode that like 6 times throughout the day). Kong hurt all of our heads and ears, so we only went once. xD Boomerang was fun, but had a longer line - same with Roar. Got completely SOAKED with Davy and Chrison courtesy of Matt and Nick when we were on White Water Safari. Simon, Cory, Matt, and Nick all left early, at around five, when Davy and I dragged Chrison onto Velocity, which was hella fun, since he didn't go before. Surprisingly, Big Spin was actually pretty awesome too. Then we just sort of chilled on the Killer Whale (Puppy!) ride. =] Davy sort of wanted to see a show, and I semi wanted to go into the butterfly place when we passed by it, but no biggies. xD

Nick really wanted a Piplup, so he funded us since it was a prize for that water gun game, which you need a minimum number of contestants. I went against him, and he won, but I was literally ONE bar away. xP We played the hammer game a few times; I hit the top on easy and barely made the light go up a few feet on hard... Ah well, I'm weak. Then Davy and Chrison spent like $25 trying to climb to the top of those impossible rope ladder things - never made it up. =[ This little kid completely beasted and made it up though. =D

Got some cotton candy and a frozen lemonade for the ride back, and made one of those penny press things. =] It was a pretty awesome day; I'd say the rides at Six Flags are way more fun than Great America's, though GA seems more like an amusement park.

181/365 (...Shit.)

I've seriously done NO studying whatsoever during break. I'm so screwed...

180/365 (Santa Cruz Sunset)

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Thank you, Mr. Obvious

Please don't try to sound smart/concerned/organized/whatever by stating the obvious...

179/365 (Another Break to Waste)

I can feel it already. There's going to be almost no studying done this break... -sighs- I guess I could try harder, but I don't know. No motivation. =[

Just because I have a 2400, just because I do pretty well overall, doesn't mean I can't fail at something now and then.

I'm entitled to my 50, 60, 70% every so often.

The Meaning Of Academic Life

I would like to think that the meaning of life is just to live life. Every once in a while, just go off and say, "Screw APs, screw SAT IIs, screw my B in ______" and have fun. It isn't about abandoning life... It's about embracing it. Embrace your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations. Embrace your goals of an Ivy education, but realize that not every second of every day has to be spent building that ladder to Harvard or Yale.

And to be quite honest, that ladder can't be built. College admissions are a play of luck these days, at least for the top-tier Ivys and privates. People who shouldn't be rejected are, and people who have pretty much nothing to get them in are being accepted. This year has truly been nerve-racking for seniors; I've seen a perfect A student with all 5s on his AP tests, a 2300+ SAT, plenty of extracurriculars, who strives to do his best in every aspect of life, get rejected from CIT, MIT, Stanford. College admissions aren't fair. You can't just rely on knowing you're one of the best and the brightest. Because those colleges turn away the best and brightest every year. It's about luck - are you part of those they turn away, or those they welcome with open arms?

Yet, you can't blame it all on luck. Or ethnicity, or background, or any of that. It's not all about diversity. Colleges need it, but they aren't picking based on it. Sure, Harvard probably isn't going to accept 25 kids from San Ramon, but it sure as hell isn't going to accept some farm town kid with a 1700 just because he's from a farm town. Maybe a 2150 farm kid has a greater chance than a 2300+ San Ramon kid, but to hell with that - it doesn't make that much of a difference. And to be honest, I don't think the top 25 kids of San Ramon are all Ivy League caliber. Granted, I don't know everyone at Dougherty, but I'd like to assume the people I do know are those who would be at the top. And combining those kids with the ones at Cal... Not all of us would even deserve to make the cut. Hell, I don't even know if I deserve it. I doubt I do.

So maybe we shouldn't spend our lives cramming in APs, volunteering 30 hours a week, trying to make yourself that perfect person that the Ivys want. Maybe we should just live life for life. Because there IS a life to live. We've just been ignoring it among those 800 SAT IIs, 2400 SATs, 5 APs, and A+s floating in our heads.

178/365 (Webcam)

My webcam light is on and I have no idea why. I feel like I'm being stalked, so perhaps I shall stick a post-it note over the camera...

177/365 (Camera Whoring)

Almost every time I see a gorgeous picture of someone that is obviously from camera whoring, I can't help but think, "And how many did you have to take to get that?"

176/365 (Snow Leopard)

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Is it just me, or do other people also feel like this much of a failure this often?

It's been a freaking hour and I'm not feeling any better. Screw this, time to cry myself to sleep.

...And I feel like shit, because what do I have to complain about? I'm fine financially, I do well academically, my friends are wonderful... So what right do I have to feel this way?

I'll never truly believe that anyone would want to be even remotely like me.

-sighs-

I get depressing spells rather often now... Or rather, depressed spells. Someone help me.

Oh Ross...

As some of you may or may not know, I've been trying to convince Ross to go to prom for the longest time, just so that I have someone to hang out with. Naturally, him being Ross (and probably augmented by the fact that my pain makes him happy), he's refused all 57 times that I have asked him or pestered him or whatever. Now we were talking to Mr. White today, and he mentioned that he was chaperoning and told Ross that he should go or else I might kill him (or something along those lines), and Ross goes, "Well, maybe..."

Apparently Mr. White chaperoning trumps Erica pestering. =[

175/365 (Update Grades?)

I will probably sound like a nerd right now, but I REALLY hope that Mr. Coburn and Mr. King put the test/essay into our gradebook over spring break so I know what I got... I've done acceptably on my bio and APUSH tests, but not as well as I need to bring my grade up... I'm not really worried about the essay, more so the chem test, but it would be nice to know how I did, considering my unusual essay topic.

I Used to Sleep Wrapped in a Blanket Like That...

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